Need advice. Already asked once, but answers either stated the obvious, or didn't understand.?

Question

The absolute love of my life is married to another, as am I, but, for 22 years since our split, we have swapped occasional e-mails, and stayed in contact. She is not "in love" with her husband, I am not "in love" with my wife, but things arent "miserable" for us either. We both have two school age children. We have seen each other numerous times, but no sexual contact. We know the moral and religious wrongs here, but this isn't a reincarnation of the past, it isnt lust, it isnt anything but true...everlasting love. We have been "found out" by our spouses, and things are dicey. We have broken off contact, cept for what are most likely "goodbye e-mails". We struggle with the kids factor, the committments we made to our spouses and to God. Obviously, we should not have been doing this while married. The love we share for each other is incredible. It's the stuff songs are written about. It isn't something we have fabricated in our minds. We know we made choices though, and thats whats hard

Answer 1

You, sir, need to "get" in love with your wife. Your committment ought to outway your emotions.

Don't be a little kid running around with your passions driving you. You make it work. Not feelings.

You have blown your committment in your heart if you are already doing what you're doing. You brought up God, so, be the person your wife needs you to be.

Also, cut off any potential disaster, be a mature and responsible adult, and repent to not only God, but your wife before you lose out with both.

Don't be fooled that you'll have a "better life and marriage" by doing what you're doing, going where you passions are leading you to.

What's hard, is that you are making it hard.

You have only a little chance left to salvage what little you have left. Make the best of it.

And lastly, go see a marriage counselor, both of you immediately.

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Answer 2

The reality is that you have no idea of what 'marriage' would be like with your old flame...You don't really know someone until you've been married to them for awhile...Right now she's candy in the candy jar and you're itching to get some. You need to face the facts, the both of you are already married, the both of you have spouses who've given their lives and hearts to you. You have children who love you and would be absolutely devastated if you divorced your wife. How would you explain this to your kids?...You had no negatives about your current wife, why would you want to throw this all away for a dream. What you have right now many men would die for. You need to close the cover on that old book and let it go.

If you did leave your wife and hook up with the old flame the joy you think you would have would be very short lived. As a matter of fact it would be gone the moment you saw your childrens heart break and it would make an unrepairable hole in their spirits. Think of them for a change, think of what you would be taking from them. You need to tell that old flame goodbye, all you would be doing is ruining her life, your life and the life of all the children and spouses. Tell her goodbye, lose her phone number, lose her address and get on with your life. Give your wife the attention you gave the old flame, trust me, your wife loves you more than your ex ever could, you have children together, and you've been through trials together. She's hung in there for you.

Don't throw away a good thing for something that's bound to fail, and it will fail when you both see all the hurt you've caused.

Answer 3

"it's the stuff that songs are written about"

really, well consider how many love songs are melancholic. if you guys were meant to be together you would have been. it sounds like infatuation on both your parts. it doesn't matter that you didn't have sexual contact, you still had an emotional affair. the first thing you should both be thinking about are your children. would you rather sacrifice "true love" for your children or your children for "true love"? think about how unfair your being to spouses that DON'T make you miserable. you already know the moral implications of your actions, so why are you asking? sever the ties now before you screw this up any more. 22 years is enough time to get over someone. don't keep picking at an old scab because then it'll never heal.

Answer 4

Your a coward! There is so many things wrong with this mess.
1. You are married to sounds like a good woman, If it was my husband and I found out about his. You would be gone!

2. You don't care about you kids, I say this because your worried about this woman, and not the kids. Your not going to see them anymore? Or when you hook up with this woman are you going to bring them around her?

3. What do you think you wife is going to say about that? Do you think it will be easy for either of you?

4. The reason an ex is an ex is because x means done. Get a grip and do the right thing and ask the lord to forgive you because you already sinned in his eyes by just thinking about this.

5. Your not sure about this person, you don't really know this woman and maybe because she boost your ego and paid a little bit more attention to you. You think your in love

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with staying in touch with someone that was special in your life.It is wrong to have these sort of feeling for each other when you both are married to other people. Your first concern should be for your marriage.You need to cut ALL ties with this other woman.You said that you have been "found out" so you and the wife need to have a LONG talk.Try going to your minister together for some counseling.You made a commitment before God and you need to keep that commitment if at all possible.Try to forget this other woman and think of your family.If you put all your energy into fixing the problems in your marriage instead of thinking about this other woman this can be worked out.But if you continue thinking of the other woman your marriage is doomed.You have committed adultery in the eyes of the Lord.Lust in the heart is as bad as doing it.Pray for the strength you need to get through this.Pray for God to help you and your wife work out the problems in your marriage.You know that God's plan for marriage is to last till death.Pray about the things that are troubling you and God will answer your prayers.All things are possible with God's help.Forget about the past and work on your future.I will pray for you and your wife.May God bless you.

Answer 6

let me ask you this, why is he your ex then? how come it didn't work out the first time around. don't say it's because you were young, because people's personalities don't change all that much. i've had similar situations, and the thing that can be confusing sometimes is to understand whether this is "intimate" love or just love as you would love a sister or brother (but of course a bit more). also, what happens if you both leave your spouses and things don't work out between you. remember, it's much, much harder to get along with someone when you're in a relationship and living together, than when it's just an occasional email or phone call. at this point, he's not in your life enough for any of the bad things to really show. your choice, but that's just my fair warning based on my experience with ex's. it usually never works out once you get back together. even though it's been 22 years, all your problems will pick up where they left off within a few months. that's just the way it goes.

Answer 7

Hey, It's too late you are married with kids now. the stuff the songs are written about is just 'a feeling' ( lust ). You say you are religious, practically you already sinned by lusting after this woman. Y'all have other people involve now and this situation is going to hurt everyone involved (yes, the kids,too).I'd say if you can't have the one you love love the one you with because child support and alimony is hell! Go back to your moral beliefs, if you were your wife how would you feel? Think about what Jesus meant when he said do unto others as they would do unto you. Meaning if the tables were turned and you wife was "not in love with you". Love isn't that feeling in your gut, that's gas and the effect of gas is painful if it breaks up a family. It's in the Bible, love believes in all things, love is kind, love is long suffering..... What you got my friend, is "gas". And the obvious question is if this person was the love of your life why didn't you marry her? Why you waited all these years and now you got everybody in this drama? I'd fall on my belief system....Pray long and hard and meaningfully.

Answer 8

Sounds like to me you have the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence syndrome. Or the fish that got away looks bigger than the one you caught. Everyone remembers and has questions about their first love.

You need to get real. You sound like something that has come out of the movies. Stop and think. Will it be "incredible" when you have bills to pay, kids to raise and the everyday hard ship of life. NO!!!!!!! It is going to be just like living with the person that you live with now, maybe worse.

You do not need to ask, because you are going to do what you are going to do. But if you will do some research on this, most of the time after the split up, the affair doesn't go on for more than a few months. Just ask yourself what you are throwing away for this person.

***And just remember, after all is said and done, because you have already made up your mine and your going to do what your going to do. I TOLD YOU SO!

Answer 9

Your spouse should be the absolute love of your life and no one else. Stop seeing your ex. you say the marriages aren't miserable so you both should be working on your marriages and not fooling around with other people. As long as you keep seeing your ex your passion will never extinguish. by seeing each other you think you have the best of both world: You have the love of children and your current spouses in what sound like healthy marriages if you chose to work on them. And, you have an old passion of an old love without the day to day maintainance of a truly loving relationship with them. There is a reason you are you ex. By doing what you are doing you are weakening your marriage a marriage you should work on for a "love that once was." If you were divorcing, would you date your spouse and this "love of your life ?" Decide what relationship you want to nuture and be loyal to that one relationship. Stop being so damn selfish. My vote is for working on your marriages because you made life long commitments to your spouses and your childern. Don't ruin things for them and make them misearble marriage because of your selfishness. which ever relationship you choose, choose one and stop being such pigs. OINK OINK

Answer 10

Yalls kids are important and you've both committed to the marriages that you're in so I don't know what to say. It's extremely hard but just remember that yall always have memories and just make the most of your current marriages. FYI, I know a couple who dated and then they moved away and both got married to other people. The woman and her new husband moved back into the same city and when they grew old both of the spouses died and the couple who were so madly in love ALL of those years ended up living the rest of their lives together. You never know what God has in store for you but you can't just back out of the marriage and do that to yall's children. Just pray about it! Good Luck!!! Sorry about your confusing situation.