How would you handle this of someone young being pregnant? (repeated question)?

Question

My niece is pregnant. Please read my story. What is your opinion or advise?

Thank you for your help in this matter. If you need more information let me know.

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-MoIOOv4_dLIKgnBDxxmD6YnH.YbCIGs-?cq=1

Answer 1

It seems to me that you're the only one in the whole damn family with some sense. I understand you calling the police. It was your gut reaction and a very good one at that. But unfortunately, what's done is done. And the most important thing right now is making sure your niece and her child gets the best care available.

Answer 2

I read your blog. I'm not sure that I would have called the cops. It should never have been allowed to happen. That much is true..but it did. I would have given the boy and his parents time to grow up. Decide if they're going to play a part in the lives of your niece and the baby. Getting charges pressed against him isn't going to change the fact that you're niece is pregnant and the fact that it's going to be an extremely difficult pregnancy. If it hadn't been consentual then I would have called. I think my first thought would have been abortion too. I'm totally against the thought of it...but the fact that your niece could be potentially at risk or even that it could be fatal to her is the only reason I would think of that. If the doctors told her that there is a good possibility that she would be able to handle the pregnancy then I would hope she would go through with it. I wouldn't hold to much hope to the fact that the boy and his parents will help out much...but you never know. I can't really give you any advice because I've never been in your situation.

Answer 3

Okay, first what is done is done no matter what your sister or neices opinions are. You called the police and there is no unringing that bell. In the case of a 17 year-old have intercourse with a 14 year-old, yes I think that I would have called the police. If you niece had been a year or two older and the age difference was the same, I probably would not have called but she is REALLY young.

As far as the medical side of this mess goes, all you can do is pray for the best outcome. How awful and overwhelming to become a parent at 14. You need to be there as a loving, nonjudgmental adult in her life. You also need to be there for your sister, it has to terrible for her as well. She has to be worried sick about her child's health as well as the health of her grandchild. What a mess, I am so sorry that any of you have to go through this.

Answer 4

Wow!!

First off I would have never allowed my 14year old neice or my daughter to date a 17year old boy. Think about the maturity level difference. She is maybe an 8th grader or a freshman and he is a junior or senior. Come on!! Rather he seemed nice or not he is thinking about one thing just like any other Young Man his age.

Now, to jump off my soap box -
This is a very tricky situation. There are so many things to think about . First, say the baby and the young mom are both ok - is your sister and brother in law ready to raise a baby? Is this baby going to have a good chance at life? Because chances are really great that this boy is only going to be a sperm donor and not going to be there emotionally, financially or physically for that baby. He is a teenage kid. He is gong to want to run the roads and do KID stuff. Also, is your sister financially stable enough to take care of this baby medically if there is something wrong or are they both going to have to live off the system?

I think that adoption is a really great option to consider. Abortion is so well it is abortion. Unless the doctor recommends that the baby be aborted and says that it is life or death for you niece, I would really recommend adoption. There are so many loving families that would love to have a baby and cannot.

As far as calling the police, I would have let the parents make that their choice, They should decide that situation. Yes, if it was my niece I would be ready to KILL that boy.

You and your family are in for a long road. I hope everything works out for you and everyone else involved. I hope that God guides you all in your decision making and that all the right choices are made for your family!!!!

Answer 5

Well, first forgive the people involved.
Fred Luskin, PhD out of Stanford, has a great book on how to forgive people. I would recommend it highly to you.
The anger that you have towards the boy responsible is your biggest problem right now.

Second, be there for your niece. Let her know that she can count on you.

As for her, many options are available
if her body doesn't decide on its own.
Abortion is one but there is also adoption. Many people would love to give her new born a good home. Raising it herself is a third option. Having a family member raise it is a fourth option.

Life is precious and in some ways, you will be blessed to be a great uncle. Try to remember this.

Also, try to help her get the prenatal care she needs if she chooses to have the baby so that it is the healthiest baby that it can be. She will need check ups with the doctor. There are some tests that they can do for the baby, like ultra sound and sampling the amniotic fluid to tell about the health of the baby.

She also needs to eat well balanced meals and take a prenatal vitamin. She needs to be warned about cigarettes and other chemicals just as she needs to know the risks of taking her anti-seizure medication. She will need help and you can be there for her.

Be the strong, loving caring uncle that we all know that you can be! Forgive the jerk and focus your energy on helping your niece. That's my advice.

Answer 6

That is a tough situation. It's been a few years since i was 14 (11 years ago to be exact), but i really don't think i had sex on the mind. I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with her dating someone, even though not a lot older, but definitely more mature sexually. There was probably a little bit of peer pressure and wanting to fit in on your niece's part. He might have seemed like a nice guy, but come on; what guy doesn't put up a good front in front of others!?

So what is the family going to do? Are they going to press charges and have him sighted for rape? Just remember this will follow him the rest of his life and he will have to register as a sex offender. You may be mad, but if it was consensual, pressing charges could be a bit extreme. Does your family plan on keeping the baby? Remember, once in your arms you are going to love that little baby more than anything and hopefully it makes this situation a little better!! Has she gotten her medicine straightened out?

Answer 7

First off, let me say that i understand your anger. However, i don't know if you really realize what you have done by getting the police involved. YES, this boy is responsible and should have to have something happen to him. However, your niece IS old enough to make a 17 year old boy go stupid..And now, he will be on a sex-offender registry for 10 years or more. This STUPID KID is going to probably spend some time in jail, and then more importantly, his life is horribly ruined for years and years..and for what? For being a stupid 17 year old who screwed up? He can't go hunting with his dad because he's an offender and not allowed to have a gun..he can't live near a school. People who get on the sex offender list won't see dumb 17 year old, they will see RAPE and possibly try to cause harm to him and his family. He will have things thrown at his house and car. If he gets married and has kids, this one or any others, children will not be allowed to play with the child of a SEX OFFENDER. This is much bigger than you seem to realize. I think very very much that your anger is justified. Aim it at both parties involved. i very much doubt that your niece didn't play any part in this. I think that at this point, you need to back off a little. That's going to be hard considering how much you obviously care for this girl but she is going to be a mom herself (however awful that is) and needs to grow up and be allowed to make some of her own decisions. She has already been doing that as everyone now knows. I don't believe she will hate you in the end but you are going to recieve a lot of anger because she won't understand why you did what you did yet. Let it go, tell her you love her and want the best for her, and then back off. So sorry this is all happening.

Answer 8

I understand your anger at the situation, but I think it is more for her parents to deal with. It sounds like you are really close with your niece, and that is great, but I wonder what her feelings are about her pregnancy? If she is nervous, it might be better if you became someone for her to turn to and talk to about everything....with you causing such a problem for the guy she was so intimate with (which I'm assuming she thinks shes in love with him) you are going to push her away and make her resent you. I would talk to her and explain to her your fears and try to just be there for her....good luck to you and your family!

Answer 9

read the blog. I know how you feel, but it really comes down to this being none of your business. Yes, she is your neice, but thats really it. She has parents, grandparents, and probably other family members supporting her right now, and needs you to do the same. Shes scared,pregnant, sick and likely ashamed too. Drop the anger and give her some love.

Answer 10

Well Dwayne, that was ALOT to read! No, I would not have called the cops. Yes, she's your neice and she's blood to you.

But.....1) She has a daddy and
2) It's none of your business
I'm not trying to be mean, but this is reality.
Good luck to her and your family!