Have you unintentionally disabled your (grown) child?

Question

Because you love them you want to help....right?

Answer 1

Not I. My girls are attending New Mexico Military Institute in Roswell on a scholarship after having been home schooled
since the 2nd grade. My oldest son and his wife are serving our country in Germany. My middle son is an attorney for Hell's Angels & a few other clubs in California. His twin sister works for Harley-Davidson in Wisconsin. No, I have very well adjusted children. My 87 year old Mother lives with me plus 5 cats.

Answer 2

I am the 'disabled' adult child in my family. My mom does what she does for me because she loves me. The information about how to maintain healthy relationships without 'disabling' just wasn't out there when she was in need of it, so she's doing and always has done the best she could with what she had. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. But she tried (and still does!)

If anyone is to blame for my being so dependent on her, it's me. I'm a big girl, I know how to take care of myself, but she wants to, and I let her. Of course, now I find that I am taking care of her more and more...("sweetie, can you read this lable for me? I don't have my glasses.") and "Mom! Watch that step!" I try to do everything that I can for her, I just hope it's enough. She's my mom, I love her.

"Mothers are second only to God in the hearts and minds of all children."

Answer 3

We have not disabled and do not enable them. That is the worst thing we can do as parents. They have their own nests and if the nests need mending,or if some of their feathers are missing, we can sit on the telephone pole and observe but unless a hawk is going to gobble them unawares, we don't step in, and they have to ask for help.

Answer 4

Of course I have. Hasn't every parent? All you can do is keep the communication lines open & tell them how sorry you were for making poor judgements that have had an adverse effect on their adult lives & try to get them to parent themselves in a better way than you did! If they don't then their hatred towards their parents & themselves can & will destroy their own lives. If I could only turn back the hands of time...

Answer 5

I try to let them do things on their own like I had to do. It's hard because I see them struggle in some of the same ways I did. Sometimes I give in and I know I took one of liefs lessons away from them. What is a mother to do?

Answer 6

I think you mean disenabled, where they were enabled first and taking care of themselves, but you stepped in to help and now he feels like you should be there all the time...

Both of my daughters were like this until their grandfather passed. I told them flat out that it was either them working (since I was unable to find anyone to hire me) or the house was going to be seized out from under us. They have supported us all for 2 1/2 years now quite nicely.

Answer 7

Well, I am not going to let my kids go hungry (for long, at any rate), but I am not going to cover their butts if they spend stupidly, buy things I do not have, etc. They know I am not their bank, and I don't think I am going into that business. On the otherhand, I suspect my kids live in fear that dear old dad will show up on their doorstep one day, homeless, hungry, and have to be taken in...NOW that is getting even with your kids, Isn't it? :-O

Answer 8

I know you're really trying to
lay the super guilt trip on me.
Right? Sorry, I don't go there.
I don't go back and hash and
rehash my life and what did I
do right or wrong. that's nuts.
I did everything right....So here
I am enjoying life. You guys
can worry about your past
mistakes. I don't have the time.

Answer 9

give anything to no ,,up,reasons or not,its done,,hold back and do all you can,,don't tr an carry it all,,,ask for help,,,medically or mentally,,good luck<>IS<>