When Is It Ok to tell your...Grown Child No?

Question

Enough is Enough? I don't have it to give anymore?

Answer 1

Sounds to me as if you have passed that point....NO is a very small word, strikes fear in the hearts of man! It is one of the most powerful words in the English language, and is not used as much as it should be. You are stating (as much as stating) that you have not tried the word out...do it now. Repeat after me, "N O " Try it again..you will get used to it, and so will your kids...after some time. They will stomp, rant, rave "you have so much and I have so little" or something to that ilk. Guess what..you didn't always have it, and if they have their way, you won't have it long! Again, try it out...you are doing then ZERO favors by saying yes...you are only teaching them they can get by with anything as long as you are their safety net. I believe you have served your time...and it is now your turn! Take it, don't throw it away, it may never come again. Good luck and peace, Goldwing (father of two adult sons)

Answer 2

As a parent of a grown son-thats a hard question. It's hard to say no, or at least it is for me. I want him to learn I will not always be here for when he needs help. But as long as I am and he's not asking for help all the time, I guess I will never say enough is enough. Even if it puts me in a tight place. My child even though he is grown is still part of my life. My happiness comes from him being happy. Sappy I know-but thats how it is. I don't need a lot and have all I want so to speak. He is just getting started. But I understand parents who give and give and give , and it never seems to be enough. Then the grown child throws it in their faces they never do anything for them. Thats when I would say ENOUGH.

Answer 3

This is an excellent question. Children manipulate us from day one.
The oldest says," I'm the favorite because I was born first." The middle says, " I should get this or that because I was the middle child and the older and younger child ALWAYS got what they wanted."
The youngest is sure of the position as baby in the family, but in a family of 5 children says," I didn't get enough attention/love, so I want it made up to me now in "money/favors".
Lord have mercy if you have adopted children along with the other children. You have surely loved the other children more because "they were there first."
They try to pull us to pieces emotionally/financially but we don't let them.
One of our children is going into business and had the nerve to ask us to put up our home as collateral. This is the one of ours who is always going to be "ME" first no matter what.

Answer 4

Anytime you are ready. Kids are like cats. As long as you feed them and give them what they want they will stay around looking for more. Mine learned the meaning of the word NO at a very early age. By the time they were in their early 20s at the latest they were totally independent financially and in every other way. But once you quit buying them you will see far less of them. They will be out there living life to the hilt and you will be left alone with a Kleenex.

Answer 5

When the giving becomes a burden, then it's time to start paying attention to your own wants & needs. Growing up isn't easy for a parent or a child & ''NO" doesn't have to be a dirty word if you say it with love in a helpful way. Send them a card if you can't bear to face them when you have to say NO to their requests & demands. Give them sound ideas & alternatives or be honest & tell them that you don't know what to tell them, but that you just can't do it anymore. Don't give in if you can't afford it. Love should no be equated to the amount of money a person can give to another.

Answer 6

When, it begins to endanger your health and the health of the rest of the family. When you feel like there is no longer hope & no matter what you do, it won't change. Somewhere & sometime you have to let go, I know its hard;however this child needs to learn to stand on their own.
Everyone has a hard time learning to cope with adulthood, some more than others. But as long as he or she has a safety net, they will never grow.

Answer 7

They are grown! You cannot feel guilty if they are not making their lives work. It is up to them...not you!

If you are giving money...you are only enabling them to not make "ends meet." I do not wish to hurt your feelings but, you asked and I have two daughter, in their thirties now and I assure you, I had to learn to say NO a long time ago! Since, they both are very successful and standing on their own two feet instead of, stepping on mine when they overspent!

We are growing older and we had to "crawl before we walked too!" Life is NOT easy but, for those of us who are getting older by the moment...we do not need the added pressures nor, the depletion of our savings!

Answer 8

Your child is never a 'grown' child if they're coming to you expecting a hand out. So I would go with when ever you feel it's an infringement of you and your life style.

Answer 9

That's so hard for me too. As a single unemployed senior of 52 my 2 children still come to me with their monetary needs. I've said the bank is closed but I never stick to my word.
Why don't they ask their father for help? He is married and doing great financially.( We have been divorced for 24 years). Maybe it's the mother in us.

Answer 10

When that is exactly what you are thinking!

Your obligation was to turn them loose in society as a fully functioning self-supporting member. You do not help them to fulfill this requirement if you are forever paying their bills and enabling them in their irresponsibility.

Even in my multi-generational home, my daughters are the "bread winners" for all of us! THEY make the money that pays the bills and puts food on the table. And they wouldn't have it any other way.