I feel as though my husband is terribly insensitive and doesn't understand any of the words coming out of my mouth. The ironic thing is that he feels the same way about me. We can't communicate without arguing and never see the other person's side. We are going to begin counseling soon (it takes a while to get an appointment), however what can we do in the mean time to help?
2007-08-28 06:33:47 · 19 answers · asked by allie s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stop listen and think before you speak...After he says something look at him and say I hear what you are saying and repeat it to him make sure you really are hearing him. And he do the same to you.......helps.
2007-08-28 06:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Do a role reversal and then maybe you will understand how he feels and visa versa. Communication is the most important thing in a marriage, because when you get old and sex is no more, you can enjoy good conversation. Try this. For a stated length of time ,Let one say everything they have to say without interruption, and the other person has to listen, with out making any comments. When one gets done, the other gets the same treatment. Then walk away for 1 hour and come back after giving alot of thought to what was said. If you care, you will take the time to really listen, if not it is an excuse to fight.
2007-08-28 06:47:36 · answer #2 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you're not masquerading as my wife? ;-)
I know we're way further down the road. Read my first question to get some insight.
I wish I had the answers from the back of the book like they give out in school.
We've been to counseling for two different periods and got the same non-productive results. Now I'm in individual to learn how to either cope with the hand I've been dealt or get some of the Kool Aid she's been drinking so at least we'd both be on some wavelength together regardless of what I need to give up.
She's been a reticent counseling participant so I've accepted the matter as my responsibility to resolve. I finally told her after my first two sessions that I was going. My therapist asked if she could meet my wife at some point so she'd have some perspective first hand. Mentioned it to my wife, and she actually asked why she was needed. Can you answer that question for her?
Good Luck.
2007-08-28 06:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by dadinvienna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure choose a counselor well. There are as many different counselors as there are married couples and not all the approaches are the same. What I have always told people about this kind of situation is this..
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Choose your words carefully, and he should do the same. So often in the heat of battle we let things just flip off our tongue and then deny any responsibility for having said it.
good luck and believe it or not that " Proper Care " book suggested earlier really works. That is if you are ready to take a good look at yourself and your problems as a way to fix the marriage. if you just want to blame it won't work
2007-08-28 07:00:56 · answer #4 · answered by Average Joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take turns. Sit at the kitchen table. The only 2 rules are that you are not allowed to respond, and use the word You in any of the explainations. Let him go first, no matter what he says you won't let yourself get angry, outwardly anyhow. Let him tell you how he FEELS, this will be real because they are his feelings, he is entitles to them and you can't change the way he feels right now. Get up don't discuss it. The next night it will be your turn. The previous nights discussion is not to be brought up. Express your feelings about what has gone on. Same thing get up and do something else. Next night, each of you bring a piece of paper to the table about how you feel about the other persons feeling....keep in mind that you love each other....you both are suffering...what you feel is your responsibility in not being an active participant in the damaging behavior. Takes self control and commitment to do this, it works though.
2007-08-28 06:45:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One suggestion is to write everything down on a note pad instead of speaking it. That way the tone of voice is not heard but the words still get out there. And also it will be easier to understand the other person. It takes longer to read than it does to listen so there is time for a heated conversation to cool. THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT I CAN TELL YOU THAT WORKS FOR SURE IS TO PUT GOD FIRST AND SEEK HIM. He institued marriage and He truly cares for you and your husband. If you are seeking counseling might I suggest that you speak with a Pastor or someone who is Spiritual. Hope this helps!
2007-08-28 06:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by Jo Marie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Learn how to communicate in the proper way. Communication is talking, listening, and understanding. Without the three of those things you are not communicating. Respect each other's opinions and needs and work on making each other happy. You put 100% effort in making him happy and he put 100% effort in making you happy and take "self" out of the equation and the two of you should be on the road to happiness and bliss!
2007-08-28 06:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by Moni B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like neither of you understand the differences between men and women. Go pick up the book "The proper care and feeding of marriage" and "the proper care and feeding of husbands". They will give you some insight into the differences between men and women and how to communicate with each other in a way that you will understand one another.
2007-08-28 06:45:37 · answer #8 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other posters have said, in addition you''re an adult. You both need to make up ground rules of whats appropriate. No shouting. When talk we sit and look at each other. What makes you upset, what makes him upset? How can I express my feelings to you without making you upset? If you love each other, care about each other. You both have to say shut up to yourself and listen, help each other, and say I am sorry you are upset and what can you and I do to make you NOT feel this way. How can I help you? How can you help me? What do we need to do make this relationship work?
Get to counseling ASAP
2007-08-28 06:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to catch yourselves before you get into the argument. My husband says the same about me. He actually uses different words with meanings that don't apply and says that I don't understand him. I just have to try to decipher what he is saying. You both have to stop immediately reacting to everything the other person says. Calm down.
2007-08-28 06:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by lawstudntbynite 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he agreed to seek counseling and both of you are going then there is still something there. But if not I think its time for you to move on. I'm going through the same situation you are and my wife is refusing to seek help. I'm going to counseling by myself. After that I'm moving on. Its hard,but if we look deep inside I think we can make it.
2007-08-28 06:52:18 · answer #11 · answered by urhomiesid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋