my husband hit my 7 yr old son on the back of his head near neck?

Question

I was schocked b/c it was the first time it happened. My son had an attitude about something and raised his hand at his father and then hit him in the stomach. Ofcourse my son is only 7 and should still know better but my husband smacked him on the back of his head. I'm sure it hurt my son who dramatically threw himself on the floor afterwards. My son was hurt emotionally too that his dad would do that. I told my son to never raise his hand at his parents and he had to respect his dad (could you believe I said that!! I was ready to kill my husband for doing that but I still wanted to teach my boy not to disrespect him). I told him to NEVER touch his neck area or face!! He was very sullen and told me (that night) that he felt horrible and that it ruined his whole day (he slept the whole day). What would you guys do b/c I'm in hysterics thinking about this situation. It was like a firm smack (not a full force....) on the back of his neck..and it made me maaaaad! thanks

Answer 1

Hope, as hard as it is to take, I think you handled it very well in not jumping in and making your husband look wrong in front of your son. You won twice right there. First, your husband knows that you have his back even if you do not agree with him and you can talk about it later. Score one for you there. Second, your son learned something very valuable, when you strike out in anger, someone may very strike back. I do not agree with blows to the face, head or really anywhere but on the butt, but you son will remember that for the rest of his life. You have told your husband you do not agree with how he responded, your husband says he feels he was wrong, but the two of you showed a united front to your son. It sounds like the problem is resolved. I think you did well and there really is nothing else to do. Unless this type of thing is a pattern with your husband and from what you have said here, it is not, then just thank God your son is okay, learned a good lesson and so did his dad.

Answer 2

I would start teaching my son a whole lot more about respect! How dare you take offense at the your husband's response? So what your son is "emotionally" hurt--he will get over it and maybe will have learned something from it!

Quite frankly if one my seven had raised a hand to me at that age they would have had trouble sitting down for a week!

Learn how to discipline your child before it is too late. You do the child and society no favours by raising an out of control, disrespectful brat.

Oh one last thought--next time he will probably be raising his hand to you--how are you going to react--what about when he is ten, or sixteen? Be a parent.

Answer 3

Parents do that all the time. It hasn't hurt me or any other kid I've ever known who got it. I'd say your kid had it coming. I bet he'll think twice before disrespecting dad again. I'd say drop it, since your kid needed it, and it worked. Going into hysterics just means you side with your kid, at least in your kid's mind.

For those who think smacking a child when a child has it coming scars them for life, sorry, but I've been smacked and am not scarred. I have a great relationship with my parents.

You said your son dramatically threw himself on the floor. He was doing that to get attention from you, and it worked. It made you mad at your husband and it made your husband feel bad. When he started his tantrum, he should have been sent to his room or told he'd get more of the same if he didn't straighten up. Your son wasn't all that emotionally hurt. He acted like that so he'd get pity from you, which I'm sure he knows worked to some extent. Kids aren't stupid. They know what's going on.

Kids hit parents when they want their way. They don't have to learn it from anyone. Kids hit, all of them do at times, but I bet yours will think twice before hitting dad again.

Your husband did apologize to you, so why are you still so upset? Sometimes holding anger against someone is far worse than the actual deed, which is done and over with, and your husband apologized to you. Now you go apologize to him for staying so mad. Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, first of all the damage is done. Hopefully you did not voice your objections of your husband's actions in front of your son. If you do this, your son will have a weapon and play you against each other. Your husband "reacted" to the situation... your son shouldn't have hit his dad. And he suffered the consequences. It sounds like your husband is sorry for reacting the way he did. My advice would be: First, you and husband need to agree on how to discipline the child... spanking on the butt is not illegal... and in this instance would have been called for... Second, dad needs to tell son: "I'm sorry that I smacked you on the head. I'm sure that it hurt and I shouldn't have hit you there." then "You are to never raise a hand to hit your mother or me ever again! If you do, you will be punished". Finally, get over your mad at hubby.... make peace so son doesn't feel like he caused your tension.

Answer 5

First, there's a difference between spanking a child and hitting them in the head. The first is an acceptable form of discipline as long as it's not too hard, but the latter can cause injury to a child. What your husband did was definitely out of line. He needs to apologize to your son for losing his temper and hitting him like that, but explain that to him that his behavior was wrong and tell him what the punishment will be if he does it again (whether it be a calm and controlled spanking, grounding him to his room for a few days, or whatever).

Answer 6

I really appreciate the answer Linda S gave. You do need to talk to your husband in private and discuss what rewards and consequences are ACCEPTABLE in regards to your son! Then your husband NEEDS to apologize to your son for his reaction for the way it was done but not for the discipline itsself! Then all of you need to sit down for a family chat! Discuss what actions your son does that will provoke discipline and exactly what the discipline will be! Whatever you do, get a handle on the behaviors of each person in the home now, especially the 7 yr olds behavior, before it has a chance to get worse! Hitting a parent is not a typical reaction for a child that young! Better figure out where that came from!
Best Wishes!

Answer 7

Well, sometimes it hurts a parent to punish a child in any form. But I think that your son will NEVER raise a hand to an adult again. He will always remember what happened.....the consequences.

And Yes, maybe your husband should have smacked him elsewhere..........but..........it is done now and can't be taken back. Maybe both of them have learned a valuable lesson. Both of them will think next time. Just relax, and let the past go. I know that you are upset.........but just know that it is likely that this won't happen again. And even though it seems terrible now..........who knows you may be able to sit back and laugh about it one day!

Answer 8

It sounds to me like your husband hitting your son was more reflex, not something he thought or planned to do.

I think your husband was ashamed of the way he acted and that is why he slept all day, it was easier than facing you. My husband would be the same way.

I would take the whole thing as a lesson learned, for your son, who will not raise his hand to his parents again, and for your husband, who will stop and think before he reacts.
You handled the whole thing very well, now let it go.

Answer 9

Kids get spanked when they're bad and now-a-days we can't say that because some fool will be watching to call CPS. I don't blame anyone in this situation. As long as your husband didn't do it extremely hard than your son basically got repermanded for it. Talk to your son in a calm voice and tell him that you both are the parents and that he should never hit you guys. Was your son playing around because I know boys do that and they do it hard (I have two nephews and I watch them pound their father but playing). But if he didn't like something and wanted to hit his dad then that is physcological and needs to be evaluated because the anger is coming from somewhere. If it is only and always directed at your husband then I would "surprisingly" check up on both of them to see how their relationship is behind closed doors. Your husband could be belittling him when your not around. Kids don't just do that for no reason. I would check up on it.

Answer 10

You did the right thing, but also If he didn't crack him over the head and only scolded your son he may not have learned that he isn't to raise a hand or hit his father. Now a days if you don't show a little disipline to your kids they will walk all over you!