women save my marriage?

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Member since: February 06, 2007
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amayseng
S How do i reconcile?
i am meeting my wife tonight to talk about the marriage. we have been separated for 10 weeks with no progress, no moving forward, at times we both want to , and at times we are hesitant to try. i have been willing to try, she seems she wants me to put in all the effort without her giving any...asking me for more, but then not allowing me to give her more, just as in the marriage. we separated originally because i asked her to leave, she told me for months i was not in her heart, she couldnt be intimate with me and i tried for three months to work things out...she declined and wouldnt budge, telling me she hated her life and was unhappy ...therefore i told her to leave....any suggestions???

i did not want to kick her out, i felt she was just staying until i opened the door so she was not to blame..for 4 months or more she had nothing to do with me emotionally, spiritually or physically while telling me she was torn to be married...i thought she meant it wasnt pouting

Answer 1

You weren't worng for tellign her to leave. A marriage is about TWO people worknig things not one person giving there all and teh other person just giving...well, nothing. I am in the exact same predicament but slightly less obvious. I feel like my husband doesn't care or wants to try. In turn I don't care and don't feel like trying anymore. You are a good man and husband for giving it your all but she needs to realize the grass is not greener on the other side. You can't make someone love you. If we could, life would be so happy and easy. But that isn't the case. Let her go and let her be. Yuo can only try so hard before she decides to stay for pity and you don't want that. You want her to want and love you. If the lvoe is still there shew ill but if its not, only tiem will tell. Let her go and try to distance your self. What maybe trying for you is pity for her. Don't fall into a trap where you will be twice as unhappy before she left the first time.Good luck. find someone with vows as faith liek yours.

Answer 2

When a real woman is told to leave her home by her husband, believe me, she is not going to return especially if she's unhappy. She is in need of the comfort of a man. When you made her leave that pushed her further away from you. You should have been seeking help while she was still in the home. With you making her leave gave her the opportunity to find love somewhere else. You need to sit down and ask yourself was she really the one for you. Sometimes we marry a person for the wrong reasons. Remember, we are only with certain people for a season but we tend to try to make it a lifetime with them. It's just not going to work. If she is willing to meet with you try to talk without arguing. Arguing will only add fuel to the fire. Be sincere in all that you say to her. If she need to say something, let her say it because if you don't let her get any words in she is going to feel that she met with you for nothing. It's obvious that she had something serious on her mind for her to be so unhappy with her life and you. Whatever you done to her or whatever you wasn't doing to her needs to be addressed. You two need to communicate more than what you were doing in order for this marriage to work. You need more time for each other, more communication, and much more showing of love, if there is true love there. These things are important for a successful marriage. If you can't have these things with each other then your marriage is useless.

Answer 3

Yes! If you haven't tried marriage counseling please do that or go to a church and talk with someone there. Something is definately going on with your wife emotionally and you need to get to the bottiom of it. If you love her be patient and understanding because you don't know what her real issues are here and she may be afraid to tell you? You did not say how old your wife was? She could have some sort of embalance going on in her body that she is not even aware of? She hates her life for a reason real or imagined and you need to find out more in detail about something from her past possibly that she could be ashamed of? Tell her to come back home and work this out with the both of you together and don't tell her to leave unless you mean it for good! If she still claims that she loves you over all of this then it may be something mental and she could maybe need some medication and someone she can trust to talk with untill she can be honest with you. Find out why all of a sudden she does not have you in her heart ......did she possibly get into an affair with someone and is confused over someone else? I hope that I am wrong here but you have to look at every avenue and remember back when everything began to change for her. You have to get her to open up to find out the real truth about things because without knowledge you can't fix it! You stated that at times she wants to get back with you then draws back.....she sounds afraid of something here like she wants you to put forth all the effort as if this will prove something to her about you? Honestly I would call a therapist and if you already have seen one and it hasn't worked ..try another one. From there you will be able to make a final decision about your marriage. best of luck to you and take care.

Answer 4

Counseling may help. Some problems need an impartial third party.

Unfortunately, if she doesn't love you and doesn't want to try to work with you to save the marriage, there isn't much you can do. When you talk to her tonight, tell her you want the marriage to work, but that BOTH of you have to do it.

I wish you luck.

Answer 5

From my personal experience when those feelings are no longer there the marriage is over. It is SO hard to get back those feelings once they are lost. If you have been seperated for 10 weeks and no one is trying to do anything then I think that is a sign. If your wife hates her life then why would you want her to continue living that life? It is very hard for her right now because she is telling you her feelings but knows how hard it is on you and that is why she has not "left" yet.

Answer 6

You are going to have to realize one of the two of you is going to initially start the renewing process I am going to give you the name of two books that changed my marriage so drastically they are Love and Respect and Cracking the communication code both by Emmerson Eggrich you can buy the cd's online at loveandrespect.com. You can have a happy marriage and you can make her fall in love with you again!! Oh and once you give effort for awhile she will start to unknowingly give effort as well so give it some time.

Answer 7

you kicked out your wife ??


damn thats cold


hey maybe she didnt want to be intamate bcuz you were "pressuring" her for sex





is that the case?

cuz if it is you may as well pack up your balls and look elsewhere

the one thing women hate most is a man thinking they should give them sex yto show love , marrie d or no
and can also lead to her not loving you anymore

im sure there are other issues to work on

but if YOU WANT THIS TO WORK

you go meet her tonight

and LISTEN to what she has to say
you arent going to like whaty she has to say

but if you are going to make this work

thats the way its going to have to be

you are going to have to change



thats just the waY IT IS AND ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT !

Answer 8

sounds like shes just done some times its just over. A relationship only works when two people put in an effort otherwise its stalking

Answer 9

She's not in love with you and no matter what you do, you can't make her happy. It's not your fault nor is it hers. She just doesn't love you the way a wife should love her husband. Time to let go.

Answer 10

Time for you both to move on. You can't fill a cup that has a hole in the bottom and if she is that distant and unhappy it is time to let go.