is my hubby cheating?

Question

i found 7 texts on my husbands phone, in his sentbox, they were basically rude texts to another woman, saying what he cant wait to do her, etc etc. he says he hasnt slept with her, he was going to but he backed out at the last minute (more like she did), anyway the question im asking is? do i believe him and or forgive him?

Answer 1

it is really inappropriate for him to be sending theses kinds of texts to another woman. I wonder how he would feel if he found similar messages on your phone. He is making a fool out of you. Of course he is cheating. He certainly isn't thinking about your feelings when he does this kind of thing. You don't exist to him. There will be another woman after this. I reckon a trial seperation to show him what he is missing. Don't let him forget for a minute that he is the one in the wrong. He will probably try turning the tables by saying you intruded his privacy by going through his phone...well it's a good job you did otherwise you might never have found out. And how many of his mates etc. know about this? You are going to be a joke unless you take control. Even if he seems to settle down and everything is ok, make sure you keep it at the back of your mind that he could be up to something, hire an investigator to follow him for a short time. Good luck.

Answer 2

The real question you have to ask yourself is how much do you love your husband.

I don't think there's really any doubt as to whether or not he was cheating because intent in this instance is equivalent to the offence. You have stated in your question that he said that he was going to but backed out in the last minute. So there is really no question as to whether or not he is cheating.

Obviously there are some trust issues in the relationship if you were going through his phone and the revelation that there was this problem won't help those.

The only thing you can do is ask yourself a) do you feel that it will happen again b) can you forgive him and c) do you love him enough to give him another chance.

If the answer to a is yes or to b and c are no then you have to consider the future of your relationship. If the answer to a is no and to be and c are yes then you have to put it behind you and maybe look into why he may have been looking elsewhere and work with him to address the issues.

It may be that if you spice things up in the bedroom he won't be bored and won't have to look elsewhere, or it may be that you both need to start working out together so that you are attractive to one another or it might be that he feels he hasn't experienced enough of the world and you may even consider a threesome so that you can help make his fantasies come true and be a part of them. But if you decide to forgive him you have to do it for real because if every time he does something wrong you dredge it up and say "remember when you did that" then you haven't really forgiven him and the relationship won't ever recover...

Love is a very precious thing and I wish you all the best in this, it's never easy to get past something like this, but if you are both truly in love then you will and if it wasn't meant to be then fate has shown you that that is the case and you can move forward in life... good luck

Answer 3

He may not have cheated in the physical sense but he definitely cheated in his mind and that is just as bad. Nasty messages to another woman, shame on him!

Why were you looking at messages on his phone anyway, was there something else that made you wonder if he was cheating, has he been acting different, coming home late with lame explanations, etc?

Only you can decide to forgive him, can you let this go or will you continue to look through his phone for messages and wonder every time he is late?

I think the only way that I could let it go would be to go to counseling, get everything out in the open and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that this will not be tolerated.
Who knows, maybe counseling will work and you will have a stronger relationship for it.

Answer 4

If you do want to make a go of this then counselling is the only way. I watched my mum and step dad fall apart once he slept with someone else and although they stayed together, they may as well have split because all mum did was accuse and get paranoid and all my step dad did was get angry at being questioned and accused all the time and their marriage is in complete tatters. If he wants to stay with you and you think you can learn to trust him again then get some counselling. Too many people give up at the first sign of trouble and too ashamed to say counselling is a good idea. I am sure once you explore the problems and get over them, then you may well have something better than when you started. Marriage is a working progress, not all hearts and flowers. Too many people will say 'dump him, will never change his spots' etc but how do you know if you do not try and make it work?

Answer 5

several questions spring to mind!

I would ask what you were doing looking through the texts on his phone?
and
If he was cheating on you and DIDN'T want you to find out, then why leave the texts on his phone?

so he could be really stupid or you could be lacking in a little trust at the moment.

What I would say is this, he has obviously thought about cheating, only he can say whether he has actually done it or not! that is up to you to decide whether you think he is lying or not.

Sounds like there is a lot more going on than just you finding texts on his phone.

Don't make decisions based on emotion, give your self a chance to cool down then sit and talk through it with him. If you decide you don't want to try then you have your excuse.... if you do want to try then you've got some talking and hard work ahead of you.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Answer 6

hello, this is a tough decision, Do you want to forgive ? I would say if he hasn't cheated on you yet he will do soon, I know that I would not forgive my husband if I was in your situation but you know your relationship better than anyone else, its a hard thing to walk away from someone you love and even harder when you think that you can fix the problem but somewhere down the line the problem may come back and then you are going to beat yourself up because you trusted him and gave him another chance.
You should never be hurt in this way by someone who loves you, best wish I hope things work out for you.

Answer 7

Whether he did or didn't, he was going to so the thought was there initially so he is having some sort of fling with this woman. It's up to you whether you forgive him and move on but ask your self this: are you going to trust him again? You will always be checking is phone, pockets etc.. looking for evidence that he is cheating.

If you want to save your marriage you could try counselling, but he has to want to save it too. Talk to him and find out if he is sorry for one!!! If it was me, I would be leaving but I have been there before, it took me about 4 years to realise I was with a serial cheat, don;t make the same mistake I did!!!

Answer 8

Just the FACT that he was contemplating is a very bad sign.
How can you believe him now about anything. Contact the women and ask her also. Once someone has crossed that line there is no turning back. You DO NOT do that to someone you love and respect. If you have a lot a stake you may have to forgive but you will never forget and trust will be hard to come by.

Answer 9

how can u let him treat u like that?! the fact that he even admitted to u that u was gonna sleep with her is so shocking, whether or not u believe him is irrelevent.
if i was u, i wouldnt put up with it. it it was just a boyfriend, then i would of dump him then and there but because ur married to him i think u should give him an ultamatium.
marriage isnt a game. cheatingor planning to cheat is serious and shouldnt be forgiven easily.
if i were u i would go to my mums or friends and ignore all his calls until he comes back grovelling and promising not to do it again.
cheating is disgusting. why did he marry u then if he was just going to cheat?

Answer 10

Its a really hard one but I suppose you have to do what you can live with best, firstly I wouldn't believe him about backing out the last minute, but can you forgive a affair because even though he may not have slept with her his intention was to, I think if it was me I would give him another chance but would be very care full.