Am I wrong? Please be honest, willing to work on problem?

Question

Been married 1 month; husband is never home, always going out with friends drinking. He ignores me all the time, making me go to his friends wedding on my 30th birthday after this guy has done several really inappropriate, hurtful things to me. Husband says I never want to go anywhere with him (but I'm not invited by him either). He says "it's my life" when I think it's supposed to be "our life" right? or wrong? am I being selfish and feeling neglected for no reason or should he ALWAYS be out and never with me? I'm very confused and very hurt and am willing to work on this if it is in fact, my doing. There is also a huge amount of affection missing on his part and I don't know what to do. When he said "it's my life" that really hurt me; maybe I'm wrong. What do you think?

we have talked and he ends up screaming at me or totally ignoring me.

no he wasn't this bad before, he'd going out every now and again but that was fine; we also didn't live together until after marriage because I was recovering from a near death car accident and could re-coup in time. BAD IDEA I know now.

Answer 1

Wow! It sounds like you married MY ex-husband. He was never home - always with his friends and had no regard for my feelings. Please, please, please believe me when I tell you that THEY NEVER CHANGE. I would get out of there so fast it would make his head spin. Your husband should want to be with you all the time, especially being a newlywed. My new husband doesn't want to be without and misses me when he's at work. If he sees his friends, it's with their wives as well. Get out while you can without having to deal with kids, etc.....

Answer 2

I do not think you are wrong. To a certian degree you do each have your own lives and your own friends. However, there should be a large amount of OUR life in the mix, which it sounds like there isn't. This is going to cause major problems if not resolved. I can completely understand how you feel. I am also missing affection in my marriage, and after 12 years, it is about to end the marriage. You need to let your husband know that you are feeling this way. If he is completely unwilling to share his life with you, then I would say the marriage was a mistake. Part of being in a permanent relationship is sharing your life with your partner. Both of you have to take the other into consideration. It sounds like he is not doing this. I do not wish you to suffer what I have for the last decade or more. Talk to him and try to learn to make "our life" as much, if not more, a part of the marriage as "his life" and "your life" are. Neither of you have to completely give up your indvidual lives to have a life together and you shouldn't. However, without a life together you are nothing more than roommates with no chance of finding someone who makes you happy. I truly hope he will listen to what you have to say, but if he chooses not to listen, then I wish you the strength to avoid my pain and find someone who will make you happy now rather than later.

Answer 3

Even you did not mention here but I assume that you did not realize this person's character before marriage since love is blind or he acted like another person successfully. Otherwise it would not be wise thing to marry such a man. Just ask him why he married to you? If he talks about love then you can tell him that he talks without thinking that he may hurt you, he leaves you alone, spends more time with his friends and it is not love. He ignores you it is not respect.
If he wants someone to take care of house issues then he can hire someone for it instead of marrying you. If he feels alone when he comes home he can buy a pet instead of marrying you. Because I do not see any respect or love in his actions.

Answer 4

One month? This may be a solveable problem and it may not be. If it is you better get some help from his family and your family and a counselor and stop it in its tracks now. If it isn't then get out of there before you AND your children have to deal with this kind of treatment. I would tell him right now that I want a divorce...If he loves you and doesn't want to lose you he may start listening and behaving better toward you. If he goes into a rage or hits you (and he might from the sound of him) then get the divorce and don't look back. Surely he didn't treat you this way while you were dating and if he did you made a mistake in the first place so now is the time to correct it.

Answer 5

Just been a month, but don't get off birth control! You'll be sitting home alone w/ a baby and no other company. Taking care of the house etc., and pacing angrily; waiting on him to come home for ... that's what's in your future. You'll become a nag and he'll finally agree to go to therapy when you threaten to divorce him. By then he'll be use to having his own life w/ maid/cook/mommy to his kids; it'll just be 'cheaper to keep her.'

Create your own life, don't stop hanging with your friends. If you wouldn't go to this guy's wedding - Say that@@! Go out with friends and tell the hubby you'd like to spend time with him on your birthday if he's not to busy with other people. Ask him if he'll take you to dinner on the night before or after it. Compromise but stay in control. Don't let him run your life. A guy will only run your character & self esteem into the ground. He's got ya , married to ya, sees you all the time now - he figures his work is done.

Answer 6

Something is amiss in this marriage. It is communication. Neither of you are being honest with the other about your feelings. Whether he invites you or not, go, he is your husband. If you feel that going places without him is not right, then let him know. We should always talk to and not down to our partner, not saying you do this, but I think at times we're all guilty of this. Your not wrong to a certain point, he is right it is your life. But again once you two married you and he became partner's in life, but it sounds as if both are going in different directions.

Answer 7

Oh sweetie, you are in a big mess. If your hubby is treating you like this now, it won't be any better in a year or two.

He should put you first in EVERY way, not be going out with friends or missing your b-day.

Get some counciling - find out why you are putting up with such treatment.

Then, tell your husband your needs and ask him if he is willing to put effort into your marriage. If he's not, get divorced now before you start having kids. You're young, don't waste the best years of your life on a loser.

Answer 8

Tell him you can help him be single again.....He is not being a husband. He needs to grow up and face the facts. There is nothing wrong with going out once in awhile with his friends but, come on he is married and needs to act like it. Also it is your 30th you should have put your foot down and told him you were going to do something together. Time for him to stop being selfish.......

Answer 9

This IS bad. You don't have much of a marriage. I don't know what you can do to fix this problem and his lack of commitment to your marriage. If it were me I would probably try also going out, with different people from him, get involved in some things, that way he will wonder where you are going and maybe find a renewed interest in you. Sounds like he got married and got cold feet. I have a feeling fussing about it isn't the answer, talking to him will only sound like complaining to him. You are going to have to be creative here.

Answer 10

If what you say is all true it would appear that this guy got married in order to secure himself someone to cook, clean, be his sexual partner when needed & accompany him to events that required a partner.

I nearly always support the guy in domestic disagreements but I have struck men like this before.

Married for only one month? Best think about getting out early before things become too entangled & bitter - not that it's an easy thing to do.