would you leave your husband if....?

Question

I've tried and tried to work things out but he just goes back to his old habits every time?
We’ve been married for almost 8 years now, we have two grade school children and I'm so unhappy! I do love him but I hate his unwillingness to help around the house at all. That's not the bad part...
He has a pill problem... (Xanax, vicodin) he doesn't buy them illegally because they are prescribed to him but he takes too many of them when he gets them and gets a buzz from it.

I take a different nerve pills myself and I've had to hide them from him because he kept taking them. I one day found him in my purse getting them!!! I've told him over and over it's a major problem. His best friend I (that used to have the same problem) has even tried talking to him and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal!!!
Would you leave??
We hardly ever have any affection towards each other but I know we do love each other. I just can't take it though. I don't want my kids to see him like that either.

I have confronted him about this face to face when he wasn't on the pill and I've wrote him letters and nothing works! how can i MAKE him? you can't make someone do something they don't want to do or i guess stop them form doing something they want to do?

To Kris l.....
I take never pills because I have anxiety attracts from time to time. I don't take them regularly only when needed (my lips get numb and my hands get tingly and I hyperventilate! so don't even compare me with him!!! I could be a month supply (30) and it last OVER a year if I could keep them hidden from him!!

Answer 1

Yes, I would leave.

Answer 2

Your at that trial period in marriage where most marriages have trouble and many people split. I would say don't give up just yet. I very much understand the issue with pills I lived it through my mom It's hard to deal with so I'm understanding on that aspect. Maybe you could get online to web md and look up info on those pills and print out the harm they can do to a body if taken improperly to show him I know for a fact xanax can have ill effects on your nervous system. You can also try talking to his doctor (which will upset him). I tell everyone on here that has marriage problems to read Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication Code by Emmerson Eggrich (you can buy the cd's online at loveandrespect.com. Try working on rekindleing the love you have for eachother and then maybe he will be more willing to realize his addiction and the impact it has on you and the kids. I am very sorry to hear of your situation and i wish u the best. Try these books and apply the knowledge give it a year and then if you don't see him trying to change his drug use tell him it's your family or the drugs what's more important? Now I'm not telling you to divorce him ( i don't believe in it) but if you take this drastic measure you must prepare yourself for a very hard road so really try to work it out with the help from these books. Remember yur vows this is the "worse" part.

Answer 3

He has a problem and no amount of letters, threats to leave or begging is going to make him realize that there is an issue. He feels that him popping pills like Tic Tacs is not a problem so why should he stop. This situation is not healthy for you or him and it may be best that until he realizes that there is a problem that you and the kids leave or ask him to go. Maybe once you are gone it will give him a wake up call and he may say "hey, there must really be a problem". It may also help if you both attend counseling together and maybe a 3rd party perspective into your marriage may make him start to realize that there is an issue.

Answer 4

Hi i am married too.

I understand how you feel as a wife when the huby just don't help anything around the house.

I think both of you been taking pills which mean both of you are no longer happy.

If i have someone i love i would not need the pills :)

I know it hard to leave him

Even if you stay it would not be good for the kids either

I say give this up & it time you find the person that will make you happy

Your kids will understand & will find a person to make them happy as well

Wish you good luck ya

May god bless all of us :)

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament!

Two things you can try if you've already talked to him about taking too many pills = addiction:

1. See if you can schedule an appointment for both of you with the doctor issuing the pills. Tell the doctor about him using them to get a buzz (like alcohol) and stealing your pills, also. The doctor may decide to change his pills.

2. See if he'll go to couples counseling and then tell the counselor you are thinking of leaving him because of his pill addiction.

I suspect he will not want to do either one as he likes things the way they are.

Then it is up to you to go or stay, knowing this will continue.

Answer 6

First off I'm sorry I know what it feels like for a spouse to be dependent on a substance. Second he can't help your relationship until he helps himself. If you don't absolutely need your pills I suggest getting rid of them for good! And if your concerned about your husbands abuse of Xanax and Vicodin inform his doctor that he is abusing them and ask if there are any substitutions. If he really wants pills he'll find a way to get them but this will make it more difficult for him to get access. He might be upset but you need to do whats best for your children and your marriage. Let him know how much he is hurting you and you don't want to see him like that. I hope everything turns out well, good luck

Answer 7

Life is about being happy and fulfilled. Life is about making your children better and happier people then we are ourselves.
If you stay you will not be helping yourself your children or your husband. Unfortunately alot of people are living life backwards.
If you want to go forward in life - you sometimes have leave somebody behind, who is not up to the trip.
You need to think of yourself and your children. Get them out of a situation that might turn bad. Show them that love can mean to leave somebody so they one day can find their own way. But if you leave you have to tell him why you can not stay and that since you are the only one walking around without a buzz in their head you will have to make the decisions in the family. Should he want the position back as father and husband then he will have rethink his life and where it is heading.
PS - Don't you leave - throw the pill popping child out of the house.
Good Luck

Answer 8

I think that both you and your husband need to be in counseling (NOT 'couples counseling') and that both of you also need to be in 'rehab' for your 'dependence' on drugs. No wonder you have no 'affection' ... since most of the type of drugs you are both using have 'sexual side effects' ... and while you may believe that you 'need' your pills, and that your husband is 'abusing' his pills, I think that BOTH of you have a problem with drug abuse! I'm NOT saying that you are an 'addict' ... just that your language tells me that there is much more here than 'meets the eye' ... and that this problem has gone on for so long that even YOU may be 'unaware' of the problem you have too ...
Should you 'leave' your husband? Yes. Should you take your kids? Yes ... but you also need some 'alone time' ... at least three months ... so it would be 'best' if you have a family member who could take the kids for that time, but if you don't have one, you may need to get the 'state authorities' involved. That is extremely frightening, but if YOU turn your kids over to the state, and you tell them that you need this time to 'get yourself together' so that you CAN take better care of them, you should be able to visit them regularly and to get them back when YOU are ready and not when THEY say that you 'may' be ready but they want to put you under 'restrictions.' FAMILY is always better, but there are very similar problems there ... but right now YOU need to concetrate on taking care of YOU ... for your children's sake. If they are old enough, talk to them ... I'll be praying for ALL of you.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are dealing with an addict. You will not be able to change him. He has to want to change. Addiction is a disease and there is no cure for it. BUT recovery is possible. I found recovery through working the 12 steps of narcotics anonymous. I only sought help when I reached a bottom. I had to loose everything before I could admit I had a problem. I used drugs for over 10 years but finally changed my life! My family had to show me tough love. They wouldn't be in my life until I got help for myself. I had no one to turn to and nowhere to go. It was when they turned their back on me that I began to see my addiction and the problems it was causing. Today I have 3 1/2 years clean. I am also married to an addict with 8 years clean. My point is that people can change!! Maybe you need to show him some tough love. Tell him as long as he is using you will not be a part of his life. Tell him he can't see the kids. He shouldn't be around them high anyway!Tell him he needs to get some help for himself. Suggest Narcotics Anonymous. If he is an addict the meetings can offer him a new way to live! I would also suggest you to go to some al-anon meetings. They offer support for people who live with an addict. The people there will be able to give you suggestions on what to do in your situation.

Answer 10

This is a problem with a lot of men sometimes it takes you leaving before he really understands the seriousness of your anger .....so you've talked to him and you've tried to work things out ....but yet you still have nothing! Go ahead and leave or threaten him that your leaving and if he loves you the way you say he does trust me he will get his act together but first you play a little game. Dont accept his phone calls for a few days just to make him think that you dont care about him anymore that drives him crazy, and finally one day answer and act like you dont care and when you finally take him back make him seek help. Dont feel weak and dont feel like you cant get results....be strong ,pray, and fight. Hope I helped!

Answer 11

I would leave. Either kick him out or pack your things and take the kids and go. Let him be alone for a few weeks or months. He will most likely hate not being able to see you and the children and want to make a change to get you back. Keep in contact with him the whole time and tell him what he needs to do to get back with you. DONT GIVE IN!! Stand up for yourself.