Harmless fun or cheating?

Question

I have been friends for 6 or 7 months to a woman that moved into our neighborhood recently. Both of us work from home, so we tend to visit throughout the day. A few days ago, we were sitting at my kitchen table, and we were talking about the new shade of lipstick I was applying when she said softly, "let's see how it looks on me". I held it out to her and instead of taking it, she leaned over to me and kissed me full on the mouth. I was in complete shock, butI did kiss her back. She drew back and then started laughing, saying "you should see the look on your face"! I began laughing too and I realized that she was just messing with me, but now I can't get that kiss out of my mind. I'm planning on telling my husband about it but have procrastinated. He's always fantasized about 2 women and I'm sure he would be okay with it. I've also thought about kissing her again. I don't think I would ever take it further than that though. Would you consider this to be cheating on my husband?

Yes, I asked this before, but it was late and received few answers

Answer 1

CONGRATULATIONS! you've stopped at the right place.

But obviously only a FEW people who posted answers to your question, have wholesome down-to-earth qualities with a moralistic view, unfortunately.
Believe me really young people (mostly under 25) haven't experienced enough to give this kind of advice and think they want to do exactly the same.

(Ontheotherhand is one of the good guys, so always listen to what he has to say :)

And to put it staight to you...YES it is cheating if you desire more. If you didn't think anything after the kiss you could probably just ignore it...

BUT most decent people know for a FACT that kissing is always more affectionate than sex itself (which is also why most prostitutes and/or escort ladies won't kiss their clients), because these feelings are what tell you if you feel more for someone than just friendship (or business)...and you obviously did.

I agree that alot of guy fantasize about this, BUT most change their minds when it actually happens especially if they know you were being affectionate or even just kissing the other person back.

Look to be honest about your situation, if you tell your husband and he is fine with it, that's OK but also on the other hand if you do end up having further desire to procede with this other relationship it may pay off to try and include him (offer the chance to watch and/or join in) you'd obviously have to put that to the other woman, because then you'll truely know if he could handle this sort of relationship or not.
And if he doesn't like it I suggest you look at what you want, and what he wants and discuss it from there to find a solution.

Personally
(yes I've cheated once, but that was in high school, and I've never forgotten about it to this day, and never intend to),
I believe cheating hurts when it does because you take something which was once whole, keeping in mind that you love this person sooo much more than anyone else,
(and yes, I knew what the adult emotional feeling of love was in primary school but was the only guy who did that I knew of)

Anyway you take this once compete thing...say a golf ball and step on it...it's strong and hard to break, then start cutting pieces away from it, it always turns into something incomplete, and like foundations with structural damage eventually will crumble when you step on it again later, like maybe not straight away, and depending on how much damage was originally caused, it's just a matter of when it breaks, indefinitely.
Well we're pretty much the same considering that we basically are biologically moving structures as are all animals. We may not fall down physically from cheating or being cheated on (unless a partner is aggressive obviously), but we'll all definitely fall down mentally from such things in the end.

Just REMEMBER kissing means you have feelings for someone, where sex (unless already in a loving relationship) only proves you like what you see physically. And it's much easier for a guy to get over a mistake than something which continues and if you evidently do not feel the same towards your original partner (your hubby), and believe me when I say he will notice...like he may not know what's up but he will know something's up, and that's enough to start a downward spiral with irrational emotions.

You'll have to be absolutely honest about the whole situation for any good to come out of it. Because if you don't tell him and you keep seeing her, and continuing this endevour, in the long run you'll do far more subconscious damage to both you and you hubby and possibly the other woman.
If you end it with a bad breakup from this, ending the marriage, and decided it would be for the better...then...Every time you look at this other woman it will unwillingly remind you of that bad outcome and bring you and that person down...EVERYTIME, and you'll probably end up hating yourself and possibly her, making you no good for any relationship until fixed.

My only other thought is and MOST importantly do you have children, because they ALWAYS come first...then you and so-on.

REMEMBER truth always is the front runner of every situation, but can be invisible to most, but always becomes clear to everyone in the end.
So follow your heart and soul, NEVER follow impulse or you'll ALWAYS lose in the end, and the end result is ONLY EVER what matters...
So ask yourself:
Are you happy with who you are and where you are heading?

Hope you get through this without too much hassle and I really hope this helps, because you sound caring enough to worry about such truth...which is why your gut instinct is obviously telling you to seek advice from others...this is a good thing, this means you're starting to tap into your inner being, meaning you're trying to avoid putting yourself in a situation where fear could ruin your steps forward...well done.

Good Luck
The Realist Spiritualist

Answer 2

I've had a couple of my girlfriends hit on me as well. I was nice but very "no thank you" and told my husband about it as soon as it happened. I would have told him if it was a male as well. Cheating is cheating no matter what the sex of the other person. My husband is my best friend and there is no way I could not tell him about something like this happening. Many men fantasize about 2 women. That doesn't mean it ever needs to be a reality. My husband has told me that he has too much respect for me to ever consider making it a reality. That just made me love him all the more. If you want her as a kissing partner, I would certainly talk to your husband about it. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Whether it's a man or a woman, anyone you are willing to kiss would be considered cheating to me. If you have any kind of intimately emotional feelings for another person, then it's definitely not doing your husband right. As far as the 3some thing - it probably will ruin your relationship. Men love fantasies about that but when it comes to someone they care about it's a different story. Sounds like she is for sure a lesbian but if I were you I would take a step back and make sure that is something you really want to do before you jump in - A decision like that deserves alot of time to think before jumping. If you want to mention it to your husband, you can but be prepared for ANY reaction. He could be excited by it at first but then after thinking he may decide he doesn't like it.
Or he could be really angry at first - in which case I would nix the whole idea from the get go. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I feel it is cheating either way with another man or woman. I really think this was innocent though. I do think you should tell your husband just to keep the honesty and trust in the relationship. You are probably right, it will not affect him except being upset that he missed it. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. She is the one that shocked you with this. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

I would think twice about telling your husband. He may find the thought of 2 women a turn on, but he may just mean on the TV, in a film, in a threesome with him. But i really don't think that he would be turned on by you and another woman kissing in private and the fact you are thinking of the next one already.

Answer 6

Would you want your husband harmlessly kissing anyone? Fantasies are meant to be fantasies, once you introduce any third, be it male or female into a marriage, it opens a door you hadn't intended to open. Marriage = Monogamy. If you want to swing then don't get married its just that much easier. Your looking for trouble opening Pandora's box, so to speak!

Answer 7

That's a tough one! But I guess in my mind if you do anything considered sexual with someone other than your spouse that would be cheating. Think of it this way, if your hubby kissed someone else and said it was just a joke would you be upset? I don't know about telling him, I probably would keep this one to myself!

Answer 8

No it's not cheating. All men have the same fantasy, but if you were to tell him that you fantasized about 2 men, he' be pissed. I wouldn't tell him if you think it was no big deal. It could open a new can of worms.

Answer 9

that's a tricky one, if i found out my different one million/2 grow to be emailing or chatting approximately saucy issues with different women then i might have a super situation with that and definite i might evaluate it being untrue in a manner. He does no longer tolerate me doing that the two. i understand you assert you do no longer connect up with those women whether this is not being genuine on your better half, intimacies which comprise this could be reserved to your better half in basic terms.

Answer 10

If you have kept it from him this long,then obviously you know the answer to your own question.

Be prepared for alot of hurt if you bring this other woman into your relationship. Maybe your husband will like her better,and then what?