How Can I get my wife to have sex?

Question

Ok-My wife and I have been married a year now. She has 2 kids from a previous relationship. The sex was great at first-but the minute I said I do, that ended. She must have been sexual before, right? Even our WEDDING night, she only did it out of ritual. All she wanted to do was open the cards and count $. I'm 25, she's 26. The kids were from 2 previous relationships with abusive guys-like pushing 30 years old when she was 18 with the first one. I guess she used to be into dope and have crazy sex with them. I'm the guy working my *** off now, raising the kids, and she would rather leave the room and let me masturbate then have sex with me. I kinda got the raw end of the deal, right? I mean, I'm only 25!!!! Other then sex, I really don't think she cares about me. She yells, calls me horrible names, and every couple days or so-she apologizes. Probably a result of shitty relationships. I know that she isn't cheating. What in hell should I do?

Also-she is depressed all the time, we tried counseling together(she was a totally refined version in the office) she tells me I don't make enough $, etc. I make way more then her-and even got an etra job. I have kinda pulled away from the kids, and her. I can't walk into a room without getting nagged or put down. She is going to see a doc about anti-depressants today, but I think that its much deeper. She accuses me of cheating and gets enraged-even though I don't. She looks through my phone. I guess I look at the sex because its the only benefit I get from this situation anymore, and even that is gone. My self-esteem has suffered. I feel guilty spending 5 bucks. We barely speak, and when we do-she wants to fight. She won't have a normal productive talk with me to try to resolve this. Every now and then, I see hope that it will get better, but it lasts less then a day.

Answer 1

You are a victim of classic abuse. This is common behavior of a borderline personality disorder. I am sorry to say this is very common and hard to treat. These people think that they don't need to change. Following are some pointers. Read about these two disorders more. Find out what you are dealing with. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
Here is a quick reality-check list to recognize emotional abuse:
•Being constantly put down
•Being constantly criticized, humiliated, and blamed
•Partner plays mind games with you, to the point where you wonder about your own sanity
•With holding sex
•Critices your decisions
•Feeling like a outsider in your own home
• Being told what to do
•Telling you that you aren't a good provider
•Being controlled through intimidation, looks, gestures or actions
•Being controlled through the children; being made to feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages
•Being controlled through isolation, and scrutinized of your outside involvement
•Having to report what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read and where you
•Being controlled through minimizing, denying and blaming
•Partner makes light of the abuse, doesn't take your concerns seriously, denies that the abuse happened, and shifts the responsibility for the abusive behavior to you, saying that 'you caused it'.

Answer 2

Wow, I wish I found a man like you as a hubby! You are loaded in your pants and in your money situation enough. I am in sexless relationship with poor boy! Well, I respected you so much because you stayed so true to her and really tried. If it is true, and not just you saying to get our sympathies, that she doesn't do her wife duties because she knows it "Cheaper to keep her" and also used you to get cosmetic surgery...I think you need to sit her down and tell her, you don't plan to divorce her but you're not going to stay in a sexless marriage. Tell her somethings are going to change and you're not sure she's going to like it. Tell her you are not looking for a band-aid and then for her to go back to her ways. If she just doesn't want sex regularly, be up front. Tell her to consider some counseling. My guess is she won't do much to improve the situation or it won't last long. I know you think you've tried to communicate this, but maybe you need to do it and be blunt! Maybe she thinks you are ok with not having sex and will go on like this for the rest of your lives, despite your nagging to her time to time. On the other hand, does she have a lover? She might already have beat you to the punch. You got money, can't you hire a PI to tap her phones and net (keylogger) and tail her *** for a week? Maybe then you won't have to pay much for a divorce you can get an annulment if she's cheating. Something doesn't add up, why she want cosmetic surgery to just stay home and look pretty? Even if a guy can make you ooze, sometimes a girl gets bored and wants to try others. After all, you are all she knows, its been many years, and the honeymoon is over but you got dough and you are tolerant of her ways. Well, after all is said and done, maybe the easiest thing is to just get some extracurricular services to make up for the wife. Hope you don't get an STD, as condoms can't protect from hpv/herpes 100%. I have friends who worked in the biz and most have something or other. My male friend said girl had no symptoms but you can't see microscopic lesions and some only break out once but can still spread. I hope you get a trial separation from wife (if not an annulment) and find a long-term girlfriend, make it clear!

Answer 3

If she has had crappy relationships, you are the one that is having to pay for unfortunately. My only suggestion is for the both of you to go to counselling to get things out on the table. Maybe there is something you are not seeing and vise versa on her part. Otherwise, this does look to have a good ending. Hang in there and GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 4

I am so sorry. I can't give you a solution other than speaking to a marriage counselor. There has to be a reason behind this change in behavior, and if you don't know what it is, I certainly don't either.

Just don't let it get to the point that you sleep in separate rooms or anything like that. Trust me, it happens.

Answer 5

She may not mean the names she calls you, some people say things that they don't mean (which is a bad trait, but hard to tame).

The sex though, that sucks... Sex eventually takes a back seat in a marriage, but it shouldn't be that soon or that bad!! You could swallow your pride and try to spice things up, make her feel wanted and be romantic.... maybe she got bored with the same ol thing.

Answer 6

Counseling, and when that fails, see a lawyer. Next time, consider the quality of the human being you are marrying. If you knew all that stuff, what in the world made you think she would be different?

Answer 7

I think you should be mature and deal with this issue: "Other then sex, I really don't think she cares about me. She yells, calls me horrible names, and every couple days or so-she apologizes." before even worrying about the sex.
Infrequent sex is not what you want, but the latter is more cause for concern. Be mature and realize that.

Answer 8

You got the crappy end there. Romance her. Do not push her into sex, with her mantal stability she will have it and then feel bad about herself. Work with her talk to her. Ask her why? If you are married do not be ashamed of your sex life with your wife.

Answer 9

Was she sexual before the marriage more then now? , and her past relationship's could explain her treating you like dirt but I doubt it has to do with her sex drive.

Answer 10

be patient with her. if you want her to have sex with you, then make her feel that she has all the time she wants, make her feel there is no pressure on her, otherwise, sex will become like a routine job that she must do.