Rhys's mother has blamed the mother of the child who shot her son?

Question

Is it that simple? Do some good mothers just have bad children or is all down to parenting?

Answer 1

As much as I think bad parenting is to blame for much of what goes on in the UK today, I also think peer pressure, video games and TV have a lot to answer for.

Kids are constantly trying to outdo and impress each other and will go to great lengths to do so. Shooting people is also glorified in computer games and television, making it almost seem normal!!!

The parents are mostly to blame though, but there are other factors involved. Rhys' mother is looking to blame someone as no-one has been caught and charged for the murder of her son, she is bound to want to lash out at someone. i would feel the same.

Let's just hope they catch him and put him away for life.

Luke N has made a really good point. My brother and I were brought up exactly the same way, mostly by my very strict Mother as my Father worked away for most of our childhood. I was a model (well almost!) child whereas my brother was always in trouble due to the people he was hanging around with - peer pressure.

Answer 2

Of course bad parenting and how you teach a child what is right and wrong is a cause of kids going off the rails.

But theres a lot more to it than that. Those parents were probably raised pretty poorly themselves. Thats not an excuse, but its something we need to look at for the future.

Schools need more power to discipline kids. Not just exclude and pass them onto the next poor school.

Police and the judicial system need more power to punish not only the Parents of these unruly kids, but the kids themselves.
These kids don't care if someone else (ie parents) take the blame. Bring back Borstels, and make them truly unpleasant places to be!

And remember that there are plenty of genuinely good parents whose kids turn bad, whether due to peer pressure (getting in with the wrong crowd), drugs or whatever.

Society needs to change. Without wanting to sound too much like a fascist, I sometimes think we have a few too many human rights for our own good nowdays.

Answer 3

its all down to parenting if the child learns right and wrong and respect from a young age then nothing will change that. i was brought up in a bad area and my mum taught me right from wrong and to respect people and now i have a respectable job as a microbiologist and i live with a my girlfriend that i have been with for 4 years and im only 21 so if you are brought up correctly then you turn out ok. its the shitty little kids now that think they are bigger and better than everyone else that are the problem i was started on by a group of kids around 15 or 16 and i grabbed the leader of them and the rest of them ran off i took him home to a father that wanted to beat me up just as much as him and a drunk mother who just gave me abuse so yes it is all the parents fault so responsibility for kids actions has to be drilled into these kids at a young age to stop them going down the wrong path. i know that when im a dad no matter what i will not allow my children to walk around the street drinking and abusing people because the outcome for them would be that they have to deal with me which should be enough to put any child off they should have respect for their parents and do what they are asked until they are old enough to make their own choices.

Answer 4

I dont think its the way they are brought up in some cases! But I think that once they are that bit older the parents should still always know where they are at all times! To the age of 17/18! It may seem drastic but when you look at the violence these days between kids it seems sensible! Sometimes kids get in with bad crowds! Sometimes kids make lifetime choices because they are bored! Society in a sense are to blame! Its a fact that kids get bored! They need more clubs etc to keep them off the streets! The police need to have more control!
There are many to blame! No one person!

Answer 5

It is a fact that some parents do not know how to raise children correctly and just let them run wild, and when these kids get into trouble the parents are not willing to take responsibility. But that is not all parents of unruly children, my eldest daughter who is 21 now, went through a faze when she was a absolute horror, she was drinking, fighting, breaking peoples windows, doing anything she could to hurt me including telling the police and the neighbourhood i beat her up (thankfully they knew that to be untrue). I like to believe i am a responsible parent, i have always done my utmost to raise my children to have respect for themselves and others, but this did not prevent my daughter from being a complete git for about 2 years, many people suggested it was the type of people she was hanging around with that influenced her, and in a way i know this is true, but they did not force her to do any of the things she did, she went into the whole situation with her eyes open knowing it was wrong. I am not what i consider a bad parent, i have never defended my daughters hurtful actions, as her parent i took responsibility for her actions and when i could i tried to make things right (paying for windows and covering the cost of any damage she caused) i spent a whole 2 years appologising for her actions. i was very lucky that i was well known in the neighbourhood and had the support of my neighbours, i did not condone anything my daughter did and as a result of my experience i am 50/50 as to wether parents are 100% to blaim for their childrens actions. Although i will say that YES some parents do not care enough about what their children are up too. I hope this doesn't sound to contradicting, it is hard to explain in writing the feelings i have as a caring parent who has had a none to caring child. As a foot note she is now 21 and totally ashamed of her actions x x

Answer 6

Bad blood...believe me. My sister-in-law was a good parent to her son who at the age of 18 acquired a shot gun and turned it on his mother. Lucky enough she was not badly hurt but she could have been killed.

Later she discovered much to her dismay that on her husbands side of the family.... way back that some of males had been armed robbers and thugs. So like I said Bad blood.

However, I personally believe that is it all down to nuture vs nature. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

I'm glad Rhys's mother has spoken out like this and hopefully it will hit home with some of these parents who think it is alright for their children to run amok and to spoil them rotten.

Answer 7

I don't think one can blame his parents unless one knows they have set a bad example. I know of folks who upright & model parents & yet their son has turned out awful while a boy from a terrible background is as decent as can be.

I have no answer to this one except that Rhys' Mum has every right to blame whoever she chooses at this point given her state of mind & heart.

Also, read of a similar case (kidnap & murder of a teenager) where the parents of the abductor (17year old) immediately sensed something wrong, got him to confess to them & prompty handed him over to the police. And these parents are poor & illiterate. The mother was the abductor was grieving as much as the mother of the victim.

Answer 8

I think the parents are to blame and i agree with what other posts have said, in my youth (and i am 26 so it wasnt that long ago) BUT my parents were allowed to give us a slap when we needed it. My friend has a son who is a real nightmare and she has tried so hard with him. If you met her with her other kids you would say there were the ideal family, but her other son for whatever reason is hell bent on getting into trouble. She has been in touch with every agency going and asked for help. She has done parenting classes, she has been in touch with teachers, doctors, school nurses, the mental health authority for kids, everyone she can think of. One day she hit him (just a slap) and the teachers informed social services and she was reported. They came and investiagted and she told them what was happening with her son. They promised they would try and help her with difrrent agencys to get things sorted. Nothing happened. She is still chasing it up now nearly 10 months later. What is she supposed to do?

Answer 9

I don't think any child is 'bad',if a child does something like killling another,then I believe it's something to do with the way they were brought up and parenting,or the lack of something like discipline,as the child might have been to a degree allowed to do what they like without some sort of rules.

The parents of the child who killed Rhys (if they know) can't sit back and say it's all the child's fault because they didn't raise themselves so something somehow through parenting must have lead to this.

Answer 10

I totally agree 100% - sometimes there are freaks of nature who, despite having good parents they turn out bad but I think this is rare - I have worked with young people for many years in this country and in Asia and I can say there is a BLATANT distinction between Western and Asian children and the biggest reason as far as I can see is that in Asia they have strong family and work ethics and the whole family brings the child up and encourages them to succeed. Over here people pop out kids like there's no tomorrow and it's always the chavs who swear and scream at their kids and drag them up that you know for a fact are going to turn out to be exactly like their parents - absolutely no respect for anyone or anything.
This is my view from personal and professional experience.