Why does my friend think she's the only one who wants a husband?

Question

My friend describes me as a 'true' friend, which I have to agree. I don't describe her as one though, I'm afraid. She keeps going on about not having a husband and how much she wants sex. I'm 1½ years older than her and I too would love a husband, but I 'restrain' myself from boring/harping on about it to people. I don't believe it's fair. Anyway, each time she rings me she says the same thing over and over. Now and again I say that I'm in exactly the same situation as her, but it doesn't seem to make any difference - it all goes back to her again. She moans about how long she's been living in her flat (19 years) and how nothing changes for her. I reply, "Well, look at me, I've been in the same home for 36 and nothing's changed for me either!" Still nothing changes her thinking. What would you do with someone like that? She's got 2 strapping brothers and I have none but one parent. I even told her to be grateful for her brothers in a letter, but nothing changes her thinking

She doesn't even have a job and she expects a man to keep her.

Answer 1

Yr loyalty is misplaced. Move on and develop other friendships that value u as well. Real friendship has to be a two way process.

Answer 2

Wow, and you call yourself her friend! You are being totally insensitive to her feelings. Just because you are in the same boat as her doesn't mean it hurts as much for you as it does for her. This is obviously a big deal to her so rather than tell her why she should be happy why don't you just be honest and say that you don't know what to say and suggest she talks to a counsellor who will be qualified to help without JUDGING her.

You are not actually being a true friend at all. All you are doing is trying to make your own situation sound worse: And I quote:

"Well, look at me, I've been in the same home for 36 and nothings changed for me either!"

That's not actually helping her which is likely why she is on about it so much as she feels she is trying to make you understand and she feels that she is not getting through and being understood. This isn't about you right now its about her and if you feel you can't listen anymore then be honest and tell her that.

Answer 3

Next time she starts doing her "poor Me" act, just say something like this: "You know we have been over and over this for years now. I think that it is time we start finding other things to do and to talk about." and change the subject. Try to get her to join a book club, a poetry bclub, a card club, or take some non credit course at the local community college, just to have something to do. Instead of doing all of that talking, get out there and find someone! BTW there are usually singles clubs in most communities too!

Answer 4

Well...since she doesn't seem to be considerate to your feelings, you are right in feeling she is not being a true friend to you. Maybe you should spend a little less time on the phone listening to her complaining and a little more time out there getting to know people then--who knows--maybe you will meet someone. As long as the two of you are on the phone complaining/listening to complaining, you aren't out there to find Mr. Hottie/Right...your pick...

Answer 5

She is not your friend. You are her complaint department. You will never change her thinking. You could come right out and tell her exactly what you think. If she doesn't want to be your friend after you give her a heads up then at least you don't have to listen to the whining anymore!

Answer 6

just give her some space ~
she's being self centered and should be ignored until she can come around and be more in tune with your emotions as well#
if she wants a husband she should be more proactive ~ join a few agencies and clubs and widen her circle of friends and activities~
this will stop her from being so focused on her needs

Answer 7

She has tunnel vision.

Answer 8

what a friend she is get one before her!!!

Answer 9

She is just horny