im 16 years old and i know thats too young to think about this stuff but i have a reason. my parents are divorced. they DO NOT get along. i found out today (while on vacation) that my dad cheated on my mom for YEARS. he is now married again and so is she. when the divorced i made a vow to myself that it would NEVER happen to me. i wont let it. but today when i learned that i felt like crap. im scared to get married now. i dont want my kids to go through the HELL i've been going through. NO!! i feel like it would be my luck for that to happen to me, because girls tend to go for guys who remind them of their fathers...=( i dont want that! but i always do.... =/ is it normal to be scared like this? i mean...like REALLY scared. if someone were to propose to me all this would flood my head and i would cry soo hard. please tell me if that is normal....
2007-08-27 18:53:33 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How old were you when your parents were divorced and what do you remember of it? It sounds like you have allot of insecurities that came from circumstances beyond your control. Don't worry it is normal and you can get help, you should first start with your school counselor and see if they can help, if nothing else they might be able to give you the resources you need to get started. Good Luck!
2007-08-27 19:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by John H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mother and father went though a divorced so i know how it feels. but i wouldn't worry to much about yourself its all what u make it. i mean if it happen to your mom and dad doesn't mean it will happen to u too. I'm married and have two kids i been with my hubby for 12 years now and we are doing great. I know other people that have been together for 30 years or more and thats my sis and her hubby . I wouldn't worry about it you should do fine . When they say remind them of there fathers it could be face build anything and not the way they act. I wish u good luck when u get old enough and find a man u like and when u do take it slow and easy and everything should be fine.
2007-08-27 19:08:59 · answer #2 · answered by sweetchickytea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all as a girl (a girl had the same ideas with you about marriage) I married to a man completely different from my father. So it does not mean that all girls in the world will end up with a guy like their fathers. Maybe your experiences will be more helpful than you thought if you get married. So you will be more careful not to repeat your parents' mistakes in your life. Use these experiences as good tools to improve your own life and never step back from life because you're afraid to live it. To get worried and scared only tide our hands and prevent us from doing great jobs. So be a little brave and do not try to think too hard on your future long term relationships since you have not had one of them yet.
Best luck
2007-08-27 19:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fear is good in the sense that you will take this seriously. Marriage is a serious decision. And sadly, people break their vows as easy as they say "I do".
I'm from a divorced home too. My parents divorced when I was 7. Now I am 40 and been married to the same man for 18 yrs. and we have 5 beautiful daughters together.
I, too, made up my mind that I wasn't going to put my kids in that horrible situation either, unless there was abuse, unfaithfulness, drugs, etc....
I married a man with the same morals as me. We're christians, go to church, and we guard our marriage. It hasn't been an easy road though, but we stick to our vows and thats marriage.
Don't let your fears paralize you and rob you of happiness, instead, let it guide you and make you think before you jump. Okay? okay.
2007-08-27 19:05:22 · answer #4 · answered by ellen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's truly any matter of normal vs. abnormal. And by your own statement, you are in fact only 16. You acknowledge that you are not ready for marriage. Wait until you finish school and feel you are more prepared to arrive at a more certain answer of the matter. I would suggest trying to put aside this fear, but if you can't ask your mother if you can see a therapist, or approach your school counselor. Some schools sometimes have therapists on hand for certain matters.
Good luck. And remember that others have experienced broken homes too, divorced parents and more. You might even locate a local support group comprised of offspring from dysfunctional or broken families. I truly hope you can overcome the fear, for fear itself a terrible reason to feel compelled to avoid sharing life and love with another.
2007-08-27 19:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by Blah Blah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes it is very normal to feel like that. My parents too are divorced and my dad has been married 4 times after my mother. and it took me a very long time before i got over the feeling of being scaired to marry. But as you grow older you will grow out of your feelings. but there is one thing you can do to help make sure it will not happen you you what your dad did to your mother is when you are seeing someone you have got to be honest, and trusting, and be loyal, and you cant go wrong. And yes it is true that girls go for the type of guys that remind them of there fathers, but you can change that if you want to, just think of the kind of guy you want to be with and then seek him out, then you will know if he is the one who makes you happy or not. hope this helps
2007-08-27 19:04:06 · answer #6 · answered by texasboy3200 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened between your parents do not have to happen to you. At 16, you have seen what cheating can do to a marriage. You don't have to be afraid. These things happen.
Now that both your dad and mom has remarried, I hope they are happy. You must love both of them a lot, that is why you were disappointed when they got divorced.
Don't feel bad, if they are happy now, you should be too.
2007-08-27 19:04:10 · answer #7 · answered by Nora C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's totally normal. I don't know any kid from a divorced family that doesn't have some doubts and worries.
The advantage you have is you are aware of all this stuff. When you get serious with a guy, you'll know you have to ask yourself some hard questions.
At that point, I would recommend pre-wedding counseling. Helped my hubby and I very much.
2007-08-27 19:01:15 · answer #8 · answered by Tina K 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are smart, you will just take your time before commiting to a relationship or deciding to get married. Tell this guy that you do not want to have children until you are both financially and emotionally stable in your marriage. That way you can prevent bringing children into a divorce situation. Usually at least 5 years is good. By then you should be ready to have children. In the meantime, do not have unprotected sex!!!
2007-08-27 18:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sweetie, you are way to young to be worried about this. You have a lot of life to live first. But just remember that you are not your parents. You have your own wishes, ways of doing things and reactions to things. Also, you don't always marry someone like your father. My hubby (married 19 years today, August 27) is NOTHING like my father. Just remeber to have open and honest communication and everything will be fine.
2007-08-27 18:58:47 · answer #10 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋