Is marriage really THAT difficult?

Question

All I ever hear are terrible things about it and now my mother and father's marriage is going down the drain. Is it really THAT hard? If so, why?

Answer 1

Well i learned in my relationship that as with most things in life, if its there everyday, such as turning the water faucet, flipping the light switch and a million other things you do all the time that we end up taking for granted, well that happened in my marrige where we just lost sight of whats important and inevitably ended up taking each other for granted. See its hard to stop it cause it takes time. The succesfull marriges are people who can work out any situation TOGETHER. Another reason is alot of people get into marrige too lightly and don't really consider that it is a lifelong commitment, and full of compromises and selflessness. Also people change for whatever reason and sometimes that change can drive them away from their spouse. And then there are the cowards: Cheaters, liars, and abusers ( both mentally and physically) that may not show their true colors until after marrige. Anyway thats just some of my own personal experience. I don't know if thats hepls you or not, but its something i learned not too long ago, so hopefully its helps some.

Answer 2

You hear "opposites attract", but hten you hear that the key to a successful marriage is compatibility. So which is it? It's both:
Two people need to have their strengths in common, but be oppisites in their weaknesses. A couple who shares their weaknesses is bound for disaster. If a man is a big spender and the woman is a shopaholic too, this marriage is not going to work. But if they both are athletic, they can find themselves enjoying this common denominator.
Also, there are a few deal breakers in a marriage that if committed by either party can end it without a big surprise:
1) Infidility
2) An addiction (alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, gambling, porn addiction, etc)
3) A lack of respect. Good manners go a long way in keeping things on a civil level until they're worked out. This one needs to be met by both people.
People who marry for the wrong reasons are taking a huge risk, but if you marry your friend, one whom you've gotten to know and truly love, you'll be fine.

Answer 3

Sad sign of the times. Modern times dictate way too much instant gratification opportunities for upcoming youth which tends to omit the lesson that most things in life worth having have to be worked and sacrificed for. The minute something isnt completly exciting and perfectly everything they dreamed, they're ready to move to the next person which can become an endless cycle until hopefully a person realizes they had what they wanted to begin with.

Answer 4

I've never been married myself (yet) but it seems like general knowledge that marriage is definitely a challenging, yet rewarding at the same time expirience.
It takes a lot of sacrifice from both partners. There is a lot of responsibilities ranging from finances to kids. I think things like this can cause stress and simply makes life a little more difficult.
I know of many great marriages that have 'survived' for many many years. I think it's all about the people and how they learn to cope with the rough spots.

Answer 5

It can be tricky, walking a fine line between being there for the other person and being too demanding. Actually marriage is a wonderful thing when two people have the same goals, aspirations, and values. I carelessly killed mine by not giving my husband enough praise and recognition so the next time around I did better and we had a great 5 years before he died. If I've ever lucky enough to get another chance, I'll do it again.

Answer 6

I am sorry you are going through that with your parents. Will they seek counseling? That could really help if they are both willing, and have minds that are open to learning and changing.

With all the stresses today, it is even more necessary to marry someone that you can really talk to and who can be trusted. It is too easy to just throw something away, knowing that you can get another one for cheap. Taking the time to learn a better way just isn't in the cards for a lot of people. It's, "I can't take this anymore, I'm OUT," they quit the marriage, destroy the family, but they are free. Sorry kids! Daddy doesn't want to be a father anymore...

Of course, there is always that message that it's OK to get a divorce - god isn't really going to do anything to me, anyway.

I like partnerships much better. Stick an LLC tag on my next one!

Answer 7

Marriage is work, its give and take, and when 2 people love each other, it can be the hardest job and the greatest reward at the same time. It tests relationships and it makes them stronger, and when 2 people get married and are totally commit ed to each other, then no matter what comes their way, they can work it out. Its not all smiles and sunshine, but the good time outweigh the bad without breaking a sweat, and every once of effort and love given to make your partner happy is well spent when you see them smile because they know they have truly found their one true love in the other.

Answer 8

I can be VERY difficult at times. You must have great times together to keep the marriage going too. You have some of the hardest times together, but share the great moment as well.
Sorry to hear about your parents, it's even more difficult when kids are involved!

Answer 9

I don't consider my marriage hard at all, yes, it takes work but it shouldn't be a task. I love my husband and I'm happy to make him happy and he feels the same about me. I'm not saying that we don't fight, but when we do fight it's always with the understanding that we will make up...because we are married and that's what married people do.
I take my husbands feelings into consideration with every move I make, it's not hard, I know what he likes and what he doesn't like. Sometimes I make sacrifices to make him happy, but it's nothing that he wouldn't do for me also.
It's not hard if you are in love and know that the person you are married to is the one you want to be with forever...when that's true then you are willing to do the work.

Answer 10

It's a bit difficult because you've lived your life alone for a while. Once being married you need to compromise.. after a while you begin to want small different things in life.. it's hard but both parties have to work 100% equally the same. Best wishes.