seven year old Abused Granddaughter behavior problems. how to help her?

Question

Has been in counseling for a year. Mother died two years ago father in prison. Her five year sister and she have come to live with me. She doesn't want anyone to tell her what to do, she thinks she can act like a teenager, throws really big fits if she doesn't get her way over the smallest things. I am going with her to counseling but she doesn't act up while we are there. I understand she has lost a lot for some one as young as her, Mother, father, her home and life as she knew it. Even if it was a bad life thats all she knew. The counselor's tell me to not be easy on her to make her responsible for her action. that it's alright to get mad and not stay calm when she get out of control. I don't think that if I am not calm it would only make her worst. If I get mad how can that help her ? Doesn't like to cry would rather yell. wants to keep all the anger and hurt inside. Says only babies cry. I tell her how much i love her and her sister and how glad I am that they are with me.

Answer 1

The best thing you can do is to research every thing you can in order to help your granddaughter. You probably already have, since you are posting here.

Here is a site I found. You need to have the counselor work with you and your granddaughter on specific area's. Anger being the #1 priority.

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Early school age children: 6-9 years old

Children this age have the vocabulary and ability to comprehend simple concepts relating to germs and disease. There is still a fascination with concrete details as a way to organize information. When asked what happens when someone dies, a 6-year-old replied, "like a special car comes and it picks them up.a special sort of station wagon what has no back seat on it." 2 They have a sense of the importance of, and contributing factors to, personal health and safety. Yet their emotions and understanding can be incongruent. Therefore we see their less sophisticated beliefs such as in the power of their own thoughts to cause bad things to happen. They also personify death, thinking that a "boogey man" can snatch people away. They are most likely to display:

anger
denial
irritability
self-blame
fluctuating moods
withdrawal
earlier behaviors
school problems such as avoidance, academic difficulty, lack of concentration

Read more.....
http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/grief.html

If you feel you are not making progress with your current counselor. If I was you I would be looking for another one.

I do have to agree with the counselor.. You need to be firm with her. I know she has been thru a lot. She is longing for and asking for Parental guidance. Once she is able to let her guard (anger) down she will be able to grieve her loss and cry.. She needs to cry.....Before the healing begins..

Good luck, faith (Mother and Grandmother)
~Grandmothers are just antique little girls~

Answer 2

Congratulations on being a GrandMother!! I am a Grandmoher, too...I have 8 beautiful grandchildren...What a Blessing! This poor child has been through more hell than most adults can handle...YOU have to build a Foundation in her life...What is the foundation going to be...You have to decide...Is it fear, or anger, or Love an trust...This is your home and you must love her and appreciate her and lots and lots of hugs...I almost sense apprenciation in your note..are you afraid? God gave you this family...your assignment is to be a good example..a loving provider...and a constant listener and I can remind you that your task will not be easy...Lay the Foundation in this child's life.....Bless