What would you consider about whether someone is having an affair or not?

Question

Is an "affair" necessarily constitute cheating on one's spouse? Is it considered an affair if no intercourse occurred? How long does an association have to be before it is considered an "affair"?

Answer 1

I would say that any aspect of a relationship that you hide from your partner is an affair.

Answer 2

Don,
I would say an affair occurs more often than most people realize. It can start innocently over small talk and idle conversation at the office (which is all fine and above board) and then progress into the not-so-innocent realm easily if you start flirting and doing things purposely without your spouse's knowledge or approval.

Any "physical" cheating that occurs is clearly out-of-bounds. But would argue that "emotional" cheating occurs more often today because of the Internet and the ease of doing so (the opportunity is there, so why not) under the guise that no one will get hurt.

Unfortunately, people do get hurt, and marriages can end up shattered and broken up over this type of emotional cheating nearly as easily as the physical cheating. Take for instance, an example of a spouse who plays online games and engages in flirtatious chat before, during, & after game times. If the other spouse knows about it and approves, then it's no big deal. However, as soon as the game-playing spouse conceals what they're doing from their husband/wife -- and knows they would never approve of their action -- then they've stepped over the line. Perhpas they've chatted online and hooked up the cam and performed a little peep show for their paramour. Take this another way: If you do it, and you know your spouse wouldn't approve of you doing it, but you do it anyway & try to conceal it from them ... then you are basically "cheating."

Answer 3

This is a depressing subject. I say that an affair starts in the "heart". If two people get together and have a deep attraction and an interesting magnetic pull to each other....well that constitutes an affair. If there are secrets, and guilt even over the little things, then the mind knows and understands that this is something they are not supposed to be feeling. Sex and love or conquest and excitement are the external factors of an affair.

Answer 4

An affair can just be an emotional attachment to someone without having intercourse. It is still considered an affair. Or something hidden from the spouse that you are doing with the opposite sex. It could be as simple as having just an internet relationship miles apart. It is still considered an affair. Sounds like your thinking about having one!

Answer 5

First, I would consider whether it was any of my business. If the answer was "no," I wouldn't need to go any further. If the answer was "yes," then I suppose it would depend on how old the person was, what they had agreed upon, etc. For example, a friend told me she got madly jealous because her man tried to get another woman into bed, even though he did not succeed. I suppose the intention was as bad as the deed. Many people would not call it an "affair," as such, if it was a one-night stand. They might call it something he needs to apologize for without calling it an affair. I would only call it an affair myself if it was getting serious enough that there was a risk of breaking up the marriage (or marriage-like relationship).

Answer 6

i think that an 'emotional' affair is just as hurtful as the actual act of betrayal.. they produce the same result of destroying trust and hurting someone. i might be a matter of degrees but not in my mind as the relationship is damaged by any type of affair. every affair has to starts with the first step...

Answer 7

you can have an emotional affair on your spouse. Anytime someone else is receiving your love or fulfilling emotional needs other than your spouse and you are willingly letting it happen then it is an affair.