out with another lady friend, apparently they had been mutual friends for many years.Now he wants my wife and I to go to a luncheon party, but we do not feel comfortable with the haste with which he has proceeded.Are we being mean minded or should we just accept that their happiness is the important thing.He is 81 and she is 77.
2007-08-27 10:32:35 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
A wise person once told me that when someone has had a good marriage they are much faster to take up with someone else after their partner dies because there is such a void in their lives.
Your brother is probably very lonely. It is possible to have a mutual friend and be attracted to the person and NOT act upon it. This woman shares his memories of his wife, they have similar values and beliefs or they wouldnt have been friends.
If your brothers wife also had this woman as a friend I am sure she would not object to them being there to support each other in their loss.
He is 81 years old, give him your blessing and wish them well. He is lonely, going home to an empty house after the loss of a loved one who has been with your for so many years is very very hard. Poor man.
What can you possibly gain by not accepting this woman? I am sure his wife who passed away would be sad to think you are making things harder for him.
An elderly friend of mine did the same thing and at first I was appalled but when I got to know his new lady I could see how much she loved and respected his previous wife.
2007-08-27 13:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by isotope2007 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Naturally you feel uncomfortable about going to this luncheon party, but have you thought that his lady companion probably feels the same.
Life is too short to hold such thoughts so why not go and make the best of things. After all your brother is 81 and his friend 77 and both deserve not to be lonely and without friends for the remainder of their days.
You can still have you own thoughts and reservations but do not become mean minded as you never know what lies ahead for you as god forbid it could be you in the same situation one day.
It does not mean that your brother has wiped all those years with his wife away and in one way it is a complement to her that he seeks female company once more.
Theirs must have been a happy marriage and I'm sure your late sister-in-law would approve of this harmless friendship.
Losing someone dear is the loneliest thing ever believe me
2007-08-27 10:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good grief! He's 81 -- how long do you want him to wait? How much longer do you think he has? Look at it another way - your brother and his wife had 52 wonderful years together. It must have been a happy marriage or he would not be looking for another woman to share his life. If he and his lady friend can make each other happy, then blessings on them. He's grieved for a year already - it's time to get on with his life and time for you and your husband to stop being such nit-pickers. A year is more than enough at any stage of life, and at his stage of life is an extremely long period of time. You should not only go to a luncheon party, you should take them out and treat them.
2007-08-27 16:01:30 · answer #3 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is horrible. I'm so sorry!! My advice though it seems harsh, is to have him admitted into a treatment center. Unfortunately grief is not something that can be controlled with medication alone. And from the way it sounds this is something far too emotional for him to handle on his own. As much as he loves his family and you love him, I don't think theres anything that you and your other family members will be able to do for him other than watch him. And that's not going to help him heal. At this stage he needs round the clock monitoring and grief counseling. I would definitely look into inpatient psych facility. In most cases you can take him to the hospital er and they can watch him until they can transfer him into a facility where he can get the professional help he needs. If that is not a suitable option for you, then being there for him and being with him to keep him from hurting himself is good. And then when he's ready he will open up to someone and you can help him voice his pain and then possibly come to terms with what happened. I hope the best for your brother and the whole family.
2016-05-19 04:11:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're reading too much into this. The father of a friend of mine took up with a lady friend after his wife of 50 years died. This must be at least 5 years ago and they haven't run away to Gretna Green or married or even moved in together. They just enjoy one another's company and also their independence. I would say don't worry too much and go to the luncheon and see what happens.
Maybe his late wife told him to go out and have fun after she was gone?
2007-08-27 10:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Sue C 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being mean minded.They are both looking for COMPANIONSHIP.What do you want him or for that matter her do just lock themselves away and wait to die.He has just lost probably the most precious thing he ever had and at that age companionship is more important than anything .Someone to TALK to.You make it sound as though his wife died and he just jumped into bed with the first thing that came along.I hope you remember asking this when and if you get put in the same position and see how you feel.
2007-08-27 11:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by AFDEE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister in law has been gone a year. It is very hard for people half your brother's age to find a decent companion or spouse these days, so at their age, they are very lucky. The age difference is appropriate (I'd worry if she was 30 yrs younger) Be glad your brother is not alone. Many people married that long who lose a spouse often follow in death soon after due to grief and loneliness. Give the woman a chance. If she is a nice person, then be happy for them.
2007-08-27 10:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I met my partner four months after his wife had died.I did not know immediately, but when I did ,I was concerned about weather his friends and family may think that I "knew" him before hand, this not being the case. It has all worked out in the end. statistics have shown that men do look for partners soon after their wifes die. This is no reflection on the wife, but it means that the men were lonely and enjoyed being with a woman. this is in a way a complement to the desceased wife
2007-08-27 14:57:28 · answer #8 · answered by Yoda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
No matter how much it may bother you, just please accept it. Be lucky that he was even able to find a new companion at such a late time in his life. Just because his former wife is gone, doesn't mean he has to stop living his own life.
My dad died when my mother was only 54 years old. She was too young to never love again. She eventually met a new man in her life, and of course, you automatically feel the need not to accept this person into your life, but I began to notice how he made her happy, and soon I became acceptable of him, because at least she was smiling again.
Altogether, if it makes him happy, it should make you happy. He loved and spent his life with his wife for 52 years - be happy they were able to have that long of time together.
At least he's not drowning in his own sorrows without her.
2007-08-27 10:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ready to Go Home! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think at their age they probably feel that every day counts, you say they have known each other for many years and they are of the same generation. If they are happy together, then, yes, surely that is important.
I can understand how you and your wife feel, but can also understand how your brother and his lady friend feel. Perhaps he and his late wife had a mutual understanding not to be lonely.
2007-08-27 22:37:44 · answer #10 · answered by RustySilva 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋