Loose & Slutty?

Question

I see a lot of posts about lost morals, slutty women, dress codes etc. I mostly see men trashing women for the way they choose to dress or how many men/women they choose to sleep with. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of other women using the same standards in evaluating their own kind and gaining a sense of superiority through having better "respect" for themselves or "morals."

Can someone explain to me why and how a woman's personal choices affect them? Whether one chooses to wear red lipstick, short skirt, sleeping around with whatever man she chooses or she chooses to not wear makeup and sleep with other women?

My personal opinion is that people's sense of inferiority will always look for things in others to judge, but women have shown more vulnerability regarding their sexuality & appearance, so those are the first things attacked.

Thanks!

luisamapacha: Since other women's dress code that "our" daughters see on the street affects their upbringing, and ALL women should be responsible role models (even if they chose not to have kids), is a woman's sexuality or dress code the most imporant one we need to make sure we control? And exactly how big is this village we're talking about? Are we talking about the zip code, area code, country code? Thanks!

Should we extend this village to other countries and cultures, hence making sure everybody wears the same uniform for "our" children?

Answer 1

My personal opinion is that people - men AND women - have this weird entitlement issue when it comes to women's lives and bodies. This can be extended to everything else that anti-feminists say - for example, the argument about single moms and women working and blah blah - at the basis of their argument is the assumption that women are available for control; that their lives can be questioned and adjusted for some so-called benefit to men and children.

Back to your point about "s!uts," I truly, truly believe that some men and/or society feel that if they can control who a woman sleeps with and attach some sort of "virtue" or moral gatekeeping status on her, that the end result will be that women have no one to compare the man to. And we all know how much being "good in bed" and having a bick c0ck are incredibly important to patriarchal definitions of masculinity.

Then, of course, there is the whole Madonna/wh0re complex, which is rooted in misogyny.

As for women, I think maybe women are threatened by sexually promiscuous women because they think those women make it easier for their husbands/boyfriends to cheat on them.

EDIT: To continue with my above point, there was this great quote in a (fiction, non-political) book I read recently: "Like the hands of a compass pointing north, a person's blame will always find its way to a woman." So, so, so true.

Answer 2

I think a lot of men are secretly attracted to women who are "loose." But they are told by religion, society, their family, whatever, that those women are immoral and undesirable. They tell people they hate those women because they are desperate to prove to people that they're not attracted to them.
But I'm not a psychologist or anything...

I agree with your point that women engage in this too. I don't have as much to offer as an explanation here. I will say, though that in my humble opinion, women are actually more active than men in criticizing each other's appearance, sexuality, etc. I think feminine beauty standards are upheld more by women than men.

Answer 3

Every woman should consider herself a role model, because she is. No matter who you are or where you live, some little girl is looking up to you, looking to you for guidance and example. That is why other women's choices affect me. They affect the other women (girls) in society, thereby having an influence on my neighborhood, town, etc.

I used to work at a "family restaurant" with a beach theme and no dress code. I was the only waitress who didn't run around in a bikini top and torn jean shorts. But I made more tips than anyone else. And on more than one occasion, I had mothers approach me and thank me for dressing in a cute, classy way, because YES, their daughters notice and use older girls/women to decide what is attractive and acceptable.

As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and this is the perfect example.

EDIT: Nowhere did I say we should "control" what a woman wears and nowhere did I say anything about a "uniform."

The village can be defined as anyone the child sees on a regular basis - teachers, neighbors, friends, peers, classmates, etc. Women outside the child's daily routine (like people in a foreign country or even just another city) will naturally be seen as "different" and the child won't necessarily relate to her or feel like she should try to be like her.

We need to educate and empower our own women so that they see they have value and that they can positively affect another's life.

I guarantee you will not find one single woman with a good self image who dresses or acts like a "slut." The girls and women who sell their sexuality usually grew up without fathers and are constantly seeking male approval. They did not learn from their mothers that their brains and personalities would be enough to find love in life.

Answer 4

I believe that we're all responsible and accountable for our own choices, and that we will reap what we sow. What is one woman's sexual liberation is another woman's "sluttiness" depending on the eye of the beholder. I don't think people enjoy being judged. However, I do believe it's a mistake to think that our own personal choices only affect ourselves. That's kind of a self-centered viewpoint. Each one of us has an impact on society as a whole. Where would society get it's impact if not from each and every one of us? So, I guess what I am saying is, I believe people have the right to make their own choices, but I ask that we all stop and think about how our choices affect others...to see the bigger picture. We're not all living in our own little worlds, we live in a collective world. Our choices matter...they influence others...the way they see not only us, but other people as well. We have a responsibility (in my opinion) to remember this, esp. when it comes to making choices that reflect negatively on our gender...as women we want respect, we want equality, so we need to think about our actions and decide if what we are doing with our lives (as individuals) is positively or negatively impacting what we'd like to see happen for our gender. Maybe this wouldn't be as important (I don't know) if we weren't striving for equality...(if we already had it)....but I don't think we're "there" yet...our personal choices matter.

EDIT: Floss: I appreciate your enthusiasm...lol! But I don't think Lioness is attacking me. I'm not even sure where she stands on this issue. It looks like maybe she's giving us food for thought on more than just one side to this complicated issue. I'm not sure if she agrees with my standpoint or not, and that's o.k. We're all entitled to our own opinions. I appreciated having the opportunity to be able to give mine to this particular question. I also agree wholeheartedly with the lady who posted the response regarding being good role models for our children. She sees the "bigger picture."

Answer 5

The truth is the truth, girls lie,cheat and manupulate now more than ever. Ive never met a women that was raised like my mother or my grandmother with morals, values, and a great sense of pride. there is nothing wrong with the choices some people make but just look at your past how friends have u had that were girls that arent anymore because they stabbed u in the back and lied to you. Its goes for the same with the way many dress. they say dont look at women as objects or pieces of meat well dont let all the meat hangout. alot of your complaint (many not all) women bring it on themselves. its like dave chapell said dont dress like a hoe if u dont want to be called one just like dont dress like a cop if your not gonna help people the **** is confusing.

Answer 6

Women dress provocatively because they like it. A woman's greatest power is her sexuality and how she chooses to use said power is totally up to her. There are certain lifestyles where women are required to dress according to what their Masters or Mistresses tell them to wear. Nine times out of ten she is told to wear a short skirt, a breast revealing top and very high heels. These women do that because they enjoy making their Masters or Mistresses proud of them.

Answer 7

I can't conceive how a woman dresses should somehow reflect my tastes -- or anyone else's, other than the woman herself.

And I don't see how a women's body in any way can be offensive to anyone.

Finally, the sexual choices anyone makes is not my business -- nor anyone else's.

Answer 8

Big people discuss ideas. Mediocre people discuss events. Small people discuss other people! (and how they dress).

I am all for dressing sexy if you look good. Unfortunately, girls that do have the body to dress sexy dont have the guts, but those that dont have the body do have the nerve! It is a sad phenomena and it pisses me the living ... out of me!

Answer 9

That's what I mean about being below the belt. They love to throw gasoline on a tiny match!

It's too easy for them. I guess they want the Victorian house-wife that wears clothes covering their necks, arms and legs; pretty much a servant.

Oh - see - there I go generalizing again! You guys like that? Neither do we!

Answer 10

They want to feel wanted and/or important.