mom wants my kids to call her new husband grandpa?

Question

my parents split up when i was 13.( i am now 24 with 2 kids) It was very nasty as they still can not be in the same part of the country. My mom is coming to visit my brother and I with her husband of five years in tow. I have alot of bitter feeling towards my mother as she has only seen my 7 year old son three times in is life. She refers to her husband as Grandpa when talking to my kids. I have issues with this as I hardly know him. I want to talk to my mom about this but our realationship is VERY rocky. Please help she will be here in two days.

Answer 1

I am not sure really what to say a lot of families have step parents. It really is up to you but, in the long run does in mater what your children call him. In my family there is so many steps we do this.....Grandpa Ron, Grandpa Danny, Grandpa Red....No big deal cause kids don't understand really...

Answer 2

In these types of situations, you need to think about the kids. This is not time to be getting back at mom. The kids will probably warm up to grandpa and enjoy him. Why deprive them (grandpa and kids) of that? Save your talk with your mom for later. Bitterness is ugly. You've been hurt, sure. Keeping that will only make you an ugly person. Don't let your kids see that. Enjoy this visit, and later on discuss with your mom your thoughts. This will keep the kids out of it and make for a very pleasant gathering. Good luck

Answer 3

It's never too early for children to learn to address adults in the way those adults have asked to be addressed. That is, it is up to "Pop-Pop" to tell your kids what to call him, not his wife.

Unless adults (you and your mom, maybe?) are spoiling for a fight, they will observe this principle as well.

By your own admission, you are harboring "bitter feelings" based on the infrequencly of your mother's visits -- tho why you would expect frequent visits from a woman who "can not be in the same part of the country" and with whom you describe the relationship as "very rocky" is not explained.

Poor kids. Poor Pop-Pop.

Answer 4

That's tuff. If you guy's were closer, then I'd say yeah just to make her and him feel better. But your kids are older and at 7, your son might be old enough on his own to decide what to call him.

Your kids shouldn't be forced to call a stranger grandpa, especially when they're old enough to know the deal, but then again, sometimes it's nice to just give in to keep the peace. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you can before she has time to talk when she gets to your place just take her aside and say " look I hardly know your husband and I'm a little uncomfortable with my kids calling a stranger that we hardly know grandpa." and say that grandpa is also a term that is not just given away to anyone but someone that earns the title and respect. Say perhaps later on when we all get to know him but for now he is called by his name only. Perhaps is you call her before she arrives to explain this,but in a friendly, calm manner.

Answer 6

When you are alone with your kids you need to tell them that they can call him whatever they want to call him. If they don't feel comfortable calling him 'Grandpa" then make sure they understand that they don't have to. If when your mom comes and they aren't calling him 'Grandpa' and she asks why, then simply tell her that they told you they weren't comfortable calling him that. Just be courteous about it and I'm sure she won't be offened because it was the childrens' choice not yours, and make sure you let her know that. Your children don't need to pressured into calling someone something when they hardly know the person. Good Luck :o)

Answer 7

Let your children know that they can call him what they like. I've got friends who their kids call the step grandparents:
Grandma (name) Grandpa (name) where as they call their biological grandparents by Grandma or Grandpa or whatever. But they are all close.
Secondly just tell her it makes you uncomfortable, especially if they already are calling a biological grandparent, Grandpa.
You can just tell her, the kids call your husbands father grandpa and you don't want to confuse them. So they should call her husband by his name or more formally mr. last name.

Answer 8

Just tell your kids what to call him. Inform her that they will be calling him "Bill". Let her know ahead of time, so if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to visit. She can not force her husband on you or your kids.
Explain that for them to call him Grandpa they would need to have a long relationship with him where they see him often.

Answer 9

Jeez!!! Am I on a roll...or what??? A second question that I think I can answer.
My partner and I are a happily married couple. I have two sons (I'm the father) from a previous marraige and she has four. Her daughter's children call my wife "Nana" and they call me by my first name, which is fine with me. Their biological grandfather sees them only when it suits him, but I don't see it as a sign of disrespect if they call me by my name. Technically, your mother's new husband is NOT their grandfather. Perhaps you could approach it by saying something like "Would it be alright with both of you if the children (or kids) called him Granddad and then his first name?". Good Luck.

Answer 10

You leave it up to the kids. Your problem with mom and her new husband is not the kids problem.

And as for not seeing your son but three times.... what have you done to make it more? Did you take him to visit or do you expect her to always make the trip? Just curious. Either way, she is still grandma. I only saw my grandparents once a year as a child, but loved them anyway because my parents taught me to love, not hate my family.