How do I get my husband to experiment sexually?

Question

Okay so I am 30 have been married for 2 years my husband is 25 and was a virgin until he met me. I have had a lot more experience than he has so I know what I like and I am very freaky and willing to try new stuff. My husband on the other hand is frigid and it is always missionary or me on top. BORING. Can you give suggestions as to how we can bring in some toys and even try oral which he hates and I love.. Help!!! By the way we are both very attractive and I look 23 or younger.

Answer 1

This is an issue as old as marriage itself - a couple who might be somewhat mismatched, causing one to feel unsatisfied, the other inadequate.

The male ego is a fragile thing. If somehow you have communicated to him that he is not making you smile between the sheets, fear may cause him not to step out, not to try anything he might fail at.

Men do need to be "on top" - if not physically, certainly in the way that they feel about being able to please the woman they care for. He needs to believe that HE IS THE ONE, the MAN who makes Your socks go up and down.

First of all, when he does something that does feel "right", that hits the spot, don't be phony about and certainly don't lie, but do let him know that he's there, that he has done something worth making some noise about. If you are telling him what he is doing wrong, or NOT doing right - STOP IT and stop it NOW. Reinforce and comment only on the steps he takes in the right direction. Let all communication in the bedroom be positive and be about HIM . Don't bring up past experiences (because he has none) unless he is in them, lovers you think did things better or hot nights with others you wish you could repeat,. NEVER BRING UP ANOTHER MAN IN YOUR BEDROOM AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LOVE!

Then, make him the EXPERT ON YOU. Make him the man who knows the most about you. Confidence builds confidence and this also will unchain him from some of his inhibitions.

One thing you might try is first, just sharing thoughts, sexual fantasies with him. But do make sure that in the fantasy HE is always the man performing well, that you are always referring to HIM making You feel wonderful (if you can SEE it, you can BE it). Because the first thing to do is to build up his sexual confidence. When you believe in him he just might too.

Try to be a bit innocent, let him lead the action and then do enjoy what he offers. MEN do want to know that they are good lovers, that they can please you.

If he does not like oral sex you might find out why - gently. Is it giving or receiving he doesn't care for? And again, i suspect his confidence is suffering. He may think he cant do it, and so doesn't want to ask for it as he doesn't want to fail in the reverse situation.

Ask for his guidance, tell him how very attractive and sexual he is to you and ask what he thinks might be a good idea in the bedroom. If it's his idea he may respond better - and believe me - he HAS some ideas, he just isn't sharing them.

I do suspect he is reacting to you having the experience. Remember that sex starts in our heads - even for men. Don't wait until you get to the bedroom to make him feel like a man. Be a bit weaker, a bit more shy, let him lead and be the stronger, the more aggressive of the two of you.

Play with your femininity, be alluring but not aggressive - don't attack but "be inviting" and see if he doesn't become more assertive as you become more coy, more seductive...he needs to know that HE DOES IT FOR YOU.

Once you begin to see a change, once the dynamic begins to shift a bit, THEN you might throw out an idea or two - gently ASKING his advice on whether to try this or that. Let HIM be the one to move things along. This will help him to become more of a leader in the bedroom giving him some permission to share what he might be thinking.

These things take time, don't rush, but remember that you are building for a lifetime of special intimacy, not just one hot night. GO slowly and let him lead. Good luck honey.

Answer 2

I grew up pretty sheltered, and my husband is awesome! We take things at our own pace, he introduced pornos to me and I have found a type that I like and he enjoys as well, we get alot of ideas from them, my thoughts are, if people are doing those things in front of a camera it must be okay for me to do. We also get all our Friends together once a year and have an adult toy party, there are a few companies out there that do these and they generally have really fun people that give them. The person giving them has pretty good ideas and helpful things to assist in your lovemaking session. And all our Friends enjoy and request us to have these parties because it is fun to learn and open up to other people about things and know that you are not alone in some areas. I just need to clarify that these parties are strictly catalog parties, you order your items for your own home use. I have become a little less inhibited, also getting drunk helps a little too when i want to get really freaky. Just a few ideas for you.

Answer 3

To be honest with you I am baffled. If only my wife had the same sexual attitude as you I would have no problems at all. What I have been trying to do is just talk to my wife and try to get her to try new things. She is like your man. I am only the second guy she has been with and I have a lot more experience than she. I have tried to get her to read erotic stories or watch a porno with me. I have tried to "teach" her different things, but she says she wasn't raised that way. So if you find anything out that works let me know!

Answer 4

Your age has nothing to do with your beauty.
That being said, your sexual prowlness does, your getting closer to your peak and have growing needs. There is awlays one partner that wants sex more than the other, if not you'd both starver to death.
Find out what makes him tick, what does he enjoy/ want from you... what makes him feel LOVED. Not in the sexual way, but emotional way. Maybe he is more sensative than most men.
Most of us guys as long as we aren;t fighting, we mid as well be... you know ;-)
Good Luck.... and don't make it such a stress, then it will seem like a chore and you don;t want that. I'm gonna assume you've tried dressing up... cheer leader, school girl, maid outifts, maybe one of those will get him worked up.

Answer 5

Well this is a role reversal for me...My wife "was" a bit or a prude in the bedroom. If you know what you like then you need to make sure he KNOWS what YOU like. Maybe buy yourself a toy and use it during one of your sessions with you on top. That way it's introduced at a time and situation where he's comfortable.

Just remember start with the small things and, work your way to the bigger more exotic things. Not to get into to much detail but, my wife had really opened up since we introduced a sex toy or two...I just told her that I really LOVE to see her touch herself and, she started playing with them from time to time.

Overall I think it comes down to letting him know that you love him but, you'd like to spice it up in the bedroom a bit and,see what he might be comfortable with.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Its not about how you look, its about his sexual views being different from your sexual views. Sexual compatability is important in a marriage.

I would suggest you try talking to him openly and honestly. Explain how you feel and what you would like to do with him to spice things up. Try to find out if there is anything he would like to try or if he would at least be willing to experiment some until you figure out what you both agree on. Encourage him to be open and honest with you about his thoughts, desires and worries. Communication is key!

If he refuses, you will either have to accept how things are or move on.

Answer 7

Just talk to him about it. Don't give him the impression that your needs aren't being met, but tell him what excites you, what turns you on, etc. Chances are he'll be receptive and more willing to try.

He's likely nervous because of his inexperience with other women. But tell him that shouldn't matter, because he's with you. Put him at ease, he'll let his guard down and open up.

Answer 8

Yes, the next time he is ready for sex, let him know that he will get it only if he is willing to try something new. You will still give him his missionary if that's what he wants, but after that you want some ***

Answer 9

You are kinda in a difficult situation... Cause you cant ask someone to do something they don't wanna do. I have similar problem too...never solved it either.. Try talk to him ask him what his fantasies are (i am sure he has some) & maybe try something if it sounds practical. Try jumping into sex rather than making sex a routine...or a job. If nothing works...get ur satisfaction on ur own ...masturbate cyber..role play on second life.. anything u want...it would be better than cheating..anyday..

Answer 10

Just take the inititive and do it on your end. Surprise him dressed up in a french maids outfit...surprise him by pulling out a toy in the middle of your foreplay... just do it.