Husband recently left and says he wants a divorce. He is staying with friends now. We have been to see a paralegal to see what steps to take to get divorced. But sometimes he acts like he is really unsure of his desion. He came over to the house to talk and started crying when he looked at out wedding pictures. Then I gave him my ring back and he acted hurt that I did. Then he asked me if I wanted it back a few days later. I said okay and he took it to have it cleaned before he brought it back. I really don't know if his is having some kind of midlife crisis and is confused or just doesn't know what he wants.
2007-08-27 07:49:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like he is confussed and not knowing what to do. If this were me, and you'll have to decide what's best for you... I would talk to my husband and seek joint counselling. You can do this with your pastor or an LPC. To me, I'd want to do everything possible to save my marriage. But I will tell you this now.... Paralegals are not allowed by law to give legal advice or act as an attorney. Contact a family law attorney to get information on divorce. Good Luck
2007-08-27 08:03:25 · answer #1 · answered by Linda S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about counseling. If he says no then it sounds like he's leaning more towards the divorce and stalling for the best options. You did ok by speaking to a Paralegal regarding the "steps" to take to get a divorce. No they cannot give you legal advice but can discuss the process and tell you about some of the different things that could happen. My attorney and I worked side by side on cases. There's a difference between giving procedural information and giving advice but no I would not take advice from a Paralegal and the goods ones won't offer it so be leary of those that do. Hopefully he'll do counseling but if not, you need to speak with an attorney and get your affairs in order so you're ready if it does happen.
We always try to deter divorces so I hope things can be worked out for you but just don't lower your standards in order to make it work.
Good Luck!
2007-08-27 08:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Georgia Peach 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like neither of you is sure that a divorce is the right thing. It is best not to go forward until you and he feel it is certain. It seems to me he is wanting you to pursue him and tell him that you think the marriage is worth salvaging. If you do feel that way, don't be too proud to tell him and suggest he come home so you two can give it a real try. Too many marriages end over too much pride.
2007-08-27 07:59:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever his problem is, its his problem. It becomes your problem when he jerks you around and causes you hurt and confusion.
Do you want a divorce? If so, proceed with the filing.
If not, tell your husband that you will give him 30 days of time apart to figure out what he really wants. After that, he has to either file or come home and work on your marriage.
2007-08-27 08:00:44 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid there is no easy answer for this....He could be having a mid-life crisis (Andropause) or he could be already involved with someone else....People think and act differently and you know him better than we do!
Perhaps you should evaluate what your feelings are...
Do you still love him? Do you want to try to save your marriage? If he were cheating, do you think you could forgive and forget? Maybe you could go to a therapist and see if he/she could give you helpful tips so you can deal with this better. I would also tell him to think things over- and give him a time limit for this trial separation. You shouldn't have to wait eternally for him to make up his mind, either. You have a life to live- whether with or without him.
Remember, it takes "two to tango"...so it will take two to make this marriage work- and two to make it end.
Good luck and take care!
2007-08-27 10:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might just be that it hurts that your marriage is over. That's normal. If he wanted to work it out he shouldn't have moved out or gone to a paralegal to start the divorce. Talk to him, ask him what he wants. Tell him to hurry up and make up his mind because you can't and won't put your feelings and life on hold while he makes up his mind. Good luck.
2007-08-27 08:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is either having second thoughts about getting a divorce or maybe he is just reminiscing about what you guys used to have. The only way to know what's going on is to talk to him about it. Have you guys tried some marriage counseling? I wouldn't throw the towel in just yet. Seems like there's still some love going on!
2007-08-27 08:17:45 · answer #7 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not sure if he's going thru a midlife crisis or not, but if he's living separately from you, there are always going to be trust issues. Ya'll can't work on your problems if you live separately. If he wants you back bad enough, tell him to move back in, and ya'll work on it together. Too much time apart doesn't do any good on either part. Good luck!
2007-08-27 07:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do yoyu want ? Do you want to stay in a marriage where he will come and go as he pleases? Come home when there is nobody else. Does a ring cleaning mean he wants you back for now? Give him the ring back and tell him to put it up his @***, and you need to move on with it.
2007-08-27 08:06:49 · answer #9 · answered by seahorse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree about the trust issues that sunflowergal talks of. But plain and simple the two of you need to talk and get down to the nitty gritty and decide what you both want, no ifs ands or buts...just decide what you want and how far you are willing to go to comprise, he should to the same, then the two of you need to tell one another. Maybe you can find somewhere to meet in the middle or go your separate ways. Either way, finality will help you find closure to this chapter in your life.
2007-08-27 08:01:26 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋