He lies to me about things that he knows will upset me. He started chewing tobacco and I found out from a friend. He said he quit, but I found out otherwise. He lies about buying it, he lies about buying porn. I have no clue how much more he lies about. I have to catch him and figure the lies out for myself. He never sets me down and tells me he's lapsed and bought tobacco, or he's lapsed and bought porn (which he was addicted to for about a year) He doesn't confess when confronted about these things. I have to drag it out of him. One time it took me 8 months to drag a lie out of him. He lied to me for those 8 months looking me straight in the eyes! He always lies and looks me straight in the eyes. Who knows what else he's lied/lying about?? He didn't do this stuff until about 3 years ago. We've been together 8 years. I can't stand this. I don't trust him anymore. Should I quit? We have a 16 month old boy. I never lie to him If I have done something I think would upset him, I tell him.
2007-08-27 07:26:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anu Y. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me clarify something - I never lie to my husband about anything, NOT even petty stuff. WHY LIE? Why break a bound of trust? News flash, I don't care if he does this stuff --- well his addiction needs to be cured --- I care that he keeps it from me and lies about it. My friend didn't tell me my husband chews tobacco because he thought that I should know, he thought that I knew. We were having casual conversation and he had taken a pic of my spouse, and that's how I found out. It was in the pic.!!! I don't lie to the ones I love because I love them. I have standards and morals and values that I refuse to comprimise to save my @$$ from embarrassment or any arguement. That's very selfish, and that's not me. If someone lies about the little stuff, how do I know they aren't lying about the big stuff??...... fidelity. Maybe liars approve of liars, but I do not.
2007-08-27 07:46:07 · update #1
Do you lie to him? Do you keep secrets from him, like how many shoes you bought at the mall with your friends or dresses? We all have our little Lies that we tell ours selves and others.....but guess what.....the standard that you want is what you need to give......
Marriage is hard and this is petty.
2007-08-27 07:35:17 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think I can see why he feels the need to hide things from you. You sound like a very dominate personality and a controller. Anyone that will spend eight months dragging something out of someone else is hell bent on gaining the upper hand in something just to prove they are right. That is scary. It sounds like he might have quit chewing tobacco for you, not because he wanted to quit. He started back and did not want to tell you because of the hell you would raise about it. The porn problem is simple, tell him that it is the porn or you, he can not have both. Don't try to beat him into confessing it, just flat out tell him, "Pick, the porn or me and your baby." Pick your battles, tell him you do not care if he chews tobacco, just don't hide it, but you do care about the porn. If you find he is still into porn again, he will come home to an empty house. I agree with you on the porn, but you need to give him that chance to tell you the little stuff like chewing tobacco and not fear you going off the deep end.
2007-08-27 14:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once a liar, always a liar and he is definitely lying about alot of other things.
I can guess right now that he is so immature. He doesn't want to take on the responsibility of getting married and raising a family, that's for sure. He wants to play like he did in high school when he was probably lying to his parents. Well, that's what he's doing. He still hasn't grown up!
If you had some self respect, pride, dignity and value, you would leave him today. You can't let some stupid liar treat you that way. The more you let him treat you like this, the worse it's going to get, because he's getting away with it.
C'mon. You lost trust and if you don't trust your husband, then the marriage is over. You can't stay married if you both don't love eachother, you're both not doing whatever you can do to make eachother happy and loving eachother with respect, trust and communication.
Get you're baby away from that mess. That's all he's creating and it will only get worse. His reaction when you confront him will tell all. I wish you all the luck.
2007-08-27 14:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Can you please calm down. He lies about tobacco big deal!! he lies about having porn after he's been addicted that might be something to be concerened about.
But mostly I think he doesn't tell the truth because he can't. I mean if he does tell you you will pitch a fit..
He is avoiding a big fight. I can't blame him either because I'd be scared of someone who waits 8 months and 'drags' something out of people.
Sorry if I was harsh but you seem very driven and not in a good way.
2007-08-27 14:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Time to move on if you feel that strongly about his lies--plus your trust in this relationship with him has all but gone anyway...find yourself a decent man, one who holds true to your set of values, scruples, morals and principles...there are MANY out there you know!! It must be said however--many women lie too--not just men--i won't have it that its just a 'man thing' after all the arguing-(well, just the two arguments really--it just 'felt like more'!)-i've done tonight on here in defence of 'MANkind', and the lying that they 'supposedly' do--your case being different...HE doesn't do himself, NOR MANkind any favours here with the lies HE tells--sorry dear but you are better off without these 'added' problems in a relationship.
2007-08-27 15:18:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If I couldn't trust my husband I would not be with him. For me trust is very important. If they lie about one thing, they will lie about anything. It is up to you and what you will tolerate or accept. You deserve someone that will be honest with you about all things, big or small. Maybe you guys could seek some counseling. Although it sounds like he may have some addiction issues as well and you can't change that, only he can. So maybe you should think about what is best for you and your child.
2007-08-27 14:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband and my wife should be together and lie to each other all day long. Been divorced for six months and I still have to deal with her lies.
2007-08-27 14:33:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is ridiculous considering the things he lies about. I would drag him to a church so it can start convicting his heart. Pray for him and let him know this is not cute anymore.
2007-08-27 14:44:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lucci 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Only you know if you should quit or not. If after 3 years of this crap, you haven't had enough of his lies; stop complaining and enjoy the ride.
2007-08-27 14:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That can't be good. You don't know when he is being honest about anything. I think you should give him one chance to come clean about anything you can get out of him. You shouldn't take that. 8 years is too long to put up with that. Good luck!
2007-08-27 14:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ HeNnEsSy ™ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋