What should i do now, can i be blamed for this?

Question

Three days ago my son was trying to get attention, he told us he was going to kill himself, and i thinking he was just trying to get attention said, "just don't make a mess". ten minutes later i heard a gun shot from the bathroom, he shot himself in the head. what do i do now? i thought he was just trying to get attention so i wasn't going to feed into it, we are having a funeral, and i never told the police about what i said, but still. should i feel resposible for his death?

as for the gun. i have no idea where he got it. im a registered democrat so i obviously don't own one. the police are looking into it

Answer 1

damn...that's harsh!

you shouldn't necessarily feel responsible for his death because of what you said. i know it's hard with kids because they joke around so much, but you should have been more compassionate and caring by listening to his cries of need. he didn't need sarcasm.

no need in telling the police. you're already going through enough with the loss of your son. just be more careful before you speak next time.

Answer 2

At first I thought this was some kind of sick joke. After all, why would this even be enough of a concern for you to go an post it here, three days after your son's suicide? That struck me as odd. Then I saw your snarky little addition that, as a registered democrat, of course you don't own a gun. All that served to do was to try to insult democrats. I don't know why you bothered posting this, but please don't waste everyone's time (And, for some people, their emotions) in the future, OK?

Answer 3

Are you serious?? I don't mean to sound crass and unsympathetic but IF this really happened you better not be looking on YA for help and re-assurance. You better go see a doctor and fast before you develop big issues.

Or maybe you don't really care that he blew his brains out because you didn't ask if it was your fault (on an emotional level) or if you were responsible (mentally) in some way. What you want to know is if YOU can be blamed for it by the police.

Answer 4

If this is for real, no, you cannot be blamed. Unfortunately this happens more often than you or I would want to think it does. It will be the hardest lesson you may ever learn to take words like this seriously for the rest of your life, but no, you cannot be blamed.

After some time you do need to seek counseling for yourself and it would definitely help you and the rest of the world if you then go to schools, churches, etc. and tell your story so you can prevent more suicides than you feel you are responsible for although you really aren't. I'm sorry.

Answer 5

Always take your child seriously about something like this. He wasn't trying to get attention he was trying to get help, he didn't really want to go through with it, he was reaching out to you and you acted like you didn't care, which justified why he had to do it. Wow, that is just aweful.

Why aren't you greiving right now? That would be such a tradegy I would be bed ridden for who knows how long, and yet 3 days your well enough to sit on the internet and post this to the public???

Answer 6

I feel for you first off. To answer the question, no you shouldn't feel responsible for this at all. There was something going on in his life that you may or may not have known about, because there was reason that he wanted to die. Apparently, he had it planned out due to the fact that he obtained the firearm. It appears he was sincere about it so no matter if you took him serious or not really isn't the issue, the real issue is, he set out to do it and was going to do it no matter what. Don't blame yourself, he had some issues that he couldn't deal with.

Answer 7

I am so, so sorry for your loss. First, let me direct you to a support group called Compassionate Friends. It is for those who have lost children in their family. Here is their link: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
No, you are not to blame. You do not need to "confess" to the police. I can tell you not to feel responsible, but you will. I felt responsible for my son's death, and he died in an accident...God only knows what you must be feeling. Nothing I say will alleviate your pain, but slowly, slowly you will come to grips with it, although it doesn't feel like it now. Don't try to take things one day at a time...a day is much too long. Take things, instead, one hour at a time, and deal with your grief in small doses. It is too much to swallow all at once. Free yourself from blame and hold on to your son's memory.

Answer 8

I cant imagine how you must feel right now. First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I wouldn't advise telling them what you said to him. But if you feel that that will help you heal somewhat then maybe you should tell them so you can suffer the consequences of your actions. I know losing your son I'm sure is punishment enough and you're going to have to live with that for the rest of your life. Good luck with everything.

Answer 9

Wow. While I too felt horrible guilt in the shooting suicide of my friend, I have no idea what you're going through.

I too didn't believe my friend, and told him to wait until I got to his house with massive quantities of drugs and alcohol, so we'd forget any pain. To my dismay, cops and emt's were there waiting for me.

This was over 11 years ago, and the pain lingers. Know that while the situation could have been handled better, it could have been worse.

Seek some form of therapy, or else you'll start down a slippery slope. Good luck

Answer 10

I can't believe you didn't think he was serious. Anyone who mentions or even thinks that way has obviously had the thoughts. I am sorry for your loss, and no I don't think you should be to blame. However, you should have taken him seriously. Your guilty conscience will stay with you for a very long time. Good luck