I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and have been fooling myself into thinking I could stay with him. He was unemployed for 5 years and only got a job before we started going out. He still lives at home (he is 30) whereas I just bought my second apartment. I earn more money than him but I never thought it was a problem. We aren't 'in love' but do love each other. We get on really well but I have found myself thinking that I can't spend my life with someone who doesn't have any ambition. He recently said that there was a 'possibility' we may get married someday but he didn't seem sure! This put the final nail in the coffin for me and I want to move on and find someone else. Thing is, this is going to come as a complete shock to him because everything is seemingly ok right now. I just can't waste my time with someone who doesn't see a future with me....but how do I let him know??
2007-08-27 06:30:34 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, maybe you shouldn't rush into ending it. I mean, if he has no idea his lack of ambition is bothering you, he obviously doesnt know it needs to change. Give him a hint that its bothering you, and see if he does anything about it. Or, to make it less of a shock atleast, start pointing out things that arent working or are bothering you. Then sit him down and have a talk with him. Say exactly what you said in this, how you love him but arent "in" love with him, and if he really cares about you, like it seems he does, he will be hurt but will understand that you need to be happy. A life spent unhappy isnt much of a life at all.
2007-08-27 06:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by Taylor. 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're ending it because he said he wasn't sure if he was planning on marrying you? Then his lack of ambition has nothing to do with it. You can tell him the truth and support him for the rest of your life or you can use the lack of ambition reason. I'm sure he'll marry you if you tell him the truth. He'd be stupid not to. You sound like a smart person with a good future. Don't waste it. Move on. You'll be glad you did.
2007-08-27 06:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well did u talk to him about it ? i don't think u did .. and if u broke up with him without pushing him to have a good future then thats mean this is not the only reason ... may be there r other things that u don't like about him ,, or may be there r many things u like about him but u r not giving it that much attention ...///,,,u have spent a year and half with this guy ... i don't see any problem with the guy .. he still think that u happy with the life style u got used to for a year and half .. how could he change if he doesn't know u don't like it ?
2007-08-27 10:36:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you find the current situation unfulfilling. He needs to decide which he wants more--having no ambition or having you.
There is no way to break up with someone that isn't shocking, even when they expect it.
If you both love each other, then you are "in love". Your own choice of phrasing ("we're not 'in love'") points to the fact that you already have one foot out the door. It is time for you to make up your mind.
2007-08-27 06:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first talk to him and tell him that you don't know if the relationship should go any further because of how you feel.. tell him you need time to think about it. and then stay away for a couple of days, this should give him time to think as well and if you still want to break up it won't be such a 'shock' to him then.
2007-08-27 06:41:29 · answer #5 · answered by c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him. Yeah it might hurt/come as a shock, but you will both be better off for having ended a dying relationship anyways.
Find a guy that knows what he wants and is working towards it.. someone more compatible for you.
Good Luck!
2007-08-27 06:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by umannjo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Telling someone your done is never easy. you need to bite the bullet, and explain your true feelings. There is no point in waiting around for someone to fall in love with you, life is to short for all that racket. Move on. He will adventualy find someone new as well.
2007-08-27 06:38:12 · answer #7 · answered by diablo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
u must do it slowly.try to seem not interested, this wont be so hard since u r already not interested.socialise more often, make more friends, and spend time with them-that way u will relieve urself of tension and u will have more entertaining things to do during spare time. after sometime start slowly by slowly telling him about what u dont like and then finally...break up.
2007-08-27 06:39:47 · answer #8 · answered by hot_cool 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, my exboyfriend started treating me poorly and not calling and staying out all night and then yelling at me when I'd question him, and that is one way of breaking up with someone so it won't be shock, but I don't recommend it at all. Just be honest. You can only be honest. Be gentle. He will survive.
2007-08-27 06:38:15 · answer #9 · answered by Aiden 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First step is to let him know this is bothering you. This helps a lot because he might change, which could fix the relationship. Otherwise this would give you a concrete reason to break up with him...from his point of view.
2007-08-27 06:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by Spearfish 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋