noncommunicating husband?

Question

I have a husband that works 7 days a week only to come home and veg out on the couch. I have 2 young sons and I get no help from him. Is it wrong for me to be pissed off about that? I understand that he works all day and wants to relax but I raise 2 kids all day and need some adult communication. ugh. Is there any of you ladies in the same boat?

I have tried telling him how I feel about our marriage and he just zones out in front of the TV. Seriously, I'll be talking to him and he won't even know it. I'm actually thinking about leaving him.

he chooses to work 7 days a week...he normally works 40 hours and tells me that getting a part-time job is nearly impossible because of his work sched. I have offered many times to help out and get a job but he refuses. I think it's putting a strain on our kids because they hardly see him and when they do he's laying on the couch for 4 hours straight and doesn't even play with them. They're 22 months and 5 months old. It's stressing me out!!! I have shared my feelings with him many times and he just blows them off.

Answer 1

Read Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage.

Answer 2

There are so many ladies in the same boat that it would be difficult to count them all. Believe it or not, there are even quite a few guys in this boat.
Not only are you carrying the load, but your husband is not spending any quality time with his family, and that is not the key to long-term happiness. You need to talk with your husband and tell him of your concerns. You also need to understand that he works hard, and is tired. Try to refrain from placing blame, using accusatory statements, or judging him too harshly. Neither of you will be able to communicate with the other if the discussion ends in an argument.
One thing that I have found helpful, though it only works from time to time, is to get my husband interested in something before he ever makes it to the couch. If you break up the routine, then sometimes it's easier for the other person to break it also. My husband crashes at night, and I'm alone until I go to bed at 11:00 - 12:00. I had to learn that if I want to spend some quality time, it will have to be in the morning. He and I have some nice time together between 5:30 and 6:30. It's hard for me, but I've gotten used to it over time. Good luck.

Answer 3

I am so beginning to feel like the OLD LADY who has done it all before and has survived!

Yep - the present MR. EYEDONTNOSE was that man!

He used to come home and because he assumed that I could entertain myself he didn't bother.

He came home one night with the kids away overnight, a very nice dinner ready with vino on tap and me 'nicely turned out!' - and the TV cling-filmed towithin an inch of suffocation!

He was made to bathe, shave and dress - and come down stairs AND ENTERTAIN ME as if he was meeting me for the first time AND EVERYTHING(!) depended on whether or not I still fancied him!

And I was DEADLY serious - if there was nothing there I was willing to call it a day.

But - here we are 17 years later - still with good days and bad days - but he just needs the occasional reminder that he is still on trial!

Sometimes it does take dramatic and drastic action to bring things to a head.

Write him a letter REALLY telling him how you feel if the above is not for you. And make him read it AT LEAST 3 times - and ask him if HE thinks that is the way to treat his wife and the mother of his children.

I honestly don't think that most men try to be ignorant or arrogant - they really do just fall into a VERY FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY.

Never ever let him believe that you believe that you have no other options.

I really do wish you all the luck in the world. Maybe you will find a way of letting us know what happens!

Good luck Princess - GO GET YOUR MAN!!!!

Answer 4

You left out one important thing. The money verses the bills.
Why would he be working such long hours if he did not have too.
What you didn't say in the question tells me more than what you did say.
The two kids are no only hard to deal with but expensive too.
Is there a standard of living your hopeing to keep?
Prices have gone up even the price of milk has doubled so I can't belive you left money out of your question because you have alot of it.
Hire a baby sitter if you need one to get a rest or join a club of mothers who do things togeather sat a church and get that adult contact you need.
Being a responsible adult is hard isn't it?

Answer 5

If you want to end up in either an abused women's shelter or a mental ward, read Dr. Laura's book and follow her advice. Dr. Laura is an embarrassment to the human race.

Otherwise, come on! He works 7 days a week and you don't think he's a bit tired? I know you're tired too, but you had those kids together. Somebody's got to take care of them! His job is to make the money, yours is to be their stay home mom. Join some mother's organizations -- MOPS is one -- that provides you some away time and yet they have good child care for the kids. Be nice to him. He's doing his best.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel, but make sure you tell him you understand he works a lot; but you both made the children so you should both take care of them and be a part of their lives.

EDIT: I know how you feel; although my fiance and I don't have children, we have a huge communication problem. He works 6 days a week and when he is off work, we just sit at home- I'll mention going somewhere or try and make plans but he is always tired from work. It really puts a strain on things. Plus, I'll try and talk to him and he'll stare at the tv and not even hear me. I know how it is. I've talked to him numerous times about it, but it's about the same.

Answer 7

My daughter had a husband like that. She tried telling him she wanted time with him, and the kids needed to see their father once in a while. He never listened to her. This went on for about four or five years, her unhappiness turned to resentment.
They are no longer together.

Some how you will have to make him see that he is helping to destroy your marriage. Having a good work ethic is one thing, but these guys (people) take it to far.
Maybe you could get him into counseling? If that does not work, maybe you could have some one that he respects to talk to him.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I went through this also but mine won't so much working as just running with the guys drinking after work. Your feelings are normal and he should offer more help but it seams that men don't think that this is their duty they are to just work and bring home the money and we are to take care of the kids. But thank God my husband is now stoped drinking and saved and all is diff rent. If he is like mine was telling him anything won't make a difference he will just shroud you off and watch TV. I wish that I had advice to give but God made the difference for me.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Maybe you can get a part time job to help him so he won't have to work 7 days a week. I bet you wouldn't want to trade places with him. He's working his a** off to provide for his family and you're whining that he doesn't have the energy or time to spend with you? If he didn't work so much you'd probably be complaining that he is lazy and doesn't work. Can't win with some people. Why aren't you asking what you can do to thank your husband for all his hard work. Or what can you do to make the load easier for him?

Answer 11

Sadly, alot of men (including myself) have a weakness in this area. It's a weakness because we are not man enough to confront it. But the last thing you want to do is be confrontational with him. We tend to just rebel more. Ugly pride!!!
I'm humbled most when my wife honors me even when I don't deserve it. She will say things to let me know that she is committed to our marriage no matter what.And thru my ugliness she quick to point out my strengths and thank and praise for every little thing I do right. And when I do something not so right, I get credit for trying. "Never" and "Always" are seldom in her vocabulary. In th beginning, I used it to my advantage and I know now that it deeply hurt her. Soon I realized I was doing my self a huge dis-favor.
Marriages can never be perfect because people are not perfect. Being human, every bride and groom has faults as well as virtues. We are at times gloomy, cranky, selfish, or unreasonable. We are a mixture of generous, altruistic feelings combind with self-seeking aims, petty vanities, and ambitions. We unite love and courage with selfishness and fear. Marriage is an alloy of gold and tin. If we expect more than this, we are doomed to disappointment.
I know the lonliness and emotional abandonment is very painful. Try your best not to retaliate. And be encouraged, your not really alone! And of course, tough love done in a calm loving spirit can also work. Remember, love is a decision, not a feeling. Don't get sucked into hating.
Good luck!