Should I kick my wife out?

Question

I love my wife very much and she says she loves me.

However she had a relationship which she said was just a freindship with a much older man, he used to buy her drinks and get her drunk. He has a reputation of feeling women up when they are drunk. This happened while I was away caring for my son who was very ill.

When I came back she agreed that she would not even talk to him anymore.

I just found our latest cell phone bill, she used to keep it on the internet but since it was so high last time I decided to print it out to see why.

To my horror in one month their were 131 calls between her and this old pervert. All of which happened while I was at work.

I asked her if our marriage was over and she said she would be lost without me and she doesn't know why she kept talking to him.

What should I do?

Answer 1

Don't throw your marriage away, the cost is greater than you know. Many people have unresolved issues. Seek some consoling. She needs it more than you, and she need your help. You signed up for better or worse. Before any therapy can work she needs to commit to putting time and energy into it.

Retrouvaille is An organization experienced and equipped to help renew and restore hurting marriages. It can be very helpful in getting your wife to where she needs to be for therapy to work.

Also implement a AA type system, find her a person willing to talk, at anytime she feels like talking to him. this person needs to be supportive and nurturing. If your job permit call her when ever possible to replace his phone calls. Block his number from the cells and home phone.

She may not be having a physical affair, but it is an emotional one. This does not mean she loves him, just getting some emotional nurturing, and yes it is wrong and damaging to your relationship and to herself.

Don't expect her to take the lead, she won't. you need to take control and lead her back into the marriage. Be straight out with it, tell her what and why you are doing.

Answer 2

Sure. Women have been doing it for years. Have all of the locks changed, pack her clothes and put them outside. Hire a lawyer right away. If she's gambling a lot you better take half of the money out of your joint accounts, or take it all keeping in mind you will have to return her half during the divorce proceedings. But first and foremost protect yourself and your children the best you can. Keep in mind while you're married and before you go to court you are free to do whatever you want, and that includes what you do with your children too (while in the marriage you can take them anywhere in the world you want - after the divorce and custody has been set, that changes). When the divorce is final you have to follow the court orders that include custody and property settlements. In the mean time it's a free country!

Answer 3

It may just be that your wife is lonely for attention. Doesn't sound like anything other than some light phone sex is going on with the pervert. Kicking her out is extreme, particularly when you may be part of the problem. Are you spending enough time with your wife? Do you make her feel cared for? When's the last time you took her out for an evening? No, before you throw the woman out, make sure you've done all you can to make her happy.

Answer 4

She can't be trusted. That much you know. The only question is how to deal with it.

You have to decide if the pain to your life and those around you that would come from breaking up the home is greater than the ongoing pain of living with her if you don't. Some counseling might be good for both of you.

Just remember: She has issues that caused her to get into this situation. Those issues will still be there no matter what you do. Make sure you can live with them.

Answer 5

Wow that is a lot of phone calls. I don't think I make that many personal calls in 6 months. You have a real problem in that you are looking to forgive her.....before she seems ready to stop being an abusive wife to you. Yes-this is abuse. I guess you know where I am going with this...if not...don't keep yourself in an abusive situation as it will kill your self esteem and damage you to your very soul. If I found myself in this position I would tell my partner, under no circumstances would I tolerate this type of behavior...that they could find their bags on the front porch and that I knew that I was better than the crap I was being handed. I would wish them luck and offer no discussion.

Answer 6

Why is your wife so lonely that she has decided to give an perv her time instead of you? Why don't you ask her what you can do to make her not want attention from another man if she tells you and you make an effort to try and pay more attention to her needs and she still keeps taking to the old man then leave at least you leave knowing it was her and not you.

Answer 7

She knows why she kept talking to him and you do too. The question is are you able to look past her indiscretion and work on your marriage. She did not keep her word the first time and that says she cant be trusted. Ultimately you need to decide and ask yourself if your marriage is really workable when you cant trust your spouse.

Answer 8

I wonder if it's phone sex? then that is cheating and needs to be addressed.
The real question is how do you deal with the information you have it?
Seems you would dump her if you get enogh support form the folks here at Y & A.
Personally I would have to say good-bye.

Answer 9

Of course she said she'd be lost without you, who else is going to support her while she's out getting drunk and fingered by some old perverted fart.

Answer 10

She needs counseling to figure out what she wants. I feel your pain cheating emotionally or physically are both devistating to a marriage. Without trust and her being able to be honest you are headed for disaster.