I have been dating a guy for almost a year and a half now and he proposed to me in May. I don't really fit in his family and his mom is always trying to hard to talk to me - she doesn't know how to act around me or something. I'm not in love with him, and not happy with my life with him right now - I don't know for sure weather my life would be better or worse without him but I know right now I'm not happy. He thinks I'm the only good thing in his life, and he wouldn't know what he would do without me, how do you tell someone like that, you don't want to marry them? I don't want to break his heart or for him to be lonely, I care about him a lot and don't want to hurt him, I think this is why I haven't ended it yet. Please help with any suggestions, I don't want to hurt him, and I want him to realize I'm not all he has and that other people love him and care for him - not just me. PLEASE HELP!!!!!
2007-08-27 05:59:27 · 18 answers · asked by SMILE777 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first of all you should never be in a relationship merely out of obligation, which is what it sounds like you're doing. second of all you are doing yourself AND HIM a major injustice in staying in a relationship that you are not happy in. the longer you wait, the more heartbroken he is going to be. you just need to be honest with him. yes, it will hurt him, but he will get over it, just like everyone does. it's not going to be easy, but do you really want to waste your life in an unhappy marriage? because believe me, marriage doesn't solve problems....it only magnifies them about 150 times! if you aren't happy now, you will be downright miserable once you are bound to him FOREVER.....and you will only resent him and make him resent you. get out now. just do it. you have to be honest with yourself and honest with him....and then stick to it. you can't live unhappily to make someone else happy...it just doesn't work like that.
2007-08-27 06:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy now, what will be different when you are married. Delaying something that is hard to do because you don't want to hurt someone is only delaying the out come. Someone once told me, " Do the most difficult things first, it will save you much grief and stress, to be done with it."
If you are not happy now, what could you possible offer to a marriage. Marriage and relationships are work and if you go into one lying to him, nothing good will come of it. Talk to him about how you feel and be honest, he will be upset at first, but will be thank full later.
2007-08-27 14:06:24 · answer #2 · answered by Tam 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what the engagement period is for: to see if the two people involved are compatible. If you've found that you're not, you are wise to cancel the engagement. Simply tell your guy that it's not working out and you'd rather not continue in the relationship. If there's a ring involved, be sure to return it to him. If you don't love him, the best thing for both of you is to call the marriage off. He may not think so when you tell him, but he'll understand later. You have no obligation to explain anything to his mom; so don't let her trick you into doing so. I applaud you for having the courage to get out of this situation; and I admire the gentle and kind way in which you are doing it. Best wishes to you and yours!
2007-08-27 13:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was engaged to a guy once and it was 2 weeks before the wedding where I realized this is not what I wanted. I told him and I didn't care if he was upset because I knew he would eventually find someone but for me, I am married to the guy of my dreams and I am having his baby. You see it all works out in the end
2007-08-27 13:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to break it off! It's not fair to you or him. I was in a situation similar to this, and the man I am speaking about is now my fiance. But at one point in our relationship, it was just not working any more. Tell him you just need to have your "you" time. We broke up for 4 months and then jointly decided to get back together. We are now engaged and are planning a wedding for next October. Who knows, this may happen to you. But just let him know that right now it isn't right~!
2007-08-27 13:20:45 · answer #5 · answered by mally_pie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You best option would be to talk to him alone and just tell him you don't think marriage would be a good idea. This will hurt him less now than it would several years into the marriage.
The phrases "I couldn't live without you" or "I wouldn't know what to do without you" are warning signs--avoid this person at all cost.
2007-08-27 13:10:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just say.....that while I care for you I don't think we should get married. I see too many complications and marriage is too important to me to take a chance that it may not work.
He will be fine....maybe not at first.....but this is the best thing for him too.
I congratulate you for being mature enough to see that this wouldn't work for you. Some people would do it anyway or try to fix it.
2007-08-27 13:06:11 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who do you love more? Him or You! Why should his happiness and well being be your responsibility. The only thing you can do is be truthful and allow him the opportunity to find his someone special since it is obviously not you! Clear the air, he'll live through it and learn from it. Plus, you owe yourself the chance for true happiness.
2007-08-27 13:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by solomonfever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to break his heart now than wait `til after the wedding.
Sit down with him, have a talk, tell him that you are not ready to marry yet and give him his ring back.
2007-08-27 13:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you care about this person your engaged to. But you have to think of yourself too. Could you be happy living a lie? I think you should tell him how you feel no matter how much it hurts you to hurt his feelings. Or you could just have an affair with me I'm sure that would end the engagement.
2007-08-27 13:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by ducksixty8 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋