About 6 weeks ago (at 11 weeks pregnant) my husband went threw this stage where he wasn’t sure if he was ready for the role of "daddy" and took the weekend to himself to think about things. After 3 days apart, he came home, said he was ready to be a daddy and we have been fine ever since. Well, this past weekend he has been acting the exact same as right before he blew up and left last time. We actually got into a fight Friday, Sat and last night. I thought this was something men just go threw before they become fathers, but I’m really starting to wonder. And as my mom put it "one breakdown is understandable, but husbands shouldn’t be needing continuous breaks from their pregnant wife" and I agree with her. He said Sat night that he can’t seem to have any fun around me anymore because all I want to do is relax and sleep. I told him being pregnant drains everything out of me and he said that was just an excuse. Your opinion... what in the world is going on? Please only serious answers.
2007-08-27 05:34:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When he leaves he goes over to my brothers house and they drink all weekend. That was one of the things he brought up to me... I dont like to go party anymore and just because I dont, doesnt me he doesnt. I told him I understood and if he wanted to go party then to just give me a call when he wants me to come get him (so he doesnt drive drunk). Im just so confused.
2007-08-27 05:48:20 · update #1
Last time he left, my dad invited him over and they drank some beers and talked about what was going on. From what I understand is just that he was scared and didnt know how to deal with being a "father" instead of a husband. Being a husband he could still go out and do things, being a father he has other responsibilities first.
2007-08-27 05:52:09 · update #2
He has gone to all appointments with me. He has been there for all ultrasounds and to hear the heart beat. As for the relationship with his father... growing up his dad was physically abusive. He didnt really start standing up to his dad until I got in the picture and stood up to his dad for him. His dad hit him over the head with a phone a few months before we got married and I told his dad if he ever laid a finger on my hubby again, I would personally see to him going to jail. Things have been fine between them since. They even talk like father and son now.
2007-08-27 05:57:31 · update #3
I think he needs to talk to you about how he is feeling. My husband was terrified of becoming a father. He never just ran off to go drink. He stayed home we talked about what was going on and how he was feeling. We worked it out together. I would be careful with all his partying he could develop a drinking problem very quickly. When you get into your second trimester you should have more energy. I would suggest to him that you guys go to dinner and a movie or go do something fun. Make sure you are eating healthy so you have more energy to do things with him. He may be feeling like you don't want to have any fun since you got pregnant. I have 3 children and I always tried to make sure that we went out and had fun no matter how tired I was. Even if I had to push myself to do it if I was tired. Try that and see if it works. Good luck and congratulations on the baby.
2007-08-27 06:00:24 · answer #1 · answered by Dani&Morgan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His behavior sounds very suspicious and I would keep a close eye on him. If he takes off again maybe someone you trust could follow him and see if he is up to something? He has stated that he doesn't have fun around you anymore.Well life is going to change for him once he becomes a father and has to include this baby into his activities in life. Pregnancy takes a lot out of a woman physically and he does not seem to realize that. If he is having some problems in his life and there is arguing going on ...you do not need this stress. Maybe you should consider getting some marriage counseling with him and find out what is troubling him? It couldn't hurt and maybe someone could help him see things differently? I would not accept him going away from me to sort out his issues he is running from something and should stay with you to face them. This should be the happiest time of your lives anticipating the arrival of the child you created together. I would find someone that the both of you could talk to and ask him to work with you on this. Take care and best wishes.
2007-08-27 13:02:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has some real maturity issues. He sees this father thing and a yoke that will make his life change and he does not like it. He needs to grow up. But, you can not do that for him. He needs to do it. I would not fight with him. Just state the facts.
1. You are pregnant with his child.
2. You are 17 weeks into a 39 week pregnancy
3. It will be difficult to raise the child but it is what you and he need to do.
4. Two babies in the house is one too many.
Good luck!
2007-08-27 12:51:00 · answer #3 · answered by Willie J 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is realizing how much responsibilities he's going to have as a father, and the immature side of him is fighting it - wanting to remain free. This is sad to hear for a first time father because it's usually a momentous and happy event for them. This man does not sound ready by any means.
2007-08-27 13:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like he may be an alcoholic. Whatever you do, do not enable him! Going to pick him up is in fact enabling him. been there done that honey, and trust me...it isn't a life that you want to be bringing a baby up in anyway. Buy the book "what to expect when expecting" And it has a "Daddy" section as well. I have a feeling the two of you can meet in the middle somewhere.
2007-08-27 12:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I am not him, I dont know what he is really thinking. I would assume, by your words here that he does not like the fact that your body is changing with pregnancy.You need to talk to him more about it. Does he go to the Drs with you? If not maybe he should. A good book to get is what to expect when your expecting, it explains all of the stages of pregnancy. Maybe this will help him understand better. Best of luck to you my dear, I will keep you in my prayers.
2007-08-27 12:48:58 · answer #6 · answered by charm_link 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Educate him. He needs to know what the expectations are before, during, and after pregnancy. Something that should have been done before you got pregnant. Like most folks, he jumped in blind. Sounds like times are going to be rough for you, and that sucks, because you don't need that kind of stress while pregnant. Like I said, I think your best bet is to try and educate him. Maybe it will work and then maybe it won't. Good Luck!!!
2007-08-27 12:57:36 · answer #7 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's afraid he has to grow up. It sounds like you've let him behave like a child. Sorry, it's probably not going to get any better before the baby's born. Maybe afterwards he'll grow up. Either way, he'll only treat you the way you allow him to. Tell him the next time he leaves like that he shouldn't make plans to come back. Stick with it, he'll realize he's been treating you poorly and will either stop, or you should take it as a sign that you're not meant to be together.
2007-08-27 12:57:17 · answer #8 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is screwing around on you.....it is bullchit that he needs to think about if he is ready to be a daddy....If he is willing to have sex with you he should be prepared to be a dad. Hon...I don't know any man that has to go though this mumble jumble bullchit before becoming a father. He has no sympathy at all for you....I have been pregnant 4 times and it does drain you...especially the first 3 months.
2007-08-27 12:44:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I like to believe the best in people, so I'm reluctant to say that your husband is doing anything behind your back.
What kind of childhood did he have? Is he in a good relationship with his father? He could just be extremely nervous.
And tell him that you're responding like my wife did with both of our prengnancies. You aren't his toy to be played with at his disposal. He should be respectful of your situation and hopefully excited about the prospect of becoming a dad.
I'm not sure about your religious/spiritual background, but our church went through a dvd devotional by Pastor Robert Lewis called Men's Fraternity. It might be helpful to him to go through it. It definitely helped me become a better husband and father.
If he needs another guy to talk to, I'm available via email or IM.
Take care.
2007-08-27 12:46:20 · answer #10 · answered by samans442 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋