I have been with my bf for 2 years. He says he wants to marry me but (1) he wants to feel like we are both on the same level (I am a lawyer and he is just starting his career) (2) my family doesn't like him and (3) he thinks i'm overly jealous (i hate this girl who is his friend and wanted him to stop talking to her). Inspite of these things we love each other and its a good relationship. Shouldn't he know already that he wants to marry and ask me already. I am 27 goig on 28.
2007-08-27 05:19:29 · 12 answers · asked by honeyluv_2010 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've got the rest of your lives to be together, so why rush it?
1) he's right 2) you need to work on that before you marry someone 3) you're right. sorry, men and women shouldn't be friends when you're married.
Compromise on these things. He might be willing to stop talking to the other chick if your family comes around & if your careers are on the right track.
Men just need their own time and space to make decisions like this. You'll be fine - it sounds like you've got a nice guy. You're lucky, they're not all that way.
2007-08-27 05:27:32 · answer #1 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, your boyfriend has some valid reasons for hesitating to ask you. While the reasons he gives may sound like small matters now, they have the potential to become big problems down the road.
1. Most men feel better if they are on the same level career wise as their spouse.
2. If your family doesn't like him after 2 years, there is a possibility they might never like him. Why don't they like him is a question you should pursue. Do they have valid reasons?
3. Jealousy over your husbands friends can definitely be a deal breaker. He should not have to give up communicating with his friends in order to make you happy.
2007-08-27 12:36:27 · answer #2 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a person looks long enough, they can find something wrong with anyone in the world. It sounds like he is choosing to focus on the negatives and not focusing on the positives. In the end if he keeps this up, he will talk himself out of marrying you. I can't tell you how he feels right now, but it looks like he's really trying to find reasons not to be married to you. He should be proud of you for what you have accomplished and not care what family thinks. You aren't marrying family, you're marrying each other.
2007-08-27 12:30:32 · answer #3 · answered by Sassie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Lawyer? It`s obvious that you are, given the grade 10 level you are asking this question at.
Truth be told, If you are a *lawyer* , he could ask you to not talk to any male clients for fear that you may get involved with them. You are not ready to be married.
Sounds like you are about 16 y/o and you are in high school. Tell the truth. Then again, If you are or are going to be a lawyer, why not lie anyways? They all do.
2007-08-27 12:31:41 · answer #4 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on what you said, I think your lucky he's still in the same ball park. His future inlaws don't approve of him, so whenever you two have a spat you've got a guaranteed sympathetic ear. Your trying to alienate his friends (read control his associations) and he doesn't have an establish career to give him some independent status. It sounds to me like you want to be in control. At the very least he's not likely to feel like he has much control. If I were him I would take my time till it was clear that you and I could negotiate life's issues as peers. Everything from your side sounds like he's at the bottom of the stick and its stuck in the mud. If you want him you need to be building his importance and ensuring mom and dad will care about him as much as they do you, or that they don't have access to either of you regularly. I would not want to be in a position where my in laws could say to their daughter that my interest in her was primarily because she provided for me. Right now not much of his male needs are being met by your side--other than perhaps in the bedroom--and few men can stand the prospects of a future life with that inequity made permanent. Focus on treating him like an equal and he's more likely to move toward matrimony. (Would you stop seeing your parents? Your friends? Then you don't have much basis to critique his.)
2007-08-27 12:49:01 · answer #5 · answered by Orv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he sees your insecurities and is waiting for you to grow up a bit. Why should he marry an self proclaimed jealous person, it will only cause him headache in the future. Will you always be accusing him of cheating? I think you need to figure out why you are so jealous and deal with that before you marry anyone.
2007-08-27 12:28:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love him? Even though he beneath you on the ladder to success? Even though he doesn't measure up to your family? Even though you want to deny him his friendships based solely on gender?
Lady, stick to being a lawyer and stop cutting this poor man's gonads off! Maybe he will find someone who will have a little respect for him.
Love or not, he should run in the opposite direction now, while he still has half a chance to maintain his manhood!
2007-08-27 12:29:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should maybe finances are to be consider if he's not willing to let you know his reservations then end it now or it'll hurt worse later on. He may just want to get his career a little more settled and if your family doesn't like him have you ever ask them why. I assume it's more than your parents that don't like him possibly they've seen him in an awkard position.
2007-08-27 12:30:21 · answer #8 · answered by justus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound immature for a 27 year old lawyer! Why should he not talk to his friend? Do you hate her just because she is his friend - that's not a good enough reason.
2007-08-27 12:25:53 · answer #9 · answered by Caroline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it will never work because he will always be 'below' you. saying he wants to be on the same level is his way of saying no. it is called stalling. why doesnt your family like him? and the jealousy thing is just silly. he does know about marrying you, he knows he is never going to
2007-08-27 12:49:20 · answer #10 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋