What can i do about my aggressive friend??

Question

My friend and i have been great friends for 18 years.

For the past few years i have noticed that when we go out for an evening and alcohol is involved she gets very aggressive towards men and can be quite nasty with her comments towards them. She is also very difficult to have a conversation with, if she doesn;t want to answer something.... then we just get a "whatever" or "am i bothered".

It is very frustrating.

Myself and another friend have tried to broach the subject with her.... but just get the above answer!!

Please help...We are worried that her attitude will land her in trouble.

We are in our late 20's!!

Thank you so much to everyone who has answered... it is great to get an outsiders prospective...

I have attempted to talk to her about it when sober.... She denied there was a problem..

I don't drink alcohol that much anymore. Prefer to not have a hangover!!

Answer 1

Ok well it could be the impact of alchohol combined with stress- try visiting her during a non-alchoholic involved meeting and chat with her about it and be friendly. I understand that it may frustrate you but if she seems stressed try talking to her about it slowly and calmly.
Good luck!!

Chanelle
xx

Answer 2

It is a shame that your friend is behaving this way. especially as your friendship goes back a long way. Your have been a good friend indeed to stick with it this long.

I think your friend may be in trouble more ways than one. She is developing a serious drink problem on top of the fact that she may have had a bad experience of some sort with a male. She may well be telling you that there is nothing wrong when she is sober. This could be because she does not wish to talk about it. You are going to have to be blunt with her and describe her behaviour when she is like this. Tell her that you don't feel safe with her in that state and are really worried about her, that she will not listen to reason when she is in that state. Tell her straight that a "whatever" or "who cares" will not wash with you this time.
I know this sound bad, but if she is close to her Mum or she has a sister she is close to. I would enlist their help too, if you can't get anywhere with her.
Don't give up on her, just be careful.

I do hope things work out for your friend and for you too.

Answer 3

Well your friend is unwilling to face that too much alcohol is not a good thing...and sometimes really changes a person's personality....I had an uncle who got fighting mad every time he drank...he was in the navy and he kept getting beat up when he started the fights. He was finally "cured" when he ended up with a broken jaw, wired shut for a number of months. He realize he just couldn't drink, because he was afraid the next time he would end up killed ! From that day on, he never drank again.

Your friend should quit..and if you care about her, refuse to drink with her. She may have to learn the hard way...but don't be a part of it!

Answer 4

Sounds like your friend might not be able to handle her alcohol, if it make her asressive, she probably should not drink. Most people with an alcohol problem are in denial and thinks nothing is wrong.If she won't talk about it when she is sober, tell her until she gets grip on herself, you will not be going out drinking with her anymore. If she values your friendship, maby this will make her step back and take a look at herself.

Answer 5

Some people are a nightmare when drunk ( I am) and some are just a nightmare in general.
Your friend sounds like she has some serious issues that need addressing before she can be happy. But as the old cliche goes, the lightbulb has to want to change!
If she doesn't want to change, you'll have to accept her for who she is or call time on the friendship.

Answer 6

she obviously has underlying issues with herself and with men, that become obvious once she has a few drinks. you need to speak to her when she's sober about her destructive behaviour and how it is affecting her friends as well as herself. ask h er why she feels this way about men as possibly she has been bottling up some bad feelings. try to help her deal with it, and also ask her to cut back on the alcohol when you go out. arrange some nights out without alcohol and spend the time chatting too. i do this more as i get older. i t's a more 'real ' way to interact with friends too. you don't need alcohol all the time to have a good time and it will also give your firend a chance to discuss what's going on deep down, for real.

Answer 7

Alcohol has this effect on some people. Also, some drinks are worst than others. Maybe if she changed drinks it might help. If not, she'd be better off sticking to non alcoholic drinks, but it sounds as though it's bothering you more than her.

Answer 8

I think your friend has something that's bothering her and it's showing in her change of behaviour when she's had a few drinks. Can you chat to her about how things are in general and maybe get a hint from that?

Answer 9

I don't know if you are aware of it or not but, there is a medical condition similar to and in reference to the brain, that causes violent and negative behavior when alchol is induced. she may be one of many people who are unable to consume any alcoholic beverages. check with your doctor and ask him to pinpoint this condition for you. if this isn't the case, your friend has some deep seated issues that only a psycho therapist can get to the bottom of, and help her to sought out. the only problem is,she will have to decide for herself to want this help. and to seek it. if you can't convince her to do it. I'm afraid your relationship is loss.

Answer 10

best thing to do is def approach her when she s sober ! Tell her whats she s doing when shes drunk, if she cant accept it then she doesnt want to change and i think your friendship will have to come to an end - it will only end up with you and your other friend getting into trouble!! Had a friend like that myself !!