This is primarily for women who have been married a long time. I love my hubby of 18 yrs., but sometimes I just plain dislike him. Is this part of a regular marriage?
2007-08-27 04:22:22 · 19 answers · asked by Jen2U 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Regular? Maybe. Healthy? No.
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 05:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 15 years, and it can be. It usually happens when you get frustrated with each other and instead of communicating rationally about it, you bottle it up or argue about things. It seems you are able to appreciate each other more when you are kind and loving to one another. You always wish it will be like it was when you were young and dating, but it just does not seem to stay that way. I think we all get comfortable with each other and go through the motions. Hope this help. Good luck!!
2007-08-27 04:33:12 · answer #2 · answered by D TRAIN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. You've been with him long enough to know just how horrible he is. LOL Yes, it's normal to feel that way. I don't even have 8 years (Sept. 3rd) with this hubby (2nd) and sometimes I feel like aliens came in, beamed up the guy I married, and left this "thing" in his place. It's normal, but that's the thing about true love. You can not "like" someone sometimes, and totally love them undeniably. Hang in there.
2007-08-27 04:27:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i totally agree with you .Have been married for a decade now. A minute ago i was hating his being spineless in front of his parents whenever they blame me wrongly. i wish he would get up and take a stand instead of yelling at me in private about them being his parents . Fine , so ? it doesnt mean they have a God-given right to mock me . In other things we co-exist peacefully but this thing which happens every once in 3 months really gets my goat. Others tell me it happens with them also and its very normal. Im sure our spouses also dislike us a lot at certain times. As long as we dont show it , such moments will pass us by
2007-08-27 04:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by smashingdelite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate is a VERY strong word! If you hate him ever then you have a SERIOUS problem maybe the marrige isdn't good for you and him! SOmetimes you will get into fights or dislike each other but never hate!
2007-08-27 04:34:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hate is a very strong word
and you have been married 18 years so I am sure there has been some good times
I am married and at times I find frustrating annoying pest is probably it
but think about this the grass is not always greener on the other side
2007-08-27 04:37:26 · answer #6 · answered by Jeni W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes and been married for 18 years (felt annoyed but not hate for the past 16 plus years) until late last year, found out that he had been texting with another married woman made me HATE him
2007-08-27 04:35:37 · answer #7 · answered by Charlyn Lim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HA! I hear marriage is about falling in and out of love over the course of it. The problem is when both people fall out of love at the same time.
2007-08-27 04:48:09 · answer #8 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband put on a pair of my jeans the other day, it was hilarious. If you're joking around its fine, but if my husband seriously wanted to wear my clothes I'd be a little worried.
2016-05-19 01:35:06 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never HATED him but I've dis-liked him many,many, many times. And then he redeems himself and finds some crazy way to make me fall in love with him all over again! I know I've driven him crazy and returned the favor though. Relationships and love are funny like that I guess. LOL
2007-08-27 04:27:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋