Who else is sick of having their relationships on their partner's terms, and not theirs? I am so tired of it - it is what, when, how, and where HE wants - why can't it be my turn?
I don't know what to do anymore. He is a really great guy 80% of the time - everything I could want in a partner. Then, he will turn around and be completely inconsiderate, even rude to me - wanting everything his way - and not caring how I feel about it. It is good to have your needs met, but it seems like his needs are the only ones he considers - not mine, at all.
I don't know what to do - I do want to be with him, but how do I make these terms more equitable? How can I stand up for and get what I want out of this?
Here is a more concrete example. We spent the night Fri. and day through early evening together on Sat. He was awesome - absolutely great. Sat. night he went to a party (guys only) at his friend's house, and was supposed to call me on Sun. to get together Sun. evening.
2007-08-27 02:57:25 · 21 answers · asked by HooliganGrrl 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He told me that he wanted to get together, so I assumed he did -call me crazy. I didn't hear from him all day on Sun., so at 6:30 I finally called him - he was out playing golf with his buddy, and said that he would be busy the rest of the night. He also told me he would call me when he got home, which he never did.
How would you react to this?
2007-08-27 02:58:45 · update #1
BTW - we have been together 6 months, and are both in our mid-twenties.
2007-08-27 03:06:54 · update #2
Not calling you to change the plan was irresponsible and inconsiderate. You set firm boundaries.. by setting firm boundaries. Nagging with no consequence does nothing.
You decide your boundaries.. and stick with them. If he doesn't like it.. he can move on. If you allow this behavior now.. it will get worse.
2007-08-27 03:35:28 · answer #1 · answered by Bentley 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I know that you care about him but this is ridiculous. He is totally inconsiderate of your feelings. Think about this- I know relationships have to be worked on but when things don't flow back and forth a power struggle develops. You start to "nag" (his description) he starts to back off more. I always say that love is like 2 people on a see saw - sometimes you can be up and sometimes down. BUT if one person is always up and the other down there is a problem. With true love where people give and take, the see saw is balanced pretty much of the time. Don't let anyone treat you like this - talk to him and see what you could work out. It sounds like he is just one of those guys that wants his cake and to eat it too. You sound more dedicated to the relationship than he is - so I would really be careful.
2007-08-27 10:24:11 · answer #2 · answered by Babycat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jess, I'm a little worried about you based on a series of questions you've asked (concerning his behavior, marriage, etc.) It sounds like you're way more invested in this relationship than he is, and you are coming away with a lot of heartache.
I'm firmly of the school of thought that you take your partner "as-is". I know you care for him, but if 80-20 isn't working for you (and by the way - it wouldn't work for me), then it may be time to cut your losses and move on. I guarantee you that there is someone else out there who will be on the same page as you, and you won't have to beg, cajole, nag, or manipulate to get him to be. Good luck.
2007-08-27 12:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Compromise is a fine thing if it is practiced by both parties in the relationship. Tell him how you feel - see what his response is. Maybe 80% is all he is worthy of. You should be able to allow him some time of his own and you should be indulging in the same. His only mistake this past weekend was telling you he would call and then not doing so. You should make sure he knows how you feel and see if he tries to make improvements. Speak up.
2007-08-27 11:00:18 · answer #4 · answered by slave2art 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to state it plan and simple, not nagging but just tell him.
Using your example, it probably would have been wise for you just to say. It's ok for you to play golf with your friends, but I deserve the respect of a phone call. I made myself available for you because you asked me to, if you can't make yourself available for me than I should at least get a phone call so I can make other plans. Next time I will not be so patient as I sit around and wait. It really is as simple as that.
It might take a few reminders and comments like that before he gets it. But he should, remember he is not a mind reader, and doesn't know what you want unless you tell him.
2007-08-27 10:08:49 · answer #5 · answered by jlcjills 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm....
As a guy in a relationship that's been rocky at times I can tell you that the best advice I ever received is this: It takes two people to make a relationship difficult and only one of those two to make it better, which will you be?
It took me a long time to truly understand what that meant and what I know now about my relationship is that I give in about 98.5% of the time. (Though, if you ask my Wife, it's more like 0.675% of the time). The point is this: It's never give-take when you want it to be give-take.
Sometimes you just have to ask yourself is the sacrifices you're going to make going to be worth it in the long run, because you WILL sacrifice....
2007-08-27 13:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well all I can say is good thing you arent married cause I think this would be grounds for divorce in most cases. Believe me if this is how he acts now that he thinks he has it made with you being part of his life all the time except when his buddys come around he isnt going to change better you find out now.
Good luck with the new b/f hunt
2007-08-27 10:05:15 · answer #7 · answered by dave n 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You just said that he's a great guy 80% of the time. What do you want, perfection? If he is that great that often, then you have nothing to complain about. My ex was 80% horrible and 20% good, so that's why he's my ex!
2007-08-27 10:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by Sassie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is going to do what he wants and have you sit by and wait and hes getting that. when he goes out ,go out too with your friends or just go for a walk or see a movie. dont call him at all. tell him you give up and your going to spend time else where. maybe then he will see that hes not doing right, f not then you now where you stand and you need to find a more caring man.
2007-08-27 10:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like the beginning of the end. I say leave him now before it gets serious & you get your heart broken when his little no call backs become normal, then you fight about it, then he will not change. 6 months is about the time true colors can start to show...and the comfort level for him goes up.
2007-08-27 10:30:09 · answer #10 · answered by Becky A 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋