How would you cope with no sex in marriage?

Question

I am an attractive 28 yr-old woman, married for 2 years. Due to my husband's health, he can't have sex with me. I am dying inside as I love having sex alot even more than once a day. But we haven't had it for almost one year, and before that it was once every month. This problem is killing me, I have a very high libido, and I just can't take it anymore. He has consulted with a doctor and he is due to have an operation in the next 6 months. His problem is Sleep Apnea, where he can't take enough sleep, always tired, sleepy, and he can't breat through his nose. His breathing also stops for a few moments during sleep evey 10 minutes. It's very dangerous, but he is not helping it either. He is very obese and also smokes. He says because he is always tired, he can't even do any excercise. I am still not sure if Sleep Apnea can make you disable to have sex, as I think with the right libido, you can motivate yourself even if you're tired. What do you think?

He is also very depressed and doesn't like adventure. It's just impossible to talk to him or motivate him. I am a very fond of Anthony Robins and all those self-improvement ideas. I am very energetic, active, social and highly motivated. I've tried to help him getting over his depression by arranging councling meetings which he doesn't attend, arranging day outs, which he is not interested, gave him alot of motivation and tried to make him interested in life in general, but he just gives me the look , whenever I try to make our boring life , exciting, and he goes back to his old videos and enjoys his only interest "repetitive movies" and sleeps in front of them. Whenver I try to bring up a health conversation ,he shuts down and doesn't even look at me in the eyes. I feel like all the doors are closed in having any conversation with him. I just want a way out, I feel like this marriage is killing all my desires and energy inside and I don't want to end up being like him! Your ideas?

Answer 1

Your problems are way beyond a lack of sex. It sounds like you need to give hubby an ultimatum. Either get himself to the doctor and start a diet, get on an exercise regimine, get treatment for his Apnea, as well as his depression... or you are out the door. You have to draw a line. Because YOUR health and well being is suffering as a result. Make the doctor appointment for him, drive him there. Tell him you're not taking no for an answer. If he resists, then you need to cut the ties. Nobody likes divorce, but life is too damn short to be so miserable. You owe it to yourself to live the best life you can.

Answer 2

Its a very serious condition and tiredness REALLY does affect, not only libido, but self confidence and probably err, 'performance anxiety' as well. Sorry, I didn't quite know how to word that.
I can't be easy on either of you but you can work it out. I don't want to be crude but you could buy some toys and use them with your husband, make him a part of the experience. it will ease the libido dragon and give both of you back that physical closeness and emotional intimacy you have been missing. If I were in your shoes, i think i'd sit hubby down for a chat, then perhaps sit down together at the computer and go toy shopping.
if he is really tired he could merely observe the proceedings, making him feel desired and make you feel more fuffilled.

Answer 3

i really feel for you. here u are young, sexual and energetic, married to a man who is using a condition brought on by obesity to get off having sex. sleep apnea has nothing to do with sexual ability but he is too obese to move and thats a real issue. he needs to lose the weight in order to be agile once more. u have only been married 2 years. did the weight all come on in the last year? what are u feeding him girl, or does he have a health issue that caused the weight to pile up?

tell your husband how u feel and both of u need to have a serious talk with ur GP. after only 2 yrs am sure u still have enough love for each other to sit and talk things out. the guy needs to lose weight and u need a vibrator

Answer 4

Smoking, obesity, eating to much, drinking, older age all this can cause lack of sex drive. The sleep apnea is just another thing. He's got many issues besides that. I would be more upset over his health than anything. With good health will come a good sex drive. He's gotta lose 20 to 50 pounds and maybe you should lose a little to, it will make you more desirable to him.
Try rubbing oils all over yourself and giving him a nice grinding lap dance that always works for me lol.
PS- he is probably so lazy and tired you are nothing but another chore and work. You will be doing him a favor.

Answer 5

hello. i feel very sorry for you at 28 you should be at it night and day , its very hard to cope with when you love some body so much you don't want to go else where but you need some sort of satisfaction there is the obvious daily solution but after a while its still no Good alone you need to be satisfied sexually , i do know what your going through first hand but wont go into that on line , but think if your hubby can deal with 1 thing at time IE first give up the smoke. eat better and loose weight he will feel a lot better in himself . and get medical attention for other problem s, if he dose not then i think at some point in the future you will stray you probably don't want to but your need may take over your mind if you would like to talk more please contact me ia am happy to help you talking might help you cope better i wish you good luck to you with your dilemma and your hubby gets better soon and you both work things out

Answer 6

Intimacy is a very important part of marriage. It is the ultimate expression of ones deep love and tender affection for their mate. Even being a man myself, at 44 years of age and married, intimacy is still very important to me. I enjoy intimacy more than once a day too. I have a brother who has sleep apnea by the way. I've never heard my sister-in-law complaining about their intimate moments. So, personally speaking, I would have a tough time being married and not being intimate with my wife. She's a wonderful woman and there's not much I wouldn't do to satisfy her every intimate desire and cravings.

Answer 7

Ok, sleep apnea can be cured - I had it. He either needs a c-pap machine if it is one type of apnea. Mine was cured with having my tonsils and adenoids removed. That should cure the sleep apnea problem - I was amazed! The apnea keeps him from exercising, makes him always sleepy but he doesn't rest. It is very treatable. Please - make him see a ENT doctor. Then a sleep study. They will figure out what is best. Promise him lots of sex and even save for a weekend away - and wear him out after he is better! We want to hear the results! Good luck. Oh, if he refuses treatment - divorce him because he is going to die anyway - apnea contributes big time to heart disease.

Answer 8

I agree with dore and stephen,
I have sleeping disorder and it doesn't affect my sexual energy AND I'm 45y/o. I have more sex drive now than ever. I had the same problem with my wife, we are now separated. I suggested that she allow me to become a 'swinger', then we could stay married with her enjoying the expensive lifestyle that she did. She didn't like the idea of me getting together with other women, even though she and I were down to once a month or longer.
I now have a GF who wants to make love with me at least once a day. Keeping it erect is not a problem, don't need Viagra. I have discovered toys and lot's of stimulating ways for making sex enjoyable. Ex thinks I'm a freak, I don't care.

Good Luck

Answer 9

it is very difficult and i know what what you mean i have been married for 17 years and my husband went off sex when we had our son which is now 12 it went from once a months to 2 months to 3/4/5/6 and then it has been 18 months you learn to live with it, i have been very frustrated about it for years and i am really fed up. or get your self out and get some one who can fill the gap. which you really dont want to do. Put him on a diet and stop him smoking, and get him doing something or tell him you will have to find a friend to fill your gap.

Answer 10

I hate to be the bear of bad news it over move on get some one that would make you happy .Its just like my wife ever blue moon I could do it 3 or 4 times a day but all people are different. so if you want sex every time you wanted you need to find some one or you need to let the fingers do the walking