what do you think of this poem?

Question

Granite sky
raised by ravens white.
Daybreak is a jail.
Illusion the harmonious reason - -
nocturnal passing rose river
muced. ty

for all you stupid idiots out there that cant understand my poem i will tell you. It tells you that i am depressed there i said it in English.

Answer 1

At the risk of getting my head bit off, here is what I see: The granite sky is fine, shows the weight of something hanging over head...depression, I get it. "Raised by ravens white"...well, it has an archaic sense to it, but then so did Yoda when he said "found someone you have". Inverting word order needs to be done carefully. I'm not saying you did it poorly, only that the line would have also worked as "raised by white ravens", because you not only would have maintained the "raised ravens" aliteration, but you would have had the additional "by white" aliteration as well. Just a suggestion.
"Daybreak is a jail", okay...let's look at this one...you're not saying that "day" is a jail, only that the break of day is a jail...but daybreak also has transience, so either it traps something temporarily, or the metaphor isn't clear. Next, "Illusion the harmonious reason"...no punctuation, so it's difficult to see if you meant "Illusion, the...." or if you meant to use "illusion" as a make-shift verb. Punctuation is important to meaning. Also, do you mean that illusion = harmonious reason, or are you going on to define "what" illusion is in this poem? Next line, "nocturnal passing rose river"...again, are you missing punctuation? If not, the sentence is nonsensical. Go ahead, get angry if you like, but there it is. Is "rose" a color, or the past tense of "to rise". Finally, what is "muced"?

Poetry is meant to communicate...if your audience does not understand your images or what you are trying to convey, then you either have the wrong audience or you've failed to properly communicate in your poem. It's like yelling at someone because they can't understand your telephone conversation because of the static. If your topic is so obscure that "nobody gets it", then just accept it and thank them for trying (if you have to say anything at all). If you want to provide amplification or background to your poem, do so, but don't be mean about it. You asked "us" to read your poem, not the other way around.

keep writing

Answer 2

I think there are some clear hints that you are depressed... Indeed if i try to put myself in your shoes and see the daybreak as a jail, the color of the sky compared to granite... well yes it does bring up a somewhat unexplained feeling of sadness deep inside... At least this is how i perceive things. But i hope you will get over it because even though this is cliche, there is always a sun behind the clouds.

Answer 3

I think granite and ravens are very original. Harmonius reason could be used well but it doesn't seem to fit well in this poem, and i think rose is unneccesary. I think its is very good though, and it has a haiku sorta feeling although it isn't. good job.

Answer 4

Your poem is very good. You have written very creative words. You poem is short but creative. It will be great if you can add some more stanzas with your feelings. But it's good in this way too.

Answer 5

i really do understand what it is. and i wouldn't call anyone a fool for not understanding it. i think, some part of you has to have been gone through that emotion to understand what articulate words are spoken.

Answer 6

It's a bit too short doesn't get you to think at all.

Answer 7

It has lots of imagery, but I don't believe I understand it..

Answer 8

i think its a really good poem.

Answer 9

you are the stupid idiot if you cant make yourself understood