I have a 12 year old that has never knowen her real dad .he left us since she was 4months old .i remarried when she was 10 months old so she belives he is her father .after 12 years her real blood father shows up and tells her his her dad .i told her it wasnt true .what should i do ..tell her ? or not .legal wise what do i do ? someone help me
2007-08-26 17:21:27 · 17 answers · asked by maricusa143 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he may be a piece of crap but she still has the right to know let her judge him tell her all the facts good and bad
2007-08-26 17:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by shck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While he may have behaved badly, and I really wonder why he was not paying child support, or why you didn't seek it, he is her father. You needed to address this 10 years ago, and file for abandonment and have your husband adopt her. It would have settled the question of who her real father is.
Has he paid child support, and just not bothered to see her? She will ask these questions, and it is her right, not yours, to decide whether she wishes to allow him to get to know her. You can limit the scope of visitation at first by going to court and setting up a schedule - that will also test the seriousness of his intentions - and then monitor it from there.
You owe her the truth. This is not about you, your ex, or her stepfather. It's about being honest with your child, and allowing her to have a little choice in her life. She doesn't need tons of choice, of course, but she should be given the right to be involved in this situation.
You don't mention why he was absent for so long, whether it was his choice, yours, or mutual. Or whether he paid child support. Regardless, you need to be honest with her now. This can change your relationship with her forever, so make it a positive change. Try not to bash her father too much either - if he is a jerk, she'll figure it out pretty quick.
Good luck to you.
2007-08-26 17:50:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lili Montegue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blood is thicker than water. Your child had the right to know the truth who her real dad is. talk to her privately and explain the circumstance surrounding her. If you don't such a quiz would be lingering in her mind and she will eventually demand to know the truth. After that if you are surely convinced that he is actuall the true father, meaning you never slept with someone else around the time you got pregnant with her, get the DNA and let them develop there relationship.
2007-08-26 17:32:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely you are being represented by someone with legal skills at the tribunal? you should ask them if, in their opinion, the amount you are being offered fro an out of court settlement is reasonable, or whether you would get more by going to the tribunal. The problem with these sort of injuries is that they often have lasting effects which can become worse as you get older. Once you have signed to a full and final settlement there is nothing more you can do.
2016-05-18 23:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by cecile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know u are upset.. calm down
asap.. take her out to eat.. and over dinner..
tell her the truth from the beginning..
she is old enough .. and she needs to hear it from u and no one else
she will remember this the rest of her life
this is important...
do it asap
she has to know the Truth.... then if the step dad wants to sit and talk with the 2 of u.. then u need to go get dessert
and chat some more.
she needs to know all these years step dad loves her tooo..
first u.. then step dad... not as a couple...
good luck....
u are the mom and u must not lie any more...
u do not want to loose her love or respect..
2007-08-26 17:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. Don't bad mouth dad, (she'll question him about why he took so long to find her...). Legal wise, you have to obey the court order, or have it modified. For instance, if he has visitation rights, you have to make a reasonable effort to comply. But given that dad is a virtual stranger to your dtr, I'd contact an attorney ASAP and have the visitation modified to supervised visits only until he's proven he's not gonna run off again...
2007-08-26 17:30:58 · answer #6 · answered by Linda S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit your daughter down and tell her the truth. He IS her biological father and she has the right to know that. You have done her no good by telling her that it isn't true, in fact you have probably done more damage than he could ever do by lying to her. What would ever possess you to lie to your daughter like that? If he wants he CAN subpoena a DNA test and PROVE that he is her biological father would you want to put her throught THAT?
2007-08-26 18:09:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to lie to that child. What is that teaching her?
He has every right to get a paternity test - and prove to her he truly is her father...then what happens to you and your daughter's relationship? She will never trust you again.
You should have filed for abandonment & had your husband adopt her when you had the chance, now it is too late. The real dad wants to get to know his daughter - and if he is serious about it - he has rights.
You need to sit down with a huge peice of humble pie and explain to your daugther the truth, and why you lied. It is HER choice if she wants to get to know her real father. She may need counseling to deal with this huge change and shock in her life.
2007-08-26 17:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well why have you not tried to collect child support from him? I suggest that you use a ruse to find out his contact information and then contact the authorities to push for child support. He would be forced to pay back support. Regarding what you should tell your child, TELL HER THE TRUTH. Ask her if she loves a stranger who has her DNA or the man who loved and supported her all these years. Tell her that this man is not the one you love. Tell her that the man I love is your father who comes home every night and loves you not this person that you had a brief relationship with. Tell her that the only good thing to come of that is her and you love her with all your heart.
2007-08-26 17:32:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you should tell her I mean she does have the right to know who her real father is. But if he is a bad man and has done some bad stuff then you shouldnt but she does have the right to know.
2007-08-26 17:26:20 · answer #10 · answered by sweetangel489211 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to tell her the truth. there is no way you can't do this its mean to not let her have the right to her real dad. if hes mean to her in any way she will learn and not see him pretty soon. but its what she wants i am sure i would if i was lokoing for my dad and his health stuff she should try and find out now while hes around.
2007-08-30 15:46:47 · answer #11 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋