He says he wants me more expirenced to date just 2 other guys to have sex with to makeup for the two girls he did before he knew me. so I can see if there is a difference. If he is trying to set me up to cheat onhim like his last relationship ended. he lived with for 7 years. keep that in mind. I think he wants me to be like his ex cause he has never been with some one past 7 years before now and i think he is try to find ways for me to leave him by talking down to me and trying to avoid having sex with me to make me go and have it with some one else. why is what i want to know. is it me did i do some thing wrong by staying a virgin before marriage? why would it matter if i was. what makes a guy think this way? He is not giving me sex to make we want to get else wheres. i think he wants me to be like his ex girlfriend. I can't be that way and he wont give me sex till I do! so what should I do? say i told him how i felt and nothing comes out of it.
2007-08-26 15:00:23 · 39 answers · asked by sassylassy2876 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to teenie, i am not offended but i am from usa. to answer that prt of the question in you answer.
2007-08-26 15:21:14 · update #1
I would not do anything to compromise my moral feelings whether my husband wanted me to or not. I would suggest he get counseling and quick. And withholding sex from you???That is so silly when people do that in a relationship. For one thing, you're not gonna die from not having sex and another thing...what makes him think you want to have sex with him anyway while he is being so irrational??
2007-09-01 18:38:29 · answer #1 · answered by A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is wrong, wrong, wrong and you know it in your heart. That's why you are writing here. It doesn't matter who has more notches on the bedposts BEFORE you got married. Everything that happened BEFORE the marriage is just water under the bridge. My wife & I both agreed that whatever was in the past stays in the past, and we have never brought it up in 21 years of successful marriage.
There is something not right going on with this guy. Your suspicions might well be correct, or it could be yet something else. What if he is really gay? Don't discount that. It's very, very odd that a guy would not want to have sex with a new wife pretty much every day! You had no clue this guy was like that before you got married? Really???? I'm not buying that he hasn't had sex for seven years, unless the guy is in his 60s.
You have something really wrong going on here and I'm afraid that it's beyond simple advice from an internet message board. My gut instinct is this guy just is NOT husband material and you have made a big mistake. What you need to do at this point is get some professional marriage counseling, even though you will likely have to go alone. How about your pastor to start with? You need to have some trained third party listen to your story in more detail. And no, you definitely did nothing wrong by staying a virgin until you were married. I think your husband is very screwed up, to be honest.
Kent in SD
2007-08-26 16:22:31 · answer #2 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is pushing you away and what he is doing to you is to find a major reason to divorce you. Its a trap he want you to fall into and end your marriage. Why is he insecure? Instead of you going out play smart. You can rent the sex movies. the logic here is finding way to make one motivated, in a mood of having sex. see the sex style and then pay him back and tell him know you now what he is taking about. Just play smart and see what he say. Let him accuse you for whatever reason he may come up with. Don't go off, just have fun as he is pissed off and tell him how much you love him and show him how the guys in the movies thought you. Remember you assumed that the woman in the video having sex was you with that man. When he come homes show how felt having sex although it was only imagination, pretendencey to be the other woman.so you have nothing to worry about. As you demonstrate how you felt the sex experience, see what reaction he has, just have fun with him while he continue to accuse you. Tell him how much you love him and respect him but say nothing of cheating. At the end reveal you trick and while you are in bed with him play the video movie and explain how you experience sex with him as a result of learning from the tape and I guarantee you he will never mess with you again. He will look like an idiot. Ask while you are watching the video if there is anything else he want you to learn from it and apply it that night. What could he say
2007-08-26 15:30:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sassylassy,
I read your last three questions and there is something terribly wrong with your husband. I don't know if he has cheated on you in the past but something is not right. First, he lets you lead this total stranger in believing you want to marry him, then you walk naked past him and he doesn't even acknowledge you, and now this. Do you find it a bit strange? Unless you both are playing a sick twisted game. Either he trying to test you or he trying to end the marriage. No, there is nothing wrong remaining a virgin til you wed, congratulations. You come across like a very conservative person and it seem like he has a problem with it. What does he want a whore? Don't do it.
2007-08-26 20:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by Rafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has a problem and needs counseling. No man in his right mind would encourage his wife to have sex with other men. It's not up to him manipulate your sexuality so he can "make up for" the two women he had before you. You're right, he is giving himself ammunition so he can cry "Cheater!" once you've given in to his wishes.
He is an insecure man. Why he wants you to do this isn't really important. What's important is that you have two very different views on what makes a marriage (honesty, trust, fidelity, respect and of course love...). You get it, he doesn't. Go to a marriage counselor. If he refuses to go, go alone. If he's not willing to discuss the situation with you, then you have a decision to make. You can't be in a marriage where one of the partner's actions are destructive to the relationship. Unless he's willing to change or get help, you may have to think about if this is the kind of marriage you want.
2007-08-26 15:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose technically it would not be cheating, as that means to do something underhand, or that the other person does not know about. However, I still think it is wrong of your husband to want you to do something that you are not comfortable with, and it would still be adultery! I think it is a wonderful that you chose to remain a virgin until you married, it shows the level of respect you have for yourself and your body. So don't let him make you feel as if this was wrong! I find it very strange indeed, that your husband wants you to have sex with these other two men before he has sex with you. I could of course, be totally wrong here, but it sounds as if there is a lot more to this than him just wanting you to "see if there is any difference". If this was his only motivation, why did he not ask you to do it before you got married? He is not showing you any respect by not taking your wishes and feeling into consideration either, which is why it makes me think he has another reason for wanting you to do it. Before you even consider doing what he is asking, think very carefully about how it is going to make you feel about yourself if you do it..
2007-08-27 01:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh! You actually married this guy!!! When a guy tells his wife he wants her to cheat on him, what he really wants is to cheat on HER! He also wants to control you. Wake up girlfriend, you are married to an abuser. Runnnnnn!!!!! No man who loves his wife, wants her to have sex with another man. What is marriage? One man and one woman. Don't spend your life with a man who can't love you for who you are and insist on trying to make you into something you don't want to be. He sounds like he has some really serious problems and you should get out of this relationship, before you get really hurt, and get so beat down by him that it does you some really serious damage. You should be proud that you were a virgin when you got married, It's just a real shame that you saved yourself for such a creep. I would hand him some divorce papers, then say, "You wanted me to have sex with other men, so now I am free to do just that. I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding a real tramp that will be happy to cheat on you. I can't and don't want to be, what you want in woman and you can never be what I need in a man." Be smart! Walk away and never look back. This guy is trouble.
2007-08-26 15:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by Betty M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What husband who loves,respects and honors his wife wants her to cheat? That is the opposite of marriage.
From what I understood he did this in a past relationship.
Sounds like hes passive aggressive. He"ll suggest it giving you the appearance its okay, and then once you carry out he will call u all types of name and brand you can adulteress, (which you will be), and divorce you.
He has some some deep seeded issues which definitely call for some kind of counseling. I think you also have to consider whether you want to continue in loveless/sexless marriage.
I wouldn't, moreover I didn't.
He definitely is not healthy and should seek help, last week was too late!!!!!
2007-08-26 16:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by lookinggood445 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anyone marrying a virgin is bound to wonder at some point about the desire of their spouse to experience other lovers. He has been cheated on before and has been hurt by it. He's worried that you will cheat on him because you are curious about what sex with other men would be like. So, he figures he will give you permission so that you don't sneak around and break his heart.
The poor guy is a bit insecure here. You will not likely make him feel better by taking him up on his offer. Some men are ok with an open marriage and some are not. I don't think your guy would truly be ok with you having sex with other men.
All you can do is reassure him that you are happy with him. If there are things you want sexually, you can always experiment with each other. No need to seek other lovers. Tell him that and ask that he stop pressuring you to cheat when you are happy with him and your marrriage.
2007-08-26 15:09:55 · answer #9 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes, it is cheating. You took a vow to forsake all others.
Having permission doesn't relieve you of your vow. At best,
having permission just gets you out of trouble with your
husband. Or does it? It sounds like he has issues of guilt
and maybe he thinks (for now) that leveling the playing field
by getting you experience statistically equal to his will relieve
him of that guilt. In my opinion, it will only raise tension in
your marriage. I would say that you're a jewel for remaining
a virgin until marriage. I hope you won't defile yourself for
this misguided attempt to relieve guilt. I once thought as he
does and I recognize it in your description of the situation.
Do what you know is right. It seems hard, I know. Seeking
advice to try to please everyone will probably not help.
Sometimes everyone can't be pleased. You may have to
make the hard choice. Do what you know is right.
2007-08-26 15:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by Aerostar 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋