Sudden Insecurites?

Question

I just began my second year at college. Nowadays, i feel very insecure about my looks and personality. Over the summer, back to home, i was a pretty confident person all around. I don’t feel like myself. I feel fat and ugly. When i go out, i always notice guys wanting to talk to my friends and not me. I’ve had small insecures is like everyone and I know I’m not unattractive but i've been feeling very down lately. How can i change this attitude..its interfering with my life.

Answer 1

It's no doubt the fact that everything is new again this yr. Back to the "unknown" again now that you're "starting over" so to speak. Remember, you are the same person you've always been & always had the ability to make & have friends. That has not changed. Just stay close to your friends & there should be at least one you are more friendly with. Confide in her & tell her you feel just a little unsure of yourself at the moment. Let her know you need just a little extra help w/the friend situation. Ask her if she w/help you & give you just the extra support you feel you need now. Everyone is afraid of the unknown, which like I said is no doubt a bit of your feelings. You w/be alright & things w/work out OK for you once you get back in the swing of things. After all this newness wears off, you'll start to feel more comfortable with things. A nice smile is always welcome by everyone. And if you notice, it usually is returned. KNOW you are going to be OK. Feel confident in knowing you have always been able to make friends & w/continue to do so. You'll also be meeting new people, & who knows how many more friends you'll actually be adding to your list! Think positive & KNOW "this too will pass"....and it will. I wish you all the best in your new coming yr. & KNOW you'll be fine when you feel more at home w/your new classes.

Answer 2

You posted this question in some other category, apparently, because I've already answered it once.

I remember feeling something very similar, especially the "fat and ugly" routine. You do know, objectively, that you are not actually ugly: you said "I'm not unattractive." So what causes you to feel something that is an exaggerated untruth? Melodrama, in effect?

I remember what it was for me. I would focus on the very best-looking guys. Now, let's face it: there is a certain parity of physical attractiveness that goes on in high school, and is carried over into college. The very best looking, by the usual standards promoted by the mass media, date each other. They may not even like each other, but they are thrown together as "such an attractive couple."

But when people start getting serious about who they really want to spend time with, looks are just not that significant. I could spend too minutes talking to a gorgeous guy, only to discover that his personality stinks, he's stupid, arrogant and so on. My own solution was to concentrate on brainy men, older men, and especially brainy older men.

Brainy mostly because I'm convinced some of that is genetic, and if I'm going to have kids, I want their father to be very smart. And older because they've had more time to develop their personalities, and because they will assess my looks higher than guys my own age just because of my youth. Marrying an older man has that advantage that no matter how old you feel when you look at that first grey hair, he will see you as young just because you are enough younger than him.

So my best affair while I was in college was with a man 17 years older than me. He introduced me to the adult world. He was also extremely good-looking for his age, but it's that "for his age" part that made it work so well . . . until he met the girl he eventually married. But that's another story.

Answer 3

if you know that there is a change from home vs. school and you know that it is interfering with your life I would go in and talk to somebody, most schools offer a counseling on campus or will refer you to people in the area.

are there things in your life that could be causing you to be stressed, or worried? Family, friends, major, classes, future? Do you like going out? try to write out what you are feeling and thinking and see if that helps, or talk to one of your friends that you trust...don't keep what you are feeling in.

Answer 4

If they are your friends they should include you in the conversations.Perhaps you could speak to the one you feel closest to about your feelings.