If you are married....are you happy? More questoins to follow...?

Question

1. How long have you been married?
2. Have either of you cheated on the other?
3. Do you have kids?
4. Why did you get married?
5. Is this your first marriage?
6. If you aren't happy, why do you stay that way?

This isn't meant to come across as an assault on marriage, although to some it might come across that way. The whole point of this question is I wonder about marriage. I just found out yet another friend is getting divorced. I'm 26 years old and I've always dreamed of getting married, having a family, yada yada yada. What I'm wondering is though is what is the point? I've had so many friends get married, and out of all of the ones that have been married over 5 years, only one couple seems really happy, the rest seem so miserable and I think the only reason they don't get a divorce is that it's against their beliefs, and although it's not my place to judge that, I can't help but wonder what the point of marriage is if people who stay together end up miserable.

Greg: I used to think of marriage as "an end in itself" but I don't anymore. I was engaged once, but realized I couldn't see myself making crucial life decisions with this person...so yeah although I am a romantic at heart, I am also a realist and would never dream of getting married just to check it off life's "to-do list" so to speak.

Dude in love: I'm so sorry, but thank you for your honesty.

Messiah: I would have to definitely disagree on the sex thing, I think sex is immoral if it is used for anything but it's two purposes, pleasure and procreation. I definitely don't think sex outside of marriage is immoral, but you are entitled to your opinion and thank you for your answer.

Answer 1

1. the first time, 3 years. This time it's been 4
2. Yes
3. Yes (4)
4. addicted to each other
5. Well, kinda.... We married each other twice. We were divorced for 7 years between marriages. (see #1)
6. Not always. But we are willing to change and grow and we are committed to it and each other this time around.

Marriages can never be perfect because people are not perfect. Being human, every bride and groom has faults as well as vitrues. We are gloomy, cranky, selfish, or unreasonable. We are a mixture of generous, altrustic feelings combined with self-seeking aims, petty vanities, and ambitions. We unite love and courage with selfishness and fear. Marriage is an alloy of gold and tin. We expect more than this, we are doomed to disappointment.

When my wife and I tell our story, we often say that the first time around we forgot that our vows were based action rather than feeling: "I will love you when times are good or bad. I will cherish you even if I am upset with you. I will honor you at all times." Every couple can profit from remembering and saying these simple words every day. The more each person can find new and creative ways to swear this commitment, the better. The idea is to recite your vows over and over so that when the rocky times come, as they inevitable will, the commitment to love, honor, and cherish will trigger new ideas in the brian about how to hold the marriage together.
I hope that you will purpose in your heart to do whatever it take not to fall into the standards of society. Make a difference! Good luck!

Answer 2

If your going to have sex, then married life is for you. Sex out of marriage is immoral or haven't you learned this already. If you think that happiness comes from whatever you want the other to do for you and you will be happy, wrong! It is just the opposite. Love gives and never expects anything in return. People fail in marriage because they have put self on the throne and tries to Master over the other and all hell breaks lose. If two people will learn what unconditional love and forgiveness is and apply it, their marriage will be a success and others will envy them but few ever learn the key and divorce in fact is a curse handed down from one generation to the next. Children, if not taught this and they don't experience this kind of love, will also bear the fruit of divorce. There are people married for years and there is a wall built between them and it is a wall called Unforgiveness..There is no love, there is no warmth between them and it is just one step away and they will contact a Lawyer, As if divorce is the answer when it is not! If one looks at the percentage of 2nd marriage divorces, it is just as high. Today's marriage seems to be a power struggle for who owns what and what more material possessions the one has over the other and their is no submission between them. When will the vicious cycle end? When they get self off the throne and let unconditional love reign in it's place, then happiness and peace will follow. You will begin to see each other in a new light and the augmenting and backbitings shall move on out, instead of the one you married. If you will do this, you need not fear marriage...

Answer 3

I have been married for just a little over 5 years now. The first four years were horrible. All sorts of changes and getting use to one another's ways of doing things. It has been a roller coaster for sure! The past year has been the best ever! We do not have any children. We have been trying this year. We did not want to try before when we were not sure about who we were and if we would even last. Now we know for sure! I originally wanted to get married b/c it was my dream and the movies made it look so fun. The couples seemed so happy all of the time! Well, that is not reality. I would say that having friends who are happily married has helped improve our marriage. I know for me it made me want that for us. We also had to realize that we were not the only married couple who had conflict. Lots of people put on shows for others, but it is so different behind the scenes. So, for me to know that other people had the same struggles/conflict as us and could still be happy made me want to try that much harder and make it happen for us too! Good luck! Just remember it is pretty impossible to get along/be happy all of the time! The good needs to out weigh the bad!

Answer 4

1) 28 years
2) I have never cheated but he did 10 years ago.
3) 1 he is 26
4)Because i thought i loved him but at that age you don't know what love is,real love comes with time and a lot of patients.Most people walk away or just give up before you reach the point of real love.
5) This is my third marriage,first marriage i just turned 18,second marriage i was 20 way way to young to marry.
6) I'm happy now it took a long time to get over the affair my husband had but it happened.I'll never forget what he did but he has most definitely made up for it,so you see your marriage can go on after an affair it all depends how hard you are willing to work at keeping your marriage together.And of course your husband and how sorry he is and willing to help you get though the pain he has caused you.

Answer 5

1. How long have you been married? 16 years.
2. Have either of you cheated on the other? Never for me - I'm only guessing never for him. I doubt it, but you never know.
3. Do you have kids? Yes, one 15 year old.
4. Why did you get married? I love him and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see him after a while of being gone.
5. Is this your first marriage? Yes for me, no for him - second.
6. If you aren't happy, why do you stay that way? I am happy for the majority. All marriages, I would guess, have their good days and bad. There are more good than bad.

Answer 6

I have been married for almost 18 yrs . 2. Never I would cut something off LOL!!!3. Yes 2 boys and they are grown .4. because I loved him 5.yes 6. I am very happy and want to stay that way . dont feel like marriage is impossible for you dear so what your friends cant make a go of it ,they are not you . good luck and go for it .

Answer 7

1. We've been married 9 years
2. Neither of us have cheated.
3. We have one son, 15 months
4. We married because we wanted to commit to love each other for life
5. This is our first marriage
6. Happiness comes and goes. Our commitment (and the memories of great times together) is what carries us through when we're unhappy. "Happily ever after" is fiction. Committed for life is reality. A happy marriage is work; don't commit to marry if you're unwilling to do the work.

Answer 8

1. 30 years
2. I have not cheated on her. I don't know if she has or not.
3. No
4. At that time I was in love with her.
5. Yes
6. For most our marriage things have been good. But after a lot of her negative criticism I have about had enough. So I don't know how much longer I will put up with it.

Answer 9

I seriously don't understand young women. They set themselves up for failure by thinking of marriage as an end in itself. Always dreamed of getting married? Boy, it sure would help if you knew what the right character and attitude traits in a possible life mate are first and then actually met somebody who measured up.

Look, people get married for a lot of the wrong reasons, and starting a family is right up there. As if it isn't important who you start a family with. Good grief. I've done a lot of observing in my life, and I'd say only about 10% of marriages (at the very most) are what I would call really good ones.

It's good you are thinking about this now because you need to learn to screen through a lot of freaks, nuts, people with too much baggage, self-control issues, etc.

Answer 10

Yes I am happily married. I have been married to my wife for 5 years now, we have been together for 10. I've not cheated on her and don't believe she has ever cheated on me. We have to wonderful kids, a 17 year old daughter and 16 year old boy. Both are my wifes biological kids, but they are our kids no less. I got married because after 27 years I finally found the one woman I wanted to spend my life with. It is my first marriage and her second.