How would you tell your kids . . .?

Question

That their father/mother had died?

I know it's a really sad and morbid question, but I need to help my sister out in her time of need. She recieved really bad news yesterday, and is now facing this dilema. The children are between the ages of three and eight. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I dunno if this heaps but I lost my mother just over 2 yrs ago & my nephew who was 5 at the time kept asking where gramma was... He was very close to her saw her everyday.

I dont know if this info heaps but have a read it might or might not... im sorry to hear about your death in the family.

Talking with Your Child When Someone has Died

Adults commonly make statements that confuse children rather than help them understand The following are statements that should be avoided when talking to your child about the death of a loved one.

"Grandpa has gone," or "We’ve lost him." When people go away, they come back. When we lose things, they can often be found. But, when someone dies, they do not come back and cannot be found.

"Grandpa has gone to sleep forever." Your child may become afraid to go to sleep, believing that he or she may never wake up.

"Grandpa is watching over you from heaven." Your child may develop a fear of making mistakes or feel like he or she is being spied upon.

"Grandpa was so good that God chose him to come and live in Heaven." Your child may wonder about the value of being good.

Therefore, it is best to simply tell your child, "Grandpa has died."

Reassure your child that you are going to be there to care for him or her. Help your child understand that he or she did not cause the death and that he or she is in no real danger of dying anytime soon.

Encourage your child to ask questions.

Reassure your child that memories of the person who died will be maintained through pictures and other mementos. Making a memory book of pictures, or a memory box in which special items are placed are good ways to help the child keep the memory of the person alive. Also, planting a tree or a flower to honor the person who died can serve as a memorial.

Children often have very concrete questions, such as: "How deep is the grave?" or "Why is she so pale?" These questions are normal and should be answered honestly, using words that the child can
understand.

Answer 2

There is an really good write up that I think is excellent here:

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

As a person whose parents passed away as a child (I was 8 when my mom passed and 11 when my dad passed) I know the harsh reality of this situation.

I think one that is important is to follow whatever religious beliefs the family may have. If prayer is a part of their life then use that as an outlet to allow the kids to express their feelings, just like if they have been encouraged to draw, then use that as a means of letting them vent. The most important thing is to be honest, let them ask questions and never make them feel like their feelings are wrong or stupid. Never tell them not to cry but on the flip side don't make them feel like there is something wrong with them if they don't cry.

I could go on but there is only so much I can say in this answer. Read the article and hopefully that will help and I hope something I have said might help.

I am sorry that something happened to make this question necessary. Death is never easy but there are things that can make it easier to handle. Your family is in my thoughts!

Answer 3

She needs to tell them in a way they can understand. If religion is a big part of the family, Daddy went to heaven. If religion is not, then Daddy (or whoever) has passed on. Make sure they understand that it's not their fault. Believe it or not, kids that age frequently take the blame for things even though it doesn't make sense to adults. She will also need to reassure them that she isn't dying and neither are they.

Answer 4

Very gently.

To children younger than five, I'd say something like, "Daddy went to a better place (e.g. heaven), and we won't see him again for a very long time."

To children older than five, I'd just be completely honest with them, but withhold some details (if there was any pain, for example), and be completely gentle.

Then tell ALL the children that it's okay to cry, and it's okay to miss Daddy.

I'm so sorry for your sister's loss, and yours as well. I lost my father when I was young, so I feel for her children as well.

Answer 5

I am really sorry, but if it happened yesterday it's kinda late.
didn't they ask why mom/dad didn't come home?
Anyhow, i really am sorry. I don't think anyone knows what they'd do until it happens to them. You can try to plan for such an event and what you'd say, but I think emotions would take over and everything you planned to say or do goes out the window.
I think I know i would at least tell them about God needing angels, and how special mom/dad was that God needed him/her more.
As far as how they died, as little detail as possible, but tell the truth.

Answer 6

open honest and to the point, the eight year old should have some understanding, the three y.old nah... i know once i had to tell my friends children that there dad had died,his seven y.old said that god had to break there hearts to show that he only took the best, and that he would watch over them, what you are about to do is like walking on eggshells, i`am sure i speak for us all when i say wish you luck in doing this task my respect and sympathy to you and your sister...

Answer 7

I would tell them that sometimes people have to live in a different place, and that we can't always choose when to go. That place is a better place that God (if you are a believer) has chosen for them. I would also make sure to tell them that their parents still love their kids, and that that was not the reason they left. Especially the young one should know this.

Answer 8

i'm going to tell my daughter the basics whilst she's 11 and the 2d I here she likes a boy or a boy likes her (after puberty), the entire reality! My parents in no way had 'the debate' with me or my sister and in all honesty, it possibly could've helped lots! fairly I found out from my older sister, and she or he did no longer precisely have a mature theory of intercourse, what it potential, the outcomes, and so on. teenager being pregnant information sufficient ought to have parents speaking! And colleges do no longer do a sturdy sufficient job. it quite is a parent's job! And it should be achieved. and to no longer sound previous formed myself, yet it is even truer for women. They adventure most of the 'outcomes' lots greater desirable than boys do. in the event that they get pregnant, THEY get pregnant and optimistically could have an in touch dad, yet no longer usually. females could desire to comprehend a thank you to guard themselves. it isn't the boys job to get the risk-free practices and use it. Condoms smash, condoms are disregarded, condoms are used incorrectly, so parents of girls could desire to get their daughters knowledgeable at a youthful age.

Answer 9

I would sit them down and tell them straight out. I wouldn't try and cloud it with silly talk so that the children end up confused. Eg saying something like mums gone away to another place called heaven. For a small child that leaves much confusion. Its best to explain outright that mum/dad has died. I would hate to be in this position and I really feel for you and your loved ones.

Answer 10

I'm not exactly sure but I've seen people sit their children down and tell them that something bad has happened and that Daddy won't be coming home. He was in a bad accident and he's gone to heaven. When they ask why, because God needed him. He'll always be in your heart. Hope this helps a bit. I am sorry for your loss.