Is it a normal marriage if you can love and hate at the same time?

Question

Can you love him so much you cant breathe? Then when you get mad you can hate him so much? Is that just marriage?

Answer 1

That's when you know you have been married for a long time.That's also what they mean when they say marriage is hard work. It's funny how you can't wait for your husband to come home because you want to hold him and tell him just how much you love him but WHAM just as soon as you hear that front door open something happened to all your feelings of love. Now all you want him to do is eat dinner then go to bed and leave you to your computer.

Answer 2

No...that's not a healthy relationship. You should not feel hatred towards someone you supposedly "love" ... just because you're having an argument or whatever. No...even when you're at odds or having an issue, you still should have respect for each other and hateful, spiteful words and actions should not be involved in a healthy marriage/relationship. If you can get so upset and mad with your partner...to the point of feeling "hate"... then something deeper is wrong with the relationship and you should really work on trying to figure out where the real issue lies. I've been in relationships where I felt like you are describing (every time we had an argument), I would feel like I totally did not like that person but when we made-up, everything was all lovey-dovey again until the next argument and the feeling of hatred was there again. I was much younger then...so I was immature, for one thing...for feeling that way. With maturity comes respect for others' feelings and this also leads to healthier relationships.

Answer 3

It's pretty normal in my marriage! There are times that I could very happily kick him to death, and other times that I could very happily love him to death. The times I really hate him do not, fortunately, last very long though, and I am soon back to loving him. There is, as was said many many years ago, a very fine line between love and hate. Hate is just as powerful an emotion as love, and I believe that the only reason I feel that way about my husband from time to time is because I love him so much, and his actions have hurt me. I guess, in a weird way, it is because I love him so much that I sometimes hate him. ( if you can understand that weirdness.) We have been married for 25 years, and the times that I have hated him have been few and far between, but they have been there, and probably will continue to be once in a while!

Answer 4

I've been married for 33 years and I HATE my beloved so much - at times... but then he does something simple (like brushing his hand across my hair as he walks past) and my heart melts!

So I'd have to say - in my experience - yes, you CAN love and hate the same person at the same time.

(The first five years are the worst; as you both have to get used to living with each others little foibles... don't ask!")

Answer 5

I don't remember what comedian that said "it isn't a real marriage until you have looked at your spouse and have said to yourself at least once, I wish I could kick your ***"

It is normal BUT if you are feeling like you really want to hurt him you need to leave and maybe go into therapy as a couple.

Answer 6

I don't know if it's normal but it's not healthy!

I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...

It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unlovingly towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.

If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...

"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).

As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."

I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.

If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!

Answer 7

Sure you can, in order for him to make you mad enough to hate him you have to have feelings for him. Hate is not the opposite of love, complete apathy is.

Answer 8

i think that the reason that you hate him so much when you are mad, is because it hurts more because you love him so much...

does that make sense? i mean when someone you don't care about does something to hurt you or upset you, it hardly ever does... compared to those (him) that you love so deeply.

i think it's all part of being in LOVE

Answer 9

Ummm, no. You sound like a head case. But from the look of the responses you got, I'm going to suggest this as a dating question for my male friends who are still dating. Never can have too many nut-detector questions.

Answer 10

That sounds about right!
You would die for him one minute, then the next you want to squeeze his neck til his eye's pop out (not recomended).
Then comes the make-up sex (the real reason that men start all of the fights. They have ulterior motive).