Help! boyfriend and his relapse of anger problems. how can i tell him his problems are coming back?????

Question

i've known about my boyfriend's past anger/anxiety problems since we first started dating, which then they hadn't been present for several years.we've now been together over 1 1/2 years and over the past 3 months,i've noticed his anger problems coming back & they've been getting worse & worse. in july,for instance,as he was walking through the bedroom door,he accidentally knocked his elbow on the door frame&was so mad that he punched(on accident) a hole in the wall.i asked if he was alright and he said"i'm fine".he was all flustered and i kept quiet cause i didn't know what else to say and i was worried i'd make the situation worse.i know he would never ever do anything to hurt me.when we're walking and people are infront of us "going slow", he gets pissed off. little things like that make him so upset.i really don't know what to do or say, which makes him even more mad.but hes the sweetest and most caring boyfriend ever.how can i tell him his problems are coming back?what can we do?

i know for a fact that he will never hit me. i am not and have never been afraid of him hitting or hurting me. believe me, i've done plenty of things to piss him off and given him many chances to hit me and he won't. if he's upset with me, he goes into the other room to cool down. then we talk about the problem.
the reason why i hesitate to talk to him about this problem is because i am unsure of what, when, and how to say it. and because i am the worst about confronting people and talking about problems.

Answer 1

Get rid of him. He's not a man at all, but a baby. Why do you want to mess with this loser/bum? Why are you wasting years of your life him? This is insane.

I'd be willing to bet, however, that you're afraid to get rid of him, and with good reason. You should tell him with a real present, or else have the real man do the work, entirely.

Answer 2

if there is a hole in the wall, and your boyfriend put it there by punching it... well, it was NO accident.... it was a reaction because he is not asserting control over his emotions for some reason.

you can simply tell him that you care, and that you have noticed something must be bothering him lately. you could let him know that you feel fearful at times because he seems angry.

give him a minute to respond.

let him know that while you think he's the greatest and you love him, he really needs to get help -- because you can't live like that.

and you can't!! not without constant stress and worry! so take care of YOU and talk with him, in the kindest way possible.

Answer 3

Thats actually tough to answer, I myself have had anger problems, but injuries to my hands forced me to find other means to vent. The best way is to make sure he's in a good mood..not stressed..and then tell him the two of you need to talk about his anger, remind him about some of the worst instances, like the hole in the wall, and he may just realize without you saying anything else that the problem is coming back. But, if he denies it and gets angry, you need to keep a close eye on him, even a sweet guy can vent on you before he realizes it.

Answer 4

Well...do it in a public place! I know you think he'd never hurt you, but when a person has serious anger management issues, you never really know what they might do.

He needs a counselor, preferably one that has experience with people that have anger problems. This isn't something that is going to go away on its own.

Your boyfriend need to know that you love him and that you're there for him, but that in order for you to have a successful and healthy relationship, he needs to work on these issues that he has.

I can't say how he'll react, but he needs to hear this from you. And as much as it might hurt, if he refused to get help, then you need to think about what you're going to do. You can't remain in a relationship with someone who acts this way. And honestly, sometimes the other person has to leave before the one with the problem will admit they need help.

Answer 5

If he is the"nicest and would never hit you boyfriend in the whole world," then why can't you just tell him when he isn't mad? You sound uptight, afraid, and worried about his anger problem. You know you will get hit one of these days, and this is what is worrying you, besides the fact he has a short fuse and could hurt others. He needs anger managment counseling, and the sooner the better.

Answer 6

Are you affraid to tell him BECAUSE he has anger problems.
You cannot ignore the problem and hope that everything is going to be alright, it won't be, believe me I know, I had one like this, sooner or later he will be pissed off at you.
Don't waist your time on him or later you will have to blame only yourself for waisting your time, and only you, because you knew there was a problem from the beginning, but was hoping he can change. It is not a movie, and if he says that you have to help him, who is going to help you after.
The first thing you look in a man is a kind heart, patience and common sense. (sense of humor would be too much to ask, there are not many men with it)
RUN

Answer 7

You need to address this problem right away. You need to tell him you have noticed his anger problems and think he needs to address them before the escalate. Just be thankful he put a hole in the wall, and not your face.
My granddaughter made her boyfriend mad and he knocked her out, and stomped on her head. The neighbors found her passed out in her car. She had a concussion, because someone got mad and things didn't go their way. He's in jail now.

Answer 8

Anger comes from a deep place--so deep --that it has nothing to do with you. But, you will be the victim of it. I should know--I have a lot of anger issues. It almost destroyed my marriage. I would not be married to a person like me. Be very careful, get therapy for yourself and move on.

Answer 9

his problems aren't coming back. they never left. anger is not like a hat that you take off and put on at will.it's always there and needs to be controlled daily. it's easy to control anger if nothing has made you angry. when everything is going your way, things are fine. you're obviously happy to deal with it, since you took him back

Answer 10

I hope you don't become the next "accident." You need to talk straight to him and say he needs to get help now or you are leaving....he needs to make a commitment to you on getting treatment or these relapses may get more and more violent, being left unchecked.