I have spent my entire life putting the thoughts and feelings of those around me before my own and it just doesn't seem to get you anywhere. I'm at a point now where I feel maybe I should just put myself first and screw everyone else. Does that make me a bad person????
2007-08-26 12:22:17 · 21 answers · asked by Jo W 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
No, it makes you a door mat, no offense. You have to take care of yourself before you are able to take care of anyone else. Please don't say, well, I can help others, but I can't help myself, because that is pure rubbish. Even Jesus took time off to be alone when He needed to.
2007-08-26 12:29:10 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 15⤊ 0⤋
Neither one.
It's really simple to care for others AND yourself. I can't help noting the "...doesn't seem to get you anywhere." Possible implication that you had "expectations" of some kind of reward for being nice? Thinking & feeling for others is its own reward. It's difficult, however, to comprehend your spending your entire life putting others first. The bitter way you expressed how you feel now, certainly isn't very apealing, is it?
I once had a client who repeatedly said his rule was "After me you come first!" The belligerence in his tone of voice was a clue. I discovered he'd not done one thing without expecting the person to feel obligated, & immediately repay the favour--which indeed wasn't a favour, due to his intentions. He had built up so much resentment that had virtually nothing to do with anyone but himself. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but you might give a think to your motivations?
You might also consider the consequences if you choose to "screw everyone else." Isn't that what you feel they've been doing to you? Think about it.
Remember, no man is an island...(For Whom the Bell Tolls).
Find harmony in mutuality--be both good to others, & yourself.
2007-08-26 13:22:56 · answer #2 · answered by Psychic Cat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually no it doesn't make you a bad person at all. It probably means you have quite high emotional intelligence as you are questioning yourself, therefore you aren't a bad person.
Putting others first is a good way to live your life but there are situations when it is necessary for you to a little selfish in order to progress and for your own happiness.
I'm saying this from recent experience. I've been a bit of a doormat of late but thought I was being a 'real nice and super person'. In fact I was making myself available for people to take advantage of me and I was getting quite unhappy. Toughening up a bit and deciding to do things that make me happy is one of the best things I've learnt to do. Nevertheless this hasn't stopped me from caring and looking after my friends and family. It's all a matter of working out the balance I guess.
2007-08-26 12:40:55 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you have to practice one to the exclusion of the other? Why can't you consider what's best for you AND the feelings of others when making decisions and/or taking action?
You know, life's not necessarily black or white - one or the other, but not both. Human beings have been blessed with a potential toward brilliance. Too bad we limit ourselves so often with questions like these - Hmm, do I want to be a selfish git or a doormat? As if there is nothing in between and these are our only options.
How sad.
2007-08-26 12:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, life is a balance. If we all put ourselfs first, then we would not have any friends to help us when we really need it, likewise, if you devote your life to being selfless, you end being trated like a doormat by those who would take advantage of the fact.
I tend to do the latter, until I feel used, then edit the parasites away. I do put some time and effort into number one, but continue to devote more than 60% of my energies on others, its good karma, and you will be suprised just what others are capable of, however the golden rule is to drop the gits as soon as they start to take you for granted.
2007-08-26 13:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by DAVID C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I think it has to be a mixture of both. In some situations it's nice to put others first...particularly those you have a responsibility to, for example your children or siblings. That is to your credit. However I think sometimes you've gotta think..this is my life, this is me...and not worry about people who aren't your responsibility. Otherwise you could get into ridiculous situations...like giving away all your money and suffering for it financially..or turning down a job offer because you just met and felt sorry for the other candidate. There must be a balance.
2007-08-26 12:32:47 · answer #6 · answered by mirrors and smoke 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it makes you a bad person. I put myself first because I have a daughter, which I know sounds screwed up, but if you think about it logically, if I'm all right, she's all right. If I'm messed up and in a bad place, how can I be there for her and be able to do everything she needs me to do? I have to be OK to do right by her. I have to do whatever it takes to be the best mum I can be. Obviously if it came down to her life or mine, it would be hers (saving it, that is), no question, no hesitation.
2007-08-26 12:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As to your question, neither. Self and others alike need to be taken into consideration, but always thinking about who comes first is a sure way to guarantee someone comes last. The rule is "Love your neighbor as your self". It doesn't say put their thoughts and feelings in place of your own. It doesn't say self first and everyone else be d@mned. It does say that love should be the principle of your actions which include yourself. Loving someone doesn't mean letting them walk all over you. Loving yourself means doing the things which keep you healthy and happy, including your investment in others. No one is alone.
2007-08-26 12:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by Fr. Al 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Putting others first, like any moral rule or absolute only works if everybody lives by the same rules, then we can all be nice to each other.
If you put others first and they put themselves first you're in a bit of poor state really. Surely you have to look after yourself in order to help anyone else and frankly, no one likes a martyr (have just learned this lesson myself).
2007-08-28 03:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have mixed feelings about this one. I've always thought putting the thoughts and feelings of others is more important - but then it occurs to me. When you're on an airplance, the flight attendant always tells you to worry about your own oxygen mask first - if you can't breathe, you won't be able to help others. So maybe we should make sure everything is right with "us" first and then we'd be better able to help others. It makes sense that if you're happy and healthy, you'd be more helpful to other people, doesn't it?
2007-08-26 13:39:27 · answer #10 · answered by Julianne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of, don't think in extremes- it is not healthy. Take care of your interests first and then try to help others as much as possible.
If you are really a type to put others' needs above your's, I want you to remember one thing - Take care of yourself so you can be in best shape to really serve others. The world today needs people like you...
Chandra A
2007-08-26 12:37:04 · answer #11 · answered by Chandra A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋