My parent r getting divorce...becuz of me..?

Question

my parents r getting a divorce, and im so frustanted,angry, ext.
i found out becuz i was goin to my room and i heard the marguring and my dad kept blaming everything on me, its like im the problem and the thing is i heard him say shes no good, she should even be here...that was very hurtful. he kinda left the house, and he left the house while my mom was crying. i dont know what to do, i want them to be togather, but im the porblem. i dont even know what i did wrong. i cant stand it, y is he doing this?

i know that he loves me but he needs to grow up. hes like always complaining on how i live my life. to me i like the way i live, i love everything about me. but i dont know y he is doing this

Answer 1

I have been through a divorce and You did nothing wrong! It's just easier for him to blame all their problems on you! No, it's not fair, but I really think that if he thought about what he was doing to you, he'd stop saying that!

Just know that it's not really you - it's something between them!

Answer 2

Don't believe that you are the cause of the divorce. You may be the target of blame, and that is only because it is easier than admitting what the real problems are. When two people get a divorce it is a difficult time for everyone involved. Unfortunately you are involved also due to the fact that they are you parents. Ease up on yourself, there is nothing you can do to stop it if it happens and beating yourself up trying to figure out what you did wrong will do no good. Good luck.

Answer 3

Let me tell you from personal experience, that your father blaming you for the way he feels, is an excuse and NOT a reason.
When people feel frustrated, trapped and constantly unhappy they often look for something or someone else to blame, because they are unwilling or unable, to see that some or most of the fault lies with themselves.
They are unhappy with themselves, their lives, the choices they made, but since they can't get away from themselves, and don't want to face the changes THEY would have to make to be happy, they put it all onto something else and say, "If only this was different, I would be happy". But even if they had what they want, they aren't happy, because the unhappiness comes from within themselves.
Please talk to your Mum, or a councilor. You shouldn't have to deal with this issue on your own.

Answer 4

My dad tried to blame the divorce on me too... I was a really rebellious teenager and created a lot of stress for both of my parents. My dad tried to tell me that I was the reason for it all... because I had built so much stress in their marriage and they just couldn't bounce back. They didn't even get a divorce until over 2 years after I moved out of the house. But my mom told me the real root of the problem and it had nothing to do with me. I was just the scapegoat because my father didn't want to admit what he had done wrong... it would certainly ruin his reputation in the community. It had to do with sexual immorality... wanting my mom to get involved into the swingers lifestyle... really had nothing to do with me at all.

But whatever your case may be it has nothing to do with you. Your dad is obviously immature and selfish and grossly out of whack to blame you for anything. He's just not man enough to admit how lame he's been and that both your mom and dad, and no one else are responsible for their failed marriage. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's just not right. Please pray about this and ask God for the strength and knowledge to get through this. It's not your fault, dear. Chin up.

Answer 5

Oh, sweetheart, it is soooo NOT your fault. I am a mom going through a heartbreaking divorce. I can't even imagine how it could possibly be your fault. I know my divorce isn't because of my kids.

I don't know your dad, obviously, but it breaks my heart to hear that he said those things, and that even worse- you overheard. I can only think of a few reasons why a dad would say those things, but I guarantee you, none of them are actually YOU. They are all him. As a parent, I know you aren't the problem. Unkind words hurt so much more from a loved one don't they?

Answer 6

Honey, he may be blaming you but that is NOT the reason. The reasons are deeper than that and it may be easier for him to blame you. There is nothing you can do to change it. Perhaps they will work it out perhaps they won't. It sounds like your Dad is being extremely verbally abusive to both you and your mother. Often people say things they don't mean when they are angry but the fact he is so verbally abusive shows that he isn't thinking straight. He doesn't want to admit to himself that he has made some mistakes and is to blame. Perhaps there are some deep reasons that he doesn't even understand. He sounds like he has a problem admitting what the real problem is or that he has made some mistakes, so he thinks it's easier to blame somoeone else but don't you believe it! BUt it is NOT your fault no matter what he says. Your parents have a relationship with each other that is separate from their relationship with you, and what ever the problem is it stems from that relationship which is separate from you and it's not your fault.

My heart goes out to you.

Answer 7

Trust me when I say this will not be your fault.

Sounds more like your Dad has issues with himself that he is not willing to admit to and used you as the scape goat for his own inadequacies.

Confront him about what he said. Be honest with him, tell him exactly what you heard and ask for an explanation.

A parents love for their children should be unconditional. Point out to him that its his fault you were born... See how he likes it. You didn't ask to be born.

If he really feels that the divorce is your fault then I'm sorry but the guy is a jerk and a deadbeat. Help your mum through this difficult time and get on with your lives.

Answer 8

You didn't do anything wrong. He's blaming his problems on you because he's not man enough to take the blame for his own actions. Do not let this get to you, sometimes irresponsible parents use excuses for bad behavior and that's what this is. You and your mother will probably be better off without him if that's his attitude. Help your mother all you can and never believe that this was your fault.

Answer 9

Don't say that...There is more there than meets the eye. He is using you as an excuse to get out of the relationship. He may have someone else that he wants to be exclusive with and he using as a the excuse so he won't feel guilty for leaving you guys. Another thing, why would he say that you're no good? Those are harsh words to use on your child. Talk to your local priest. Don't do anything foolish. Feel free to email me at [e-mail].

Answer 10

To begin with, If a couple get divorced due to anything a child does or doesn't do, then the marriage was lost long before that. Chances are that your father is scraping the bottom of the excuse barrel trying to find a reason for his thoughts. It was not up to you when they got married, so how could it possibly by your fault that they divorce?
Now a little more advice? Lose the name death child. The name itself may lead some people into thinking the worst of you.

Answer 11

You are not the problem. From the sound of it, hun, your father is. A good father would never put such a heavy weight on his childs shoulders. A good husband would not walk out on his partner while she was crying.

You are not the cause of your parents problems. Even if you are a troublesome child there would be something else wrong with their relationship that would not make them work together. Good parents in a good relationship would get together and work together to help their troublesome child and more than likely blame it on themselves not the child or each other.

It may not seem like it now, but if they are not happy together or don't see eye to eye, it is better for them to be apart. My parents split when I was 15. It had to do in part because of the kids (I have two younger brothers) as they did not see eye to eye in raising children. It caused tension and chaos on a daily basis when they were together and it hurt us kids because we were subjected to the arguing. Once they split, they were both happier and free to teach us kids what they wanted us to know. I don't think either of them were 100% right and I walked away with lessons from both of them. (I am 26 now). I have the greatest relationship with both my parents now that I never had before. I was always too afraid before to take sides or cause trouble. Now I am just their daughter...individually and together. Both my mother and father say, although their relationship was terrible for the two of them, that it was necessary, because they had the blessing of me and my brothers out of it and cannot imagine life any other way. These things take time...but they ARE possible.

Moreover, they have both met people they truly love that are similar to them. They are happy. They are able now to teach us what love and partnership really means.

They are friends in a partnership of raising children now as opposed to combatants each trying to prove they are right.

I wish you the best of luck and you should always remember that adults, just as much as children, say stupid things when they are mad or feel defensive. I am sure your father said what he said in the heat and anger of the moment and it has no bearing on you. If you feel you are good, you most likely are and you just must remember that parents are people too..with their own stupid flaws and mistakes.