I need affection!!?

Question

My hubby wont give me any affection. He won't cuddle in bed, tells me he loves me often, hold my hand just because, and we dont even kiss. He can do with out sex for extended amounts of time but I CANNOT. Im not the cheating type. I know you might be wondering if he is cheating. i don't think he is cheating but I know that he lets himself go often.

I've talked to him already but he says he doesn't want to talk about this same thing all the time so I'm out of things to do. Everytime I want to talk about he gets angry.

Answer 1

I think you need to talk to him about this. tell him everything you just told us. minus the cheating part.

Answer 2

Hi Sandra,
Hon, you two really need to talk more. My wife and I will have been married 15 yrs in Oct., and let me tell you..... we talk about EVERYTHING! Well, sometimes it gets a little louder than talking. But, the key is, communication. I have to tell you, I go for extended periods myself. But, we're both disabled with lower back surgeries. And, well, quite honestly, the Mrs. is a bit on the heavy side. Even w/o the back issues, it's sometimes hard to get real excited when there is a weight issue. Don't get me wrong though. When we DO have sex, it is absolutely wonderful. No complaints about the quality of the act itself.
But, you two just need to talk more. Open up to him more. Or, whatever it takes. Maybe he needs space. I don't know your entire situation. I'm sure that being the adults you are, you two can figure out what needs to be worked on to reach an amicable solution. Feel free to read/share this with him. He can even email me himself, should he feel so inclined.
You two married for SOME good reason, right? Use that as the foundation to resolve your issues. I wish you two the best. I'm not gonna say "good luck". Luck is for casinos and lotteries. Let's say, "good love" to you both. :-)
Take care.
God Bless, Rob
[e-mail]

Answer 3

It doesn't mean he is cheating. Did you all have this before you married? The affection? If so, you are not alone. It seems guys get settled into a relationship and fend for themselves because it is easier. Unfortunately, it takes a lot to change this behavior he has taken on. I'd suggest first, letting him know the affection/lack thereof is upsetting. Don't ever say you could look somewhere else for what he is not giving you. This shouldn't be an argument but a conversation about your relationship and understanding about what you both need. I hope this turns the corner for you. That sort of marriage is hard - but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He just needs coaching.

Answer 4

The clear picture here is that your hubby is not interested and perhaps he feel that he should be single but he can't face you to tell you that. I believe even when you are intimate with him you don't feel as though you go anything or satisfied while he withdraw. He consider him to be those type of guy who don't understand the meaning of a relationship, commit, dating. They just do it for fun and playing with someone else feeling which is a worst thing to do as he doing to you. Find out what the problem with his engine, does it need some oil, or transmission fluid to clunk it up all the time or are there some cable disconnected that brings arousal and desire to have sex? or is he doing you like this while keeping someone easy at bay pretending that he is innocent? These ain't a happy relationship because eventually you will get tired of it and call a quite or go out to get it.

Answer 5

Been there. If he is like that no talking you will do will help you .....

My cure.....I found a sexual partner...after 17 years I needed more...I love him and not looking to replace him but forfilling what I need in life too. Life is to short to do without. If mine was cheating I'm unsure...maybe now I really don't care...we love each other but I'm satisfied with having relations with someone. Don't worry many men out there are many men out there in which the women don't want sexual relations with the wife....reverse of our case. Many women just don't know how great they have it.

Don't feel embarassed and don't blame yourself. Good woman also can be driven to the point where the men make them go into arms of another. My husband is such a neat freak I think he doesn't like the mess of body fluids sometimes. All I know I enjoy the smile I have on my face now...p.s. we did have a very sexual lifestyle but after so many years I guess it became boring....nothing helped

Answer 6

I am not from the "all guys are pigs" school of thought. It could be a physical problem he is having and does not want to admit. OR there might be something about you he does not like, and he does not want to tell you. The fact that he gets angry makes me think there is a reason, and he knows if he gets mad you will back off. DON'T quit. Keep after him until you get to the truth

Answer 7

Thats sad. I guess if I was you I would water the garden naked. If he doesn't notice maybe someone else will.
On a serious note sit down with him and tell him the same stuff you just wrote here and see what type of response you get from him. Be honest and attack the problem not the person. Everyone needs human contact and to be loved. I hope you get it.

Answer 8

Lets himself go often? What is that? Partying?

Your marriage sounds the reverse of mine. I went a whiole year without sex with mine (actually, we had sex twice in an 18-20 month period. Both on our anniversary one year apart). The end result was "I" had an affair. I was unhappy in my marriage and just spent too much time in it. But one thing was, we never talked about it and I never forced the talk (i.e. ade her go to counceling with me, she said there was nothing wrong with her and I dropped it). YOU should start doing something, such as talking, seeking counceling and get him to go along. Sounds a lot to me like you two are not communicationg well, and that will (as yoda used to say) lead you down the dark path.

Answer 9

Well the key in marriage is communications, if you don't know whats wrong ask him. Talk to each other all the time. Maybe its something you did, maybe its something he did, you wont know until you talk to him. Ask him why he is not holding your hand, why he wont have sex with you. Try to spice up your sex life, men really like variety.

Answer 10

who the hell did you marry that can go without sex for extended periods of time? lmao...ive been wit the same girl for some six odd years now and i still wake up and immediately want some every morning of my life before work...and then when i get home....and then before i go to sleep....and i love to be affectionate all the times in between....why would you be with anyone you didnt wanna hold and say i love you to?

Answer 11

I agree with Sleepy....Unless your husband has a crystal ball or is a mind reader, he won't know how you feel unless you tell him! Be honest and ask him if he feels the same way..Who knows? You need to communicate!

Look for the right time to talk- and let him know what you need from him. Good luck!