We have been fighting for 2 months over her drinking. My wife loves to drink and sometimes drinks too much. She also has guy friend that are in her class that she goes and hangs out with 2 or 3 times a month and drinks in bars with them. I have told her many times it bothers me but she refuses to quit. For more info refer to my last 2 questions in my profile. I recently left her, and now I think I want to give it one more try. She suggested a marriage counselor. I think the problem is my wife might be an alcoholic and not want to admit it. Plus, I don’t approve of the other guys in her life. Am I being stupid and jealous? She has never given me a reason not to trust her besides just going to bars with guys and a few other girls, but I don’t know them. She tells me I am always invited but has never called me and formerly invited to go before she goes out. What should I do? Is it too late? Please read my last 2-posted questions for more details.
2007-08-26 10:09:06 · 11 answers · asked by funkyballs 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With the right tools and direction, YES!
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unlovingly towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-26 18:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I for one, say give it another try. Go to the therapist and see how it goes. Have a date night once a week. Get into each other instead of other people. Not sure why your wife would rather go out with other people than you. You are the only one who can answer that.
Was she drinking before you married? Was it a problem then? Is there something going on now in the last two months that has lead her to drinking? Are you guys intimate enough? Again, all questions only you know the answer to.
The counseling thing is a good thing and she is willing to go along. She could have an eye opener and find out she is an alcoholic. But wait it out and see.
Try to rekindle the flames that brought you two together in the first place. Don't listen to people that want you to walk away. If she is an alcoholic, it is a disease, and people need help to kick the habit, so to speak.
Good luck to you.
To have and to hold this day forth, in richer, in poorer, in sickness and health.
2007-08-26 17:47:00 · answer #2 · answered by italianbronxgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say. She may be an alcoholic. But that doesn't really explain her need to hang out with guys in bars when you feel uncomfortable about it. If you are always placing demands on her about all sorts of things you may have a control issue or not trust her? If this is the only real issue, she simply should abide by your wishes. Mates do this on occasion for each other. It's called respect and love.
She says you're invited, yet you are never invited - lip service, pure BS.
If she offers to go to counseling, give it a shot. What have you to lose except a few bucks and a little time?
2007-08-26 17:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love that we want but cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest
Dont put life on hold Bing Love Back Restore Passion no matter how far away this person may be from you.
no matter how difficult or hopeless your situation appears
Margo Has Been Saving Marriages,And Relationships Including
Returning Love For Over 20 Years
Love Psychic Margo Masters
Returns Lost Love, Restore Passion
Call For your Free consultation Today
(409) 866 8382
2007-08-26 21:21:18 · answer #4 · answered by Paula J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is an alcoholic and you might try Al-Anon for yourself and AA for your wife, but a marriage counselor is your wife's denial thinkiing there is a marriage issue when in fact it is a substance abuse issue.
She is not being held responsible for her actions and if you give it one more try and nothing changes it will only get worse. Now you are cast in the role of enabler; you enable your wife to pursue her alcoholic lifestyle with no interference and no consequences; you do her a disservice. Get her into AA and you go to some Al Anon meetings. If she refuses then you have your answer. Leave her.
2007-08-26 17:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds rough dude! To me it sounds like your wife likes getting a little strange, and she just doesn't want to admit it to you. Its possible that she really DOES love you, and she doesn't want to loose you, and she just needs a little extra to keep the spark lit. Is she romantic with you when she comes home from drinking with her "guy" friends? Do the two of you fight a lot? Do you have fun "other" times? Does she feel like a soul mate? Certain things could be overlooked if she makes you happy in all the other ways. Don't be hasty!
2007-08-26 20:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by K M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go with her some time she might be just unwinding and havin fun in a good way there are outer girls there if you just leave her you will always wander what they realy do at the bar and try to get her the help she need for her drinkin problem,
2007-08-26 22:25:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide and when people try going back to what was in relationships, it never seems to work out. You should always move forward in life and suggest you begin anew.
2007-08-26 17:18:36 · answer #8 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she will address her alcohol problem and is willing to go to marital counseling and you still love her, I'd give it one more try. If she won't admit to the drinking problem, it's not going to work.
2007-08-26 17:21:35 · answer #9 · answered by Mary C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife dint give me a reason till we were married 8 years. Then it happened. SHE GONE NOW. Ripped my heart out total of 11 years and i cant go back.
Tell her it them or me. See who she chooses
2007-08-26 18:00:54 · answer #10 · answered by kevin02915 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋