I let my daughter and ex-husband down by not putting the family back together.
I am constantly ambivalent and am not able to get things done to move things ahead.
Then, my ex-husband gets upset and calls me inefficient, diseased because I constantly talk to Counselors and other friends/ relatives for advice.
He claims that I need to fix myself.
Then, he says that I am "irresponsible mother." Yet, he had sole physical and legal custody.
It was wrong of me to leave my child. I know that.
I wonder if I need to look inside myself and maybe just maybe he is right.
2007-08-26 09:19:42 · 10 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you were unhappy in the marriage and had what sounds like a very controling or at least opinionated husband then you were right to get out. Even if he wanted to get back together doesn't mean you should do so. So right off the bat you are not wrong and shouldn't feel guilty about not putting the family back together.... he has as much responsibility for the marriage being disolved as you do.
It is only natural to feel uncertain when in a situation like this.... especially when what one person is wanting from you is in conflict with how you feel.
Everyone has things about themselvesthat could be improved including you ex-husband so tell him he is far from perfect himself.
It is easy for someone to point the finger and given the fact that he was the one that was in the position to dictate and manipulate the situation it is easy for him to point a finger at you.... consider the source.
Maybe it wasn't wrong to get out of a situation where you unhappy and with an domineering and controling man. In the long run it was probably better for the child not to be in that environment. Don't let him get to you because that is exactly what he is trying to do....even after the divorce he is still trying to control your life and make you miserable. Don't let him!
Tell him if it weren't for his need to always be right and to control everything and everyone you would still be married.... in other words turn it around on him and tell him he is the one with the problem.
Hope this helps!
2007-08-26 09:50:56 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ALL RIGHT NOW- so you have put yourself down again by listening to the words of your X. Marvelous!!!!! He is getting the exact results he wants. Self loathing and insecurities. Let me ask you - if you seek guidance from a Counselor does that not warrant reaching out to seek answers? Again its appears that you X is manipulating you and once you recognize this THEN his words of malice will not affect you. Parents leave children for many different reasons- why beat yourself up constantly- your there for her now- isn't that important? Start by forgiving yourself and see how much lighter the load will be. As for your X write him off as a lost soul who has nothing better to do than make you miserable.
2007-08-26 16:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try listening to Dr. Laura on AM radio (6:40 from noon to 3, where I live). This might give you a clear perspective of your situation. She's very wise, puts FAMILY first and has helped me. Also do be careful not to involve too many friends etc. in your personal life and expect them to give you the right answers. That's between you and God and you have to be strong and wise enough to make the right choices on your own! God Bless!
2007-08-26 16:33:33 · answer #3 · answered by QuantumB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and foremost stop feeling like a failure. life throws us curve balls all the time and you cannot keep beating yourself up. if the mistake was truely yours OWN IT ...EXCEPT IT...MOVE ON ..but dont continue to carry that baggage with you. If your ex-husband would have been there for you all the way then you wouldnt be constantly talking to others you should have been able to talk to him. HE is the one that FAILED you. So no he doesn't have the right to call you names.
2007-08-26 16:35:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try seeing a therapist. Sounds like you don't have very much self-confidence, or maybe you're just lazy when it comes to getting your life in order and making decsions. I don't know. Nothing wrong with getting advice from others, but only you can change you
2007-08-26 16:28:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, It doesn't matter what someone does in their life they still deserve respect. I'm sure deep down inside you've been your own worst enemy. Work on you and stop veing concerned what others have to say.
2007-08-26 16:31:05 · answer #6 · answered by ladyceclia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know who you are and like who you are, before you can begin to help others. Find you , then work on fixing the family.
2007-08-26 16:27:22 · answer #7 · answered by lynda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he maybe right or he maybe just trying to put you down just to feel good about himself. If you are considering his opinion, then that means you doubt yourself; ergo, you don't know who you are. Find yourself, then when u discover yourself, you'll be able to answer all your questions.
2007-08-26 16:34:41 · answer #8 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking inside is the best medicine...because no matter what happens if you can oversome inside nothing can hurt you or stop you.
2007-08-26 16:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds very right...just from what you have said
2007-08-26 17:19:16 · answer #10 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋