is it ok to let my baby cry?

Question

My son is seven months old. I normally run to pick him up whenever he cries but I'm just so tired and I'm desperate for sleep. Would it be ok to put him down in his cot, even if he's awake and not pick him up till I've had a sleep or would it damage him emotionally? I'm so tired that I feel weak and dizzy but I don't know if it will do harm to him to not go to him when he cries?
thank you

by the way, he had meningitis 3 months ago and although he has survived (Thank God) I still wake up several times at night and can't get back to sleep till I see his chest move so I know he is still breathing ok. But my lack of sleep is becoming a problem, I nearly fainted today in the grocery store and I'm finding it hard to cope without enough sleep.

thanks Pamela, I actually am anaemic, I'm having regular blood transfusions but I haven't had one in the last month so I think I might be due for another one.
x

Go to hell Wii mom. Learn to read the question before you spout your vitriolic crap. My husband is in the army thank you very much and you are an ignorant idiot. Go To Hell!

or failing that go to Basra you stupid little girl and if you see my husband there then tell him that I said you were a judgemental, stupid little fool!

Stupid Stupid Girl!

thank you for all the intelligent answers and sorry for losing my temper with that stupid child! (not my beautiful baby, Wi mom) though how that stupid girl could be a mother is beyond me! thanks again for the advice. xxx

Answer 1

Never, ever.... If baby is crying he/she needs you. Pick the baby up.... and comfort him/her. I read somewhere that you cannot ever spoil a baby. and my wife and I have lived with that motto ever since. I am a strong believer that a baby does not cry if they are perfectly OK. They will cry if they are hungry, or too hot/cold... something.... They will onl y cry if they are not well.
If baby stops crying when you hold them in your arms then they are telling you they want a cuddle. If they continue to scream after you have picked them up then it is time to call the doctor. Something is troubling them. Just don't let the baby cry to sleep. It is sad. Besides...
The cry of a baby is the ONLY way nature has to inform Mum and Dad that baby is not well.

Answer 2

Oh no you poor thing! I do understand how you feel, my 7 month old wakes up all through the night. As for the answer saying how can you not find time to sleep as babies sleep x number of hours and nap twice a day for x number of hours, I'd say that's not wholly true, as I know my lil' one only manages 11 hours total (if that!) and has never done more. Babies are like adults, some need less sleep than others!

As for the crying though, personally I always go to my bubs. I can't bear to hear her cry. I think that's the way nature intended it to be, to make sure baby is well cared for! My personal thought is that if my lil' one cries, she needs me, even if just for a cuddle. I dont think they have any concept of manipulation at 7 months. Not everyone agrees though. However, I have found that babies can wiggle into dangerous positions in cots (legs/arms sticking through the bars) so not sure leaving bubs in the cot to cry is a great idea, but then, I've never tried it so maybe I'm not best placed to comment there.

Can you try lying baby in bed with you for daytime naps? Push the bed to the wall and have baby between you and the wall (unfortunately obviously a no-no if you smoke/have been drinking though). This is what I do and my bubs often goes to sleep so I can sleep too :-D

Can any friends or neighbours help? Have you tried a hammock bed? They can really help as they start to bounce when baby moves and help to put them back to sleep before they wake up.

Personally, I'd say only leave bubs to cry if you really have to, to take a breather for a couple of mins. I'd explore all other options before leaving bubs crying whilst you go for a sleep.

Good luck, it will pass eventually, whatever you decide.

Go to www.askdrsears.com if you want to see arguments AGAINST letting baby cry, including possible psychological consequences

x

Answer 3

There are alot of approaches for this one. Some people say that if you let your baby cry they will eventually stop though I wouldn't try this myself because there have been stories of mothers ignoring their child's crys to find that the baby has been harmed and it's too late to fix it, (Ex: a hair is rapped around its neck so strangulation and brain damage take place, or a rat with rabies has bitten the baby several times or even killed it.) If you are a single mother it's very tough and maybe you could call a family member like your mother to help you through these sleepless nights. If not, take alternate nights with your husband so you at least get some sleep. Maybe go out for dinner with some friends. It's important you get out once in a while.

Answer 4

Perhaps the reason he cries is because he KNOWS it attracts you to him. As long as he is not crying for good reason such as being hungry, there is nothing wrong with leaving him for a little to let it out.
When my sister was a baby, my dad used to hold her hand every night, until she would simply scream if he didn't do it on any particular night. In the end my parents used to let her cry herself to sleep until she got used to the fact that my dad would not hold her hand all night.
It does not damage a baby emotionally, it probably strengthens them when they come to toddler age because they feel more secure to explore at a safe distance from you instead of being too clingy. It avoids "everytime I cry, mummy comes". By running to him all the time you may be confirming "yes, there is something wrong".
The first couple of times in a night you should go comfort him, and if it fails then you go rest and let him try get to sleep on his own.
Above all, you know as a mother when he is groggiest etc. Try lullaby CDs or television noise, maybe they will comfort him.
As long as you know you spend enough time with him, don't feel guilty for sleeping while he cries. Your health is extremely important.

Some people above have stated that psychological research suggests that "cry-it-out" babies have behavioural disorders as children. I'd like to add that this may be true, but there is just as much evidence to suggest babies who are picked up everytime they cry pick up other bad habits. There is research to work BOTH ways.

Answer 5

There must be times when your baby sleeps during the day, I suggest that you use that time to catch up on some much needed rest, blow off the house work it can wait. Can I also suggest that before you pick him up (during the day) try to distract him, be calm and smile so he knows everything is ok and distract him with a toy or with funny sounds, once he realises he is ok he will more than likely go on playing, hang around for awhile so he can see you then once he's calm enough go back to what you were doing.

During the night, have you got him into a bedtime routine? mine is toys away, bath time then bed time bottle and cuddles before going of to bed where I sing a few songs to him while gently rubbing his tummy until he is asleep. When he wakes during the night I go into his room, no lights, pick him up but not talk to him unless I have to, once calm lay him back down and just rub his tummy as before and he will go back of to sleep. I don't always go into him right away I lay and listen to his cry and only when he really gets upset do I go in, I always give him the chance to put himself back of to sleep.

Get the dizziness etc checked out just to be on the safe side there may be something else wrong and the doctor may be able to give you some more advice if not see your health visitor.

Answer 6

Give yourself a break, you're a Mother not 'super-woman'; besides, the course of action you choose now will decide whether you will control your son, or whether your son will control you.......forever!

As has already been said; check he's not hungry or 'dirty' and if all OK, put him down and leave him for increasing lengths of time, so that he does not associate screaming and crying with a way of controlling YOU!

Keep an eye on him initially, check he is OK and has everything he needs, still do regular checks etc, but try and do them when he ISN'T crying!

You deserve some rest; good luck.

Answer 7

It's fine, as long as you make sure he is in a secure place with nothing that he can grab onto that may hurt him.

Actually its not good to pick him up every time he cries, in doing that he learns that he can get anything he wants by just crying. A lot of books written by doctors tell you to let him cry.

It works, just make sure he is safe and let him cry, you may want to do that first during the day while your up to get him use to not getting picked up every time he crys, then after a while do it at night, he will eventually get tired of crying and fall asleep himself. If you pick him up every time you will find later on that he is spoiled rotten.

Put him down and get some well needed sleep!

Answer 8

I kind of know how you feel, my now 10 month old baby girl has never settled well and sleep has been a sore subject from day 1.
Do you co-sleep? people frown on it but i found it to be the only way to get good sleep. She had a stage at about 6 months when she was in bed with us every night, not a perfect solution but she sleeps better next to me. Then as she's got older we put her in her cot once she's asleep and she wakes once throught he night , we bring her into our bed, give her a bottle and dummy then cuddle back to sleep with her. We keep everything dark and don't speak to her or smile at her otherwise she thinks its wake up time.
With the crying thing, im not a fan of leaving babies to cry as it breaks my heart but we have done it about twice, she was fed, clean nappy but wanted to play in the early hours, we left her in her cot with her dummy and she screamed the place down, we eventually fell asleep and woke to find her huddled up with her teddy fast asleep. I think if your desperate you have to do it sometimes, as long as they are safe, fed, warm and clean then no harm can come to them, they will just burn themselves out.
So don't feel guilty, your health is very important especially as your hubby is away with work and your the main care giver.
xx

Answer 9

You baby will be much better off if you let them cry, and so will you. Driving yourself crazy staying up all night picking them up every time they cry isn't going to make you a better mommy. It only takes a few nights of letting them cry it out before they get the idea, they'll start to soothe themselves which is essential to becoming an independent adult. Then you'll both get a good nights sleep and you'll be much happier and ready to play with him in the morning when it's really important to spend quality time together. I recomend putting a favorite stuffy or a pacifier in with him if he still uses one, and maybe a shirt that smells like mommy, it might help relax him. Of course if his cry changes you should check on him.

Answer 10

I know it is very main stream to let babies cry themsleves to sleep, but we are just starting to learn the long term effects that this may cause.

Recently there have been a few studies released that have linked letting babies "cry-it-out" and cry themsleves to sleep with the dramitic increase in ADHD. When babies are left to cry it release cortisol-a stress hormone-which can impead the developing brain from making the proper conections, which can lead to things like ADHD, anti-social disorders, and other mental problems.

I would suggest getting a friend or family member to help out a little bit so you can sleep, and invest in one of the following books "The no Cry Sleep Soluntion" or Dr Sears's "Nighttime Parenting" It will make a world of difference when you can get you little one to sleep with out having to let him cry.

And despite what popular culture will tell you, many babies do not sleep through the night until they are closer to one year old, if it is getting to much to go to another room, try bringing the crib/cot into your room that way you can roll over and assure him with waking yourself too much.