He used to tell me he'd always love me fat or thin and he said that it was normal that i gained a bit of weight after having babies... then things started going bad , we divorced and now he's criticizing me.. ha also says i'm a bad mom... i need someone to love me again...
Do you know some way to be happy again...
p.s. i can't seem to loose the baby weight, i'm too nervous and stressed and keep eating junk food
2007-08-26 08:38:23 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really think that you should lose weight and get fit for YOU.....don't do this for him. He is being incredibly cruel for the nasty things he is saying to you. Being over weight does not equal being a bad mom. Once you stop listening to the garbage coming out of his mouth...I think you will have the courage and the determination to lose the weight.....and will ultimately find someone that will love you for who you are...Good luck!
2007-08-26 08:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is an italian song that say that all the moms in this world are beutifull. I'm sure you are too. When he trys to hurt you telling you those stuff, think that it doesn't matter if you gained a little bit of weight having babys, because now you have your own babyes and they were worth it, even if now you are not that in such a good shape anymore!!You will find a man that will love you! Just be patience, don't be stressed out by your ex husband, he just trying to put you down to make himself feel better! Cheer up, get dressep up and go out!!! You deserve more than this!!!!
2007-08-26 15:47:54 · answer #2 · answered by Jules 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah, the games people play once divorced.I can tellyou that youre doing exactly what your ex wants you to do. Hes getting revenge for the divorce by tearing you down and unfortunately youre letting him and he probably knows this and as long as you keepplaying his stupid games he willkeep going or coming at you. If it gets too far out of hand,sue him for slander and that should stop him. Theres probably good reason why hes an ex so you dont have to listen to him. If youre such a bad mom then he should take you back to court to have you ruled unfit and he can gain custody of the kids if hethinks hes so good. In time things willheal and youll find someone new who will love and worship you for you so jut be patient and it will happen. Also the only ones you need to impress right now are your kids, so to hellwith him. Good luck
2007-08-26 16:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're in a vicious circle. You need to lose weight but because you eat your emotions you can not abandon the only thing that makes you feel full: the food.
First thing first: Grow a spine and tell your ex to keep his opinion to himself.
Second: you need some kind of support group first a group to support you as a single mom and a group to support you in your weight loss. Contact Weight watchers they are a great group of women, it's not expensive and you will be making friends while losing weight.
Any change start by making a decision: Make the decision to be indifferent to your ex comments and make the decision to call Weight watcher. No one will give you a free pass. You have to pull up your sleeves and go for it.
2007-08-26 16:00:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let another activity take over your time besides eating. start taking daily walks, read a good book, write a journal.
in a way you have already answered your own question. if your ex is making you nervous don't take to heart what he tells you. being nervous and stressed does not help you or your kids and if you know that the junk food is your problem why continue to eat it? if running head first into a brick wall hurt you the first time would you do it again and again?
do not live to hear the words of your ex, live to hear your inner person. listen to that and let that guide you. live for your kids and the years you signed on to take care of then when you had them.
stay healthy both spiritually and physically, forget your ex. that is over and done with. deal with him as far as you have too as far as your kids are concerend. other than that distance yourself. he's not helping you so who needs it certainly not you.
be well PEACE
2007-08-26 17:01:42 · answer #5 · answered by shygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mean people are often unhappy, but instead of trying to figure out what is wrong with themselves they try to make others feel just as bad as they do...."Misery loves company", remember?
Sounds to me like your ex is an immature and selfish man. He must have a lot of issues and past hurts inside; but he should work on healing himself, not on hurting others- you, in this case.
Try hard to avoid listening to his hurtful words, and work on healing yourself. Have your good friends evaluate you, and trust their opinions. If you can honestly see that you are overweight and feel bad about this, then choose an option that will help you lose some of it so you can feel better about yourself. Once your self-esteem is stronger, your husband's words will have less effect on you and the damage will be less.
I also think you should visit your doctor. Maybe your hormones are not in the right levels, and this is causing you extra stress and making you feel so sad. Depression is very common after having a baby, so check yourself just to be sure everything is OK physically.
Another important thing to consider is this: Only YOU can change yourself. We cannot change other people. So IF YOU want to lose weight, you will ...but only if you really want to do it.
As for the loving part, you need to work on this too. We cannot expect others to love or accept us IF WE don't love and accept ourselves first...You cannot give what you do not have. Please consider going to therapy or talking to someone who can help you see what your issues are, so you can deal with them and start to feel better. Good luck.
2007-08-26 16:16:21 · answer #6 · answered by Nena S 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to realize is that you don't need anyone else's approval and love. Love yourself!
Second, if you have some free time, exercise will do you wonders. It will help you lose some weight, regain your confidence, give you something to do other than eating junk. If all you can do is walk for 15 minutes, do that. Find a friend to do it with you so you have companionship and you'll stick with it.
2007-08-26 15:48:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mary C 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, your ex jerky husband will get some good punishment for those words. You should go to a gym and watch what you eat. But that little sh*t has no right to put you down like that. You got fat after the process of having his offspring! Doesn't he get it? Women get baby fat. What an idiot.
2007-08-26 22:42:47 · answer #8 · answered by Simplygreat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SET BOUNDARIES with the sob! No matter what he says.. stick with arrangements and concerns of the children and if he broaches ANY other topic, continue conversation as if he didn't say a word. Then... join some groups that interest you... get together with supportive women... books club, knitting club... ANYTHING.... just get with loving supportive people and RELAX.... allow yourself time to heal and start feeling better about yourself from the inside... then it will spread to the outside. And before you know it.. that sob will be wondering how he could have been such a fool.... and at that time, you will continue to have strict boundaries and you continue to grow and blossom in your new life.
2007-08-26 15:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by Bentley 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to hurt you the only way he knows how. Don't let him, don't listen to him and if he can't be civil, why have any conversations with him at all? I guess he's probably doing it beause by putting you down, he wants to prevent you from getting another boyfriend - which means he cares what you do. And if you were realy that fat and ugly, why would he care? And no, you don't need someone to love you again, you first have to learn to love yourself. Remember, people can only upset you, if you let them - so don't give him that power.
2007-08-26 15:51:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋